Hertford Memories - The Book

Share your memories and stories from the Hertford Christ's Hospital School, which closed in 1985, when the two schools integrated to the Horsham site....

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kerrensimmonds
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by kerrensimmonds »

An apochryphal tale from Arundel and the Dukes etc. of Norfolk (though I am sure it has been replicated in other scenarios...).
Formal dinner. Someone passes wind. The Duchess says to the Butler 'Stop that, Bloggins'. He replies 'Yes Your Grace. Which way did it go?'
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J.R.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by J.R. »

or...................

"You Cad, Sir ! You f@rted in front of my wife !!!"

"My apologies your Grace. I wasn't aware it was her turn !!"
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Kim2s70-77 »

icomefromalanddownunder wrote:
Kim2s70-77 wrote:My God!! We've made the kitchens sound like the bowels of Hades!!!!!
Who remembers finding a stone in the custard? Or toenails in the apple pie? (Yes, yes, I know that the bit that forms around the seed capsule can resemble a human nail, but the ones that we found would have come from an apple the size of a pumpkin).

And wasn't there a fag end in the hotsnot once?

Compounded with the idiosyncratic smell of the place, I reckon the analogy is remarkably accurate.

xx

PS: what was responsible for the weird smell of the Hertford stew? Not a mutton smell; nothing like any beef I've encountered. Could it have been horse meat? Or perhaps the smell wasn't from the meat, but from a previously unknown, and not since encountered, spice or herb?


Why does the term "Hot snot and bogie pie" sound familiar?? Surely we were not served such a dish??

I've just remembered the time the Duke of Gloucester came to visit (?75 or 76?). We were furious because there was a sudden flurry of walls being painted, spurious expenses being made for show, flower beds being spiffed up etc - but none of the things that were important to us were being considered. (Do you remember raising the money to buy the trampoline??) I was in biology and it was decided that we would impress the Duke by doing a dissection of a rat. The teacher seemed to think it would make us look really clever or something. Finally, he arrives and is shown into the bio lab. The poor man pales -goes decidedly green about the gills - snatches his hanky from his pocket and shoves it in front of his mouth - turns on his heel with alacrity and rushes out of the lab. So much for OUR Royal visit!! It was immensely enjoyable.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by englishangel »

J.R. wrote:or...................

"You Cad, Sir ! You f@rted in front of my wife !!!"

"My apologies your Grace. I wasn't aware it was her turn !!"
Get it right

"You farted BEFORE my wife"
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by J.R. »

englishangel wrote:
J.R. wrote:or...................

"You Cad, Sir ! You f@rted in front of my wife !!!"

"My apologies your Grace. I wasn't aware it was her turn !!"
Get it right

"You farted BEFORE my wife"

WRONG THREAD, MARY !!

Pedants Revolt, PERLEEEZ !!!
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by chaosriddenyears »

Really, if you let men in on things they either split hairs or talk about farting. C'est la vie.

Ahem!

I think a book about Hertford should definitely include some of the splendid theatrical performances, including the VIth Form entertainment each year which everyone looked forward to. I remember playing the part of Miss Hann - it took me days to get the talcum powder out of my hair! I also had a wonderful time shaking that sheet of steel about that was supposed to sound like thunder.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Kim2s70-77 »

OMG! I just remembered the{ highly embarrassing} cavorting across stage in front of the Lord Mayor dressed in one of those brief navy towelling gym jumpsuits and a pair of hockey boots - to Grieg's 'Hall of the Mountain King". What ever was Mss Gravett thinking when she choreographed that??!?!?!
Does any one remember performing "Arsenic and Old Lace"?? I believe I was Jonathan, if I remember correctly.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Fjgrogan »

I think I am the only person in my family who is not 'into' acting or drama of some sort. The only attempt I can recall from Hertford is playing St Patrick when we performed 1066 and All That - the musical. To the tune of G & S's Three Little Maids from School we sang Three Little Saints from Rome - the saints in question being St Patrick, St Pancras and St Ives.
Frances Grogan (Haley) 6's 1956 - 62

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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Katharine »

That was 6s Shrove Tuesday play, Frances. I was a Roman soldier, I think it was my first or second year.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Eighhttwelve »

I believe I was Dr Einstein to your Jonathan - as far as I can remember we never really learnt the last scenes (or was that just me) and muddled our way through. However I also seem to recall it was quite well received and I certainly enjoyed it! Somewhere I have the original roneo'd sheet with all the cast and production team listed -I'll have to see if I can unearth it.

Kim2s70-77 wrote:OMG! I just remembered the{ highly embarrassing} cavorting across stage in front of the Lord Mayor dressed in one of those brief navy towelling gym jumpsuits and a pair of hockey boots - to Grieg's 'Hall of the Mountain King". What ever was Mss Gravett thinking when she choreographed that??!?!?!
Does any one remember performing "Arsenic and Old Lace"?? I believe I was Jonathan, if I remember correctly.
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by chaosriddenyears »

Eighhttwelve wrote:I believe I was Dr Einstein to your Jonathan - as far as I can remember we never really learnt the last scenes (or was that just me) and muddled our way through. However I also seem to recall it was quite well received and I certainly enjoyed it! Somewhere I have the original roneo'd sheet with all the cast and production team listed -I'll have to see if I can unearth it.

Kim2s70-77 wrote:OMG! I just remembered the{ highly embarrassing} cavorting across stage in front of the Lord Mayor dressed in one of those brief navy towelling gym jumpsuits and a pair of hockey boots - to Grieg's 'Hall of the Mountain King". What ever was Mss Gravett thinking when she choreographed that??!?!?!
Does any one remember performing "Arsenic and Old Lace"?? I believe I was Jonathan, if I remember correctly.
I was Mortimer in Arsenic and Old Lace - and we really didn't manage to learn the last part very exactly but somehow managed to improvise ou way chaotically through the end of it and no-one seemed to notice.

As for the !Hall of the Mountain King," wasn't that part of some thing that was put on to the theme of "Man is born free but lives in chains"? I was in a bit where we wore black leotards.

We also performed "The Rivals" by Sheridan and that went down pretty well. We had a lot of fun with these drama events!
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Kim2s70-77 »

Yes!! Jean Jacques Rousseau! I had forgotten that part! And you are so right about 'Arsenic and Old Lace" and not knowing the lines. Total improv!! An actor's nightmare indeed! So - who is 8:12??? Do tell??!!
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by chaosriddenyears »

I wanted to ask the same question myself...
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Mid A 15 »

Kim2s70-77 wrote:Yes!! Jean Jacques Rousseau! I had forgotten that part! And you are so right about 'Arsenic and Old Lace" and not knowing the lines. Total improv!! An actor's nightmare indeed! So - who is 8:12??? Do tell??!!
Where's Miss Marple when you need her?

With the little grey cells (sorry that was Poirot not Miss Marple) and the clues in this thread you should all be able to work it out. :wink:
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Re: Hertford Memories - The Book

Post by Eighhttwelve »

OK - I have before me the original cast list for 'Arsenic and Old Lace'. Sadly it has faded with passing of time and wasn't that well produced in the first place so I cannot read all of the surnames so you may need to extemporise, but here goes;
Abby Brewster - Robin Engelheart
Rev Dr Harper - Charlotte (Pratt?)
Teddy Brewster - Charlotte Lycett
Officer Brophy - Hilary Jones
Officer Klein - Maureen Connor
Martha Brewster - Jenny ?
Elaine Harper - Pauline (Gothard?)
Mortimer Brewster - Lynn Ford
Mr Gibbs - Caroline ?
Jonathan Brewster - Kim Langdon
Dr Einstein - M****** Day (I know who I am of course!)
Officer O'Hara - Juliet Szondi
Lieutenant Rooney - Melanie Newbury
Mr Witherspoon - Helen McNair-Smith
Produced, directed and screamed at by Esther (Polenezer), props costumes & moral support - Sally Ashenden, lights - Leda Trotman.
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