The Pedant's Revolt

[midget]

Today I went to book an appointment for an eye test.
Receptionist : What was the name?
Maggie (having counted to 10 and taken a deep breath) My name IS O'Riordan
R : Please spell that
M : O'
R : (confused by the apostrophe) Date of birth. First name Margaret?
Appt made

Am I the only person to hate being asked what my name WAS? Next time I shall ask "When?"

Please, all you pedants out there join the battle to rid the world of this expression.

Maggie

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Am I the only person to hate being asked what my name WAS? Next time I shall ask "When?"

Please, all you pedants out there join the battle to rid the world of this expression.

Maggie

I was asked, by the dreadful woman who was in charge of issuing driving licences and permits in the thriving metropolis (not) of Hawera, NZ if I was sure that the name that I had just given her (my name) was correct.

Prospective members of the local Maori bikey gang had to perform an initiation task, and one was told that he had to run the woman over. Nice Caroline is still horrified by the thought, but .......................................

xxxxxx

[Angela Woodford]

Am I the only person to hate being asked what my name WAS? Next time I shall ask "When?"Please, all you pedants out there join the battle to rid the world of this expression.

Prospective members of the local Maori bikey gang had to perform an initiation task, and one was told that he had to run the woman over.

Maggie, I couldn't agree more. I tend to say "W-e-ll, it used to be AW, and I think it still is..." Then they ask you to "take a seat". It's so tempting to make a remark about it not fitting in my bag, but thanks anyway. So may I join your gang?

Caroline, I'm convulsed laughing. I really really am. Vroom vroom!

[J.R.]

Maggie : The other one is when filling in a form of some description, usually asking for your FULL name, date of birth, etc.

Then you come to the box marked 'Sex' - Jan just puts, 'Yes Please !!'

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Maggie : The other one is when filling in a form of some description, usually asking for your FULL name, date of birth, etc.

Then you come to the box marked 'Sex' - Jan just puts, 'Yes Please !!'

That is why, when I am devising questionnaires, I always ask for 'gender' to be specified

xxx

[Katharine]

I would like your advice. At our church we sing 4 hymns each Sunday 10 am service, the first and third are sung in Welsh the second and fourth in English (that's why we have to have an even number of hymns!).

One of our clerics always announces the second hymn as "We will sing our second hymn in English Number xyz" there is no breathing for a comma, so I want to say "No its our first hymn in English"

Who's right?

[J.R.]

Surely, it isn't a problem for him/her to say "We will sing our NEXT hymn..."

Problem solved !

[englishangel]

Our county library system was 'upgraded' a short while ago and when I tried to log on to renew a book it wouldn't accept my password. I went into the library to sort it out (as my server had returned the email from them) and the young lady behind the desk said that my password had reverted back to the original one (allied to my card no.) I started to leave the library and then I thought, no, I must correct this. I went back and asked her if her degree was in English. She said it was in sports science, why? when I explained why, she laughed and said it was a family joke that her degree was in neither English nor Maths.

[ben ashton]

Did you want a bag for that?

Yes. And I still do.

[marty]

The two errors that annoy me most are:

1) would OF. It's would HAVE. HAVE. HAVE. Do you hear me?!! HAVE!!!!!

2) different TO. It's different FROM, and similar TO. Things cannot be different TO anything!

The other mistake (usually committed by footballers after a match) is when the first thing out their mouth is "Well, like I said..." What do you mean, "like I said...?" - you haven't SAID ANYTHING yet!!! Aaaagghhhh!

Mind you what else do you expect from footballers? I heard that Steven Gerrard was once asked what his favourite cheese is, to which he replied, "erm, grated."

[jhopgood]

An English instructor, a stickler for grammatically correct English, was able to keep his students interested in this arcane subject by relating his key points to situations the students could relate to. Here is an example of how he did this.

On my 65th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my certificate to the medicine man, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned: “This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say 1-2-3. 'When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”

I was encouraged. As the medicine man walked away, I turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say 1-2-3-4,”he responded. “But when she does that, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, I was the manliest of men.

My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.

[LongGone]

The two errors that annoy me most are:

1) would OF. It's would HAVE. HAVE. HAVE. Do you hear me?!! HAVE!!!!!

2) different TO. It's different FROM, and similar TO. Things cannot be different TO anything!

The other mistake (usually committed by footballers after a match) is when the first thing out their mouth is "Well, like I said..." What do you mean, "like I said...?" - you haven't SAID ANYTHING yet!!! Aaaagghhhh!

Mind you what else do you expect from footballers? I heard that Steven Gerrard was once asked what his favourite cheese is, to which he replied, "erm, grated."

Or to quote an American footballer: It's not as if we have to be a genius like Norma Einstein

[midget]

Maggie : The other one is when filling in a form of some description, usually asking for your FULL name, date of birth, etc.

Then you come to the box marked 'Sex' - Jan just puts, 'Yes Please !!'

I am reminded of the booklet issued to hip replacement patients when I had mine done 11 years ago. Among the various bits of advice and instructions for before, during and after the hospital stay was the one that said "Refrain from all sexual activity until at least 6 weeks after the operation". One of the other women on the ward reduced a poor young Houseman to a gibbering wreck, when she read this aloud and then asked "Doctor, does it come free on the NHS after 6 weeks?"

[cstegerlewis]

The one that constantly bugs me is how the word 'Barter' has somehow changed it's meaning from 'exchange of goods' or 'payment in kind' to replace 'bargain' - haggling, deal making etc,

Everytime a holiday programme on the BBC go to a souk or something the jolly airhead presenter goes on about, "now for a spot of bartering" - NO IT'S NOT YOU UNEDUCATED OAF!!!

They have even started using it on the serious business news on Radio 4!

[nastymum]

When you are an impoverished Englsh teacher with school fees to pay you are reduced to markng SATs and GCSE papers which make you want to give up. But then you remember the school fees so you carry on.

SATs paper. Subject-Treasure Island-the part where the pirates fail to discover the treasure.
Q. Explain why Long John Silver's 'nose twitched'
A. 'he had a cold' ,'he had a big nose', 'he a had a loud and nasty nose'

Q. Explain the meaning of 'The pirates eyes burned in their heads'
A. 'They had a headache'

I wondered if they were all too ill to find the treasure that day

Macbeth often gives the most colourful responses . Lady Macbeth had maybe been watching too much Easteders when she said, 'Give me them bl**dy daggers' according to one candidate.
Another thought that 'why do you dress me in borrowed robes?' meant ' i ain't wearing noone else's bling'. I kind of saw what he meant but I was deeply disturbed by that point..