call for limericks

[Jude]

I slept like a babe last night
nothing to do with being tight
i hrdly drink alcohol anymore
seeing the kids do it makes me head for a door!

I took 2 pills and went off to sleep
awoke in fear with no cat at my feet
my clock showed the time a 2.35
and scared was I that i wasn't alive

for the pills I had taken
to ensure that I sleep
should have knocked me out
for most of the week

infact now it's evening
I think I must say
i actually slept for most of the day
but still feeling tired
I think I might just
go back up to bed and
to those pills that I trust!

ZZZZzzzzzz

[Jude]

this is to Great Plum - Matt and Angie.....



there was a young couple who married
and went for their honeymoon
to a place in deepest Africa
under the sun and the moon
they then went on to Zanzibar
where they spent all their money and dosh
and had to have a swift transfer
or be hit on the head with a cosh!

[DavebytheSea]

There was a young couple who tarried
Too long before they got married.
They aren't going far
(Just to Zanzibar)
So their parents don't have to get worried.

[DavebytheSea]

We ought to form a forum choir, get together every 6 months or so for a sing-song. Have whole day's practice and then a 'concert' in the evening. Sing to 3 men and a ferret in some god-forsaken church in the middle of nowhere. Or CH. Could be quite a laugh. Anyone out there who could twirl the conductor's baton? Dave BTS poss?

That's tempting!! I could do it if ever the forum choir could get together

David - far toooo much salt in the air in Falmouth - the general idea is that the forum gets together and sings and plays and has fun and meets all - Thanks Eloise for the offer to resolve teh copyright, all we need is the blind vote of everyones favourite 3 churchy type music and 3 fav non churchy stuff for a unique performance... I have offered (although the offer hasn't been taken up yet) to sort this - place date music required etc - please use email judeCHforum@aol.com for this as it makes the management easier! thanks

Dearest Jude,
You do allude
To singers, when
I think that then
You really meant
That I had lent
Too heavily upon
That thing of John
Which, though immense,
Made little sense
To us Old Blues
Who Frappr use
To try to see
Where one would be
And others too
Of Cordon Blue

So please Dear Jude
Don't think it rude
If just this time
I use this rhyme
To say to you
(A worthy Blue)
"It's not my fault!"
Just pass the salt!

[huntertitus]

A choir is a jolly good thing
Choir music is lovely to sing
There's Allegri's "Miserere"
There's good ole' Montiverdi
But Bach's Matthew's Passion's the king

[Jude]

Argh!!!!!!!!! now you write to me in Rhyme -
when really this is not the time
as my brain is like swiss cheese
and wind flows through it like a breeze

my eyes are screwy and full of pain
in fact, i wish I could just train
my body to it's fluid form take
so I can go down to the lake

and try to swim, yes try not to drown
so I confused do now allow
that rhymes and stories fun they are
but when in relaspe go to far

as my brain and body are not in one
and I am heading now for home
to wend my way up wooden hill
to spend a night I hope so still

in sleep I need to heal and rest
and get these problems off my chest
(which though is large) and soft
I will not David pass the salt.

[huntertitus]

Argh!!!!!!!!! now you write to me in Rhyme -
when really this is not the time
as my brain is like swiss cheese
and wind flows through it like a breeze

my eyes are screwy and full of pain
in fact, i wish I could just train
my body to it's fluid form take
so I can go down to the lake

and try to swim, yes try not to drown
so I confused do now allow
that rhymes and stories fun they are
but when in relaspe go to far

as my brain and body are not in one
and I am heading now for home
to wend my way up wooden hill
to spend a night I hope so still

in sleep I need to heal and rest
and get these problems off my chest
(which though is large) and soft
I will not David pass the salt.

Your metre is rather appalling
Your rhyme is practically stalling
Too long a verse
Becomes just a curse
If poetry is not your calling

I'm intrigued by your "up wooden hill"
Hope climbing it don't make you ill
If you need to sleep
Relaxed you would keep
If yoga could be your right pill

pm me if this dont make sense - i have to go help with my bunnies now and couldnt perfect the poem...

[DavebytheSea]

There is something amusing and funny
'Bout Hunter T. and his bunny
The length of her skirt
Just proves she's a flirt
And the fact that she calls Tickers "Honey".

I see that it's Titus not Tickers
A shame when I'm rhyming as quick as
I do when I ponder
His knee resting under
The girl who is wearing no socks.

[DavebytheSea]

And Jude please don't get me wrong
I am sure that your choice of song
Would appeal to the few
Who sang them with you
Provided they were not too long.

[Jude]

Argh!!!!!!!!! now you write to me in Rhyme -
when really this is not the time
as my brain is like swiss cheese
and wind flows through it like a breeze

my eyes are screwy and full of pain
in fact, i wish I could just train
my body to it's fluid form take
so I can go down to the lake

and try to swim, yes try not to drown
so I confused do now allow
that rhymes and stories fun they are
but when in relaspe go to far

as my brain and body are not in one
and I am heading now for home
to wend my way up wooden hill
to spend a night I hope so still

in sleep I need to heal and rest
and get these problems off my chest
(which though is large) and soft
I will not David pass the salt.

Your metre is rather appalling
Your rhyme is practically stalling
Too long a verse
Becomes just a curse
If poetry is not your calling

I'm intrigued by your "up wooden hill"
Hope climbing it don't make you ill
If you need to sleep
Relaxed you would keep
If yoga could be your right pill

pm me if this dont make sense - i have to go help with my bunnies now and couldnt perfect the poem...

for a man you are incredibly rude
perhaps it has something to do with your food
my poems may be crass
but I am but a lass
with an illness that cannot be cured

if my poems too long
then write it as song
and leave me alone in my home
for I am still here struggling
and find it all muddling to be cursed by the length of my verse

I was answering Dave by the sea
if you look you will undoubtly see
there's too much salt in his air,
which has given him flair
for writing me poetry verse

he asked for more salt
alas i could not
as I know what it does to the brain
so curse me in vain
cos this is a strain
and I been awake since 3am

[Jude]

why does huntertitus do for a living?
with his bunnies - do they go for a skinning?
or does he allure to the children he has
by a wife he doesn't een mention?

I thought tha animal name
for ones offspring was always the same
as a little small goat
all caught by the throat and making a horrible sound

for our offspring we now turn to kids
and try to teach them the yes and the no's
but as far as this peom is going
is the trash can without anyone knowing!

[DavebytheSea]

There once was a poet of note
Who offered a ride on his boat
To any Old Blues
Who would happily choose
To sample some living afloat.

Perhaps it is fear of the gale
Or the thought that their spirit might fail
In The Isles of the Blest
So far to the west
That makes them reluctant to sail.

'Though the weather here sometimes is tough,
And the ocean occasionally rough,
The Scillies in June
Can be reached very soon
And at anchor one sleeps well enough.

Take courage and give it a go!
While the journey across may be slow,
The sea and the sky
With the gulls flying by
Provide a most marvellous show.

I find that I have plenty of time for sailing, but during term time at least when the rest of the family Eastburn are at their various schools, no one to do it with. June is a great month on the water and the Scillies are at their most beautiful. Anyone interested in the water and even remotely connected with CH is automatically a member of the CHC & SC (CH Cruising and Sailing Club - a virtual club of which I am, apparently, the virtual vice-commodore.)

By virtue of these variously virtual facts, I am offering a shared expenses week afloat in June to any OBs who are reasonably fit and reasonably vice free. Sailing skills can be taught if not already present, but an ability to leap nimbly ashore with lines and to cook a tasty dish in a tilted kitchen would be useful attributes. The boat is fantastic - hot showers, huge frig and reasonable stereo make for comfortable living afloat and she is a fast and exciting yacht to sail. We share expenses for food, fuel and moorings; as Scilly is not particularly cheap, my guess is that this will be about £50/£60 per person for the week. Apart from getting to Cornwall, that is all it should cost.

Anyone interested????

[huntertitus]

This sounds like a fiendish idea
But I reckon at sea I'd feel queer
For I never went sailing
And fear that my failing
Would cause the true sailors some fear

My water is the sturdy Thames river
When I look at it's waters I shiver
I'd rather to drown
In a fine Cotes du Rho(u)ne
And die of a beaten up liver

[darthmaul]

I return to the mass stanza attack
Whilst streams of vowels hit my back
I flee the inane
And battle the lame
Hoping just to survive the ol' flack

[helen]

There once was a poet of note
Who offered a ride on his boat---------

I know how to tack with the best
And jibe, or approach a wave crest
As cook in the galley
I'm right up my alley,
But sad-I'm too far to the west.

I'd love to go out for a sail
As long as there wasn't a gale
But I'm thousands of miles
From the great British Isles-
A circumstance I must bewail.