What Funerary Arrangements Would You Want?

[Spoonbill]

My nextdoor neighbour is adamant that when he dies, he wants no funeral, no crematorium ceremony, no wake nor any other type of po-faced marking of his passing. "Just put my body out for the dustmen to take away," says he.

I feel pretty much the same way. Definitely no funeral nor similar silliness. As for what to do with my stiff, I'd go for the green burial. I freely admit that once you're dead it doesn't really matter where you're buried, but personally I find the idea of a municipal cemetery so dreary, so dismal, so hideously commonplace and so depressingly grey that I want no part of such a place, not even as a cadaver. Being devoured by rural worms and ending up as a lovely rich mould that helps feed the grass and trees in a nice green field is infinitely preferable to decaying underneath a layer of tacky marble chippings in your local corpse-park, wouldn't you say?

And no gravestone, obviously. That'd be vulgar.

How's about you?

[J.R.]

I'm not sure I want a Funerary Arrangement !

[Kim2s70-77]

Spoonbill - I think you are a man after my own heart! You can place a boulder on me, if you want to mark the spot! There is a ranch here in the US (?Texas? I think) - where they take corpses and bury them in random places for forensic study. I have considered donating my body for that. My take is - whatever the afterlife is or isn't - the body would be useless at that point, so what does it matter. I HATE the rip-off funeral industry that preys on vulnerable people. Grieving people feel sadness and guilt and part with huge sums of money they can ill afford, because they are embarrassed into a public display. A cardboard box would be perfect, if there has to be a box! I want my family and friends to have a party (preferably after a period of time - so they are not weepy or miserable!) and have a ton of fun remembering my LIFE - not my death! I would be very happy to include such musical numbers as "Always look on the bright side of Life" etc - although I'm aware that some may view this as tasteless etc!! I am speaking of MY wishes - not attempting to foist these ideas on others.

[J.R.]

Spoonbill - I think you are a man after my own heart! You can place a boulder on me, if you want to mark the spot! There is a ranch here in the US (?Texas? I think) - where they take corpses and bury them in random places for forensic study. I have considered donating my body for that. My take is - whatever the afterlife is or isn't - the body would be useless at that point, so what does it matter. I HATE the rip-off funeral industry that preys on vulnerable people. Grieving people feel sadness and guilt and part with huge sums of money they can ill afford, because they are embarrassed into a public display. A cardboard box would be perfect, if there has to be a box! I want my family and friends to have a party (preferably after a period of time - so they are not weepy or miserable!) and have a ton of fun remembering my LIFE - not my death! I would be very happy to include such musical numbers as "Always look on the bright side of Life" etc - although I'm aware that some may view this as tasteless etc!! I am speaking of MY wishes - not attempting to foist these ideas on others.

Are you sure that isn't the work of the Mafia ?

[loringa]

Spoonbill - I think you are a man after my own heart! You can place a boulder on me, if you want to mark the spot! There is a ranch here in the US (?Texas? I think) - where they take corpses and bury them in random places for forensic study. I have considered donating my body for that. My take is - whatever the afterlife is or isn't - the body would be useless at that point, so what does it matter.

There are body farms as these places are called in the UK too though they are not widely advertised for obvious reasons. Whilst you are clearly completely right about your body being useless to you after death I can't say I particularly like the idea of my remains being inspected and analysed, not necessarily respectfully, by a bunch of trainee forensic technicians and police officers, same as I wouldn't donate my body to medical science; I've known far too many medical students and know exactly the respect with which they treat their cadavers!

Too early to think about my own funeral plans but it must include copious quantities of alcohol and decent grub.

[Chris Blewett]

I think the real problem is getting people to accept what YOU want in terms of a funeral. Kim - I like you want to be remembered for what I did in life rather than how I died. I keep saying to people that I'm going to leave instructs that no one (apart from Mrs B) is allowed to wear black or cry and that everyone should be happy!

As to not being buried in a municipal graveyard the 'new' green cemeteries (we have one just outside Cambridge) are very interesting and moving.

[sejintenej]

A gentleman of my acquaintance considers he has made adequate arrangements. He bought his current (it will be his last) house on the understanding that his daughter (a very slight TV presenter) will simply push his corpse over the garden wall -into the local cemetery.

As for me I haven't much choice. Due to a mixup at the local church and to prevent his exhumation I have to be buried in a full coffin on top of my late son. Can't say I expect to enjoy or even hate whatever they arrange or even the nosh but I do hope they enjoy "Land of Dreams" (Beatles) and Orbit's arrangement of Ravel's "Pavane for a dead princess".

[icomefromalanddownunder]

The only arrangement I have made so far is that anyone so much as suggesting that Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline' be played at any celebration of my life will be haunted by bad smells, loud howling noises and flashing lights for the rest of their days.

Status Quo for me.

[DavidRawlins]

I think that it is important to get everyone in the family to write down their wishes for funeral arrangements, including music: it is important to get the older members of the family to record their's first. This helps to stop head scratching when some one dies, and asking "What would they have wanted?"
Having said that, the funeral is more important for the living.

[J.R.]

I have suggested to my family that 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' by the Python team, be played as my coffin exits the Chapel to the Crem.

[Kim2s70-77]

Spoonbill - I think you are a man after my own heart! You can place a boulder on me, if you want to mark the spot! There is a ranch here in the US (?Texas? I think) - where they take corpses and bury them in random places for forensic study. I have considered donating my body for that. My take is - whatever the afterlife is or isn't - the body would be useless at that point, so what does it matter. I HATE the rip-off funeral industry that preys on vulnerable people. Grieving people feel sadness and guilt and part with huge sums of money they can ill afford, because they are embarrassed into a public display. A cardboard box would be perfect, if there has to be a box! I want my family and friends to have a party (preferably after a period of time - so they are not weepy or miserable!) and have a ton of fun remembering my LIFE - not my death! I would be very happy to include such musical numbers as "Always look on the bright side of Life" etc - although I'm aware that some may view this as tasteless etc!! I am speaking of MY wishes - not attempting to foist these ideas on others.

I believe I already mentioned that one, J.R.!!

[Ajarn Philip]

A friend of mine died suddenly in his early 40s. He was a regular in The Louis Armstrong pub in Dover. What a Wonderful World was played at his cremation service. Very moving.

[cstegerlewis]

Unfortunately this has been a subject of discussion in the office this week due to the untimely passing of a team member on Tuesday having succumbed to a brain tumour.

For me, I am not really bothered about the service, however I wish to be cremated (after all useful organs have been stripped and given to those in need, not medical science), and then my family to spend some of the many life insurances on taking what remains to somewhere extreme that they would like to visit (Antartica, Greenland, up a mountain somewhere) on the excuse that it is where I wanted my ashes scattered, and have some fun. Then no-one has to worry about looking after a grave or caring about things, and I can be quietly forgotten.

Hopefully not too soon though......

[Chrissie Boy]

A friend of mine died suddenly in his early 40s. He was a regular in The Louis Armstrong pub in Dover. What a Wonderful World was played at his cremation service. Very moving.

Did you play along on the spoons, Phil?

I'm guessing that would've been pretty moving too.

[cupcakemom]

Hmmm - tricky one. When my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness he made it clear he wanted his ashes scattered on an island of a lake situated on land (privately owned) behind my parents' house. We discussed his wishes at length during the last week of his life (although none of us realised it was his last week - having been "given" at least months). For me, his only daughter - I desperately "needed" somewhere I knew I would be able to visit. We agreed some of his ashes would be scattered on the island and the rest buried in our "family" church. However, when the time came - we were informed by the vicar that we could not bury "part" of the ashes - only the "whole". I think, as a family, we felt bad that we were not able to fulfill my father's wishes ... however, ten years down the line - I still get great comfort from visiting his grave, as do my daughters and obviously my mother. So - to sum up - perhaps it's not so much about what the individual wants - rather what those who are left behind need that will help them deal with their loss. Incidently - at my father's wake - held on the same day as the cremation and rememberance service - there was nothing but laughter ... and if my memory servers me right - we all got completely smashed ... as I think my father would have wanted!