Face Book- What am I missing?

[Katharine]

Not wishing to highjack the swine flu thread - what am I missing by not being on FaceBook? Can anyone on it please tell me whether my life would be enriched by it or not?

[Fjgrogan]

You are missing absolutely nothing and saving yourself an enormous amount of wasted time! I have steadfastly avoided getting involved in it, but both my girls are; the one good thing I have heard about it from them is the fact that they are both in touch with numerous cousins with whom they would probably otherwise have lost contact. I must admit though that there have been occasions when someone has posted pictures on Facebook and assumed that everyone will see them, and I haven't. For example I would have liked to see the pictures from Davebythesea's cruise of a thousand islands. I also only got to see my granddaughter's school photos after all sorts of other people had already had a chance to comment on how much like her father she now looks But on the whole, hold fast; do not succumb; there is still real life to be lived outside the ambit of Facebook and all its 'sidekicks'! However, I do confess to using the genealogy sites - Genes Reunited, Ancestry, Family Tree Maker etc - but that is research, not social networking.

[anniexf]

Someone invited me to join Facebook about a year ago so I had a look. It was so time-consuming, as Frances said - and I found it so dreary! Apart from being able to see photos people had posted, I couldn't find any real use for it. It amazed me when people proudly reported that they had 600 or more "friends" on Facebook - this doesn't tie in at all with my definition of friendship. There's a lot of rubbish, liking sending "ismile requests" and silly emoticons and counting up scores by way of contacts in various forms; but I suppose if you want a quick & virtually (sorry!) effortless way of keeping in touch - in the loosest sense - it might be useful. However I deleted my account (for which I had used a pseudonym, for safety's sake - my paranoia again!) after about a month - I just couldn't afford the time for something that seems really rather superficial.

[Jo]

Don't listen to Frances, Katharine!! I am definitely a Facebook convert, as of last year. I couldn't really see the point of it before, until someone told me that it's a good way to keep up with friends in a sort of laid back way - people post their status (what they're up to at the moment) and if they are on your friends' list then it appears on your Facebook page. Each person's home page contains the statuses of their particular combination of friends. You can also join groups on specific themes (though that's a very minor part of my Facebook usage), post photos etc.

It's really good just for keeping up with what people are doing, when they wouldn't necessarily send an email to announce it. Sometimes it's really trivial stuff (X has just been shopping), sometimes it's more momentous (X has just had a baby).

There's no harm in signing up, and adding maybe half a dozen friends to get the hang of it and see if you think you'd enjoy it. Just be very careful not to (a) input your password on any page that isn't really a FB page, and (b) bear in mind that sometimes your info can be seen by third parties - ie friends of friends. You can control who can see your details in one of the Account Settings options.

I'd say give it a go, then if you ditch it at least you can say you tried!

[Jo]

Someone invited me to join Facebook about a year ago so I had a look. It was so time-consuming, as Frances said - and I found it so dreary! Apart from being able to see photos people had posted, I couldn't find any real use for it. It amazed me when people proudly reported that they had 600 or more "friends" on Facebook - this doesn't tie in at all with my definition of friendship. There's a lot of rubbish, liking sending "ismile requests" and silly emoticons and counting up scores by way of contacts in various forms; but I suppose if you want a quick & virtually (sorry!) effortless way of keeping in touch - in the loosest sense - it might be useful. However I deleted my account (for which I had used a pseudonym, for safety's sake - my paranoia again!) after about a month - I just couldn't afford the time for something that seems really rather superficial.

I do know what you mean Annie. Don't take the word "friends" too seriously, they're just contacts really. The stupid sending of hugs, smiles, virtual gifts etc irritates me but you can hide a lot of the rubbish stuff so you never see it in future.

[mvgrogan]

I like it but then my situation is a little different - I actually have 2 facebook accounts - one for people who aren't in Finland and one for those who are! I use the 2 accounts differently...

The non-Finnish one keeps me in touch with friends & family, OBs (Jo!) and other Usborne ladies in a very casual way. As Mum said, I am in touch with cousins who I might not hear from from one year to the next otherwise, I can also keep track of what my sister is up to... she posts daily "statuses" often regarding my new little niece, who I am yet to meet! I have really enjoyed all the photos of the baby. I don't play many games, but i do waste time doing silly things like maintaining a fairy garden!

The Finnish one is used to stay in touch with friends here on a more social basis - confirming get-togethers, calling for assistance (e.g. with DD's birthday party), sharing pics of joint events and just recently I notice inspiring each other with light, prayers & colour now that the hibernating season is upon us and people tend to stay inside if not encouraged to venture out!

I do post pics of the family on both sites especially with the little ones growing so fast.

It really is up to you how much or little time you spend using FB (as with Ch forum!!) you could spend all day playing games, answering quizzes & corresponding at various level of public access with your "friends" - you can choose the level of access & security for your "stuff" and choose who your friends are....

I would say I know everyone who is a friend on FB - The only ones I haven't actually met are the Usborne ladies who I know through another forum - we tend to use the forum for work and FB for personal stuff... This is why, when one of them had her husband walk out she posted it on FB but not on the forum - we could all offer support without interfering in work.

I think in general you get as much or as little as you want from FB - I'm trying to persuade mum to join with only 2 friends - me & Kirri - so at the very least she sees all our baby photos!!

That's my twopenneth-worth!!

[englishangel]

I joined when my daughter went to University as a way of keeping in touch, as I know I was hopeless at keeping in touch with MY parents when I went (probably also something to do with CH AND not having a phone at home). She is however pretty good at phoning (and getting us to call back).

Sometiimes I look at her photos and wish I hadn't (somersaults over a bonfire) but at least I know she is well, happy and has lots of real friends.

One nephew refuses to make his parents friends, but his younger sister is a friend so she just keeps the bad news from them and gives them the good. (not a lot of the former - though some of the photos are 'worse' than my daughter's - and plenty of the latter).

[Barnes Mum]

I too am on Facebook. Like Maria says I think it is a good way to keep in touch with family and friends who you wouldn't see very often. I am able to keep up to date with cousins, friends and family that live either the other end of the country, or in some cases the other side of the world. It is lovely to see up to date photos of fast growing children and to be kept up to date with what's happening in their lives. I know there's nothing better than a good old telephone conversation, but this isn't always practical to Australia! The adding of friends of friends done by some does seem to get a bit over the top but I think if you just stick to having genuine friends and family on your list, as I said before, it's a great way to stay in touch. (Also great for spying on your kids at uni! Shhhhh!)

[Angela Woodford]

I love my daily visit to Facebook. There's the HOGOFs, a few of the Horsham Boys, other friends and family too. My children will often post a quickie update when they don't want to email, phone or write - it's cheap and immediate. I often feel away from everything and everybody in Devon. (I had a seasonal job, but that's come to an end.) I don't feel the need to "collect" friends at all, although I sometimes exchange a message with friends of friends, which is lovely. You can hide the quizzes which are fairly banal, but I do them sometimes just for fun.

It made me laugh when I was annoyed and uncomfortable at twisting my neck ( I'd "updated my status" that I could only go forwards or turn right) when Mary - englishangel - sent me a symbol of a strong heart. Thanks Mary, I appreciated that! And my brave niece who has just been through chemotherapy sends brief updates so that all family and friends can get the latest to support her.

Facebook can be just what you want it to be!

[Fjgrogan]

Slightly off topic, but if you are wanting to stay in touch with far-flung family and friends we can recommend Skype. You need broadband and preferably a webcam, although that is not essential. Skype itself can be downloaded for free. Without the webcam it will handle conference calls or just typed messages. With it I have been taught 'Insy Winsy Spider' in Finnish by Hanna, and watched Xander crawling and attempting to walk. Hanna will also sometimes 'read' a book on the webcam to Auntie Kirri. Xander and his new cousin Millie have not yet met, but he gets quite excited when he sees her on the webcam. The trick is to tuck a favourite toy behind the camera to keep Millie looking in the right direction. There are times when one or other of us loses the sound or the picture freezes, but that may well be technical incompetence on my part - in the absence of the real thing it is a pretty good substitute way of watching our grandchildren grow up. This Christmas will be chaotic, when they are all together for the first time with no computers or webcams getting in the way. I just have to survive the preparation period! There is a good chance that we shall be having a double baptism in the New Year before the Finnish contingent go back. On the whole I think I can survive pretty well without amassing an army of virtual friends, watering fairy gardens and announcing my current status to the world! After all, I have you lot to keep me occupied!

[Fjgrogan]

Postscript - to Maria - when do I get to see Xander's first tooth? I wonder if that has yet made it to Facebook?!

[mvgrogan]

oddly enough the tooth made it on skype...Fiona saw it on webcam last night!! but not on facebook - not easy to get a photo...

Although skype is good for free direct one to one contact it does take a chunk of time & focus to make a call, especially with the webcam, whereas a phone call means you can wander around the house doing stuff while talking and a skype text call, or a SMS conversation both mean you can be doing other things - FB requires even less focus - just type your comment or message and walk away, log-off, go back to the CH forum, whatever!

I often have 3 forums (fora?), skype, Outlook Express & FB open while I'm at home - I hop back & forth between them keeping up to date and "chatting" all day but it doesn't necessarily stop me from getting on with other things...unless I'm typing entries like this

BTW - just joined HOGOF on FB, hope that's OK

[gma]

I too am a late starter as a HOGOF, initially as friend who had recently moved to HK kept emailing her photographs to me as she knew I lived there once and wanted to play 'do you remember'. Eventually she nagged me to get an account as it was easier to upload large files to Facebook. There is no question that in the first month I spent ages on it, mostly hunting up old fiances (1/2 a dozen take some tracking) and howled at the remembered teenagers and young studs now brgt to earth by gravity and child support, podgy and twice or thrice married, with a gazillion children and massive alimony payments (well of course I exagerate mildly but tere were 6 but you get the picture) Then there's always the glam girl from youth, how did she turn out, the nasty girl at school etc etc

But after that it's, for me at least, a great way to keep in touch with friends and famly world wide and I can Facebook anywhere on my fone so I don't need to be stuck in front of a webcam, my nephews keep in touch as does my 80 yrs+ Stepfather, friends abroad and i is a great way to locate people that you've lost touch with, in my case for one friend for over twenty years. Of course there's a lot of rubbish it's popular culture so will always be, but you need to spend the month oggling endlessly to get used to what you want to use it for and how you do that.

Skype has it's place as does FB but neither are a suitable substitute for each other. Good luck!

[Jo]

I agree with Frances about Skype. I don't have a webcam but it's particularly good for conference calls. We had the first Old Blue Editorial Board meeting on Skype about a year ago - it lasted about 90 minutes and involved people from England, Spain and Canada - and it cost nobody anything! I don't use it often but when I do, it's great.

[Angela Woodford]

A long lost nephew and I just found each other on Facebook! We are tentatively exchanging messages.

Much as I love the Forum for reminiscence and debate, Facebook is so useful for brief messages - and it's extra nice to have HOGOFs, other friends and family all together - like a virtual party!