Any other CH parents here?

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huggermugger
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Any other CH parents here?

Post by huggermugger » Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:53 pm

Hello...

First posting after lurking for a while.

Am the mother of a new Second-form boy, going throught the dreaded initial three week, no contact separation. Am not a namby pamby, clingy mother; on the contrary, I pride myself on having equipped my children with the tools to lead full & independent lives without needing to hide behind their mother's skirts (jeans?). And that is what my son is apparently doing, according to the one bulletin (encouraging, pleasant but necessarily short) I've had from his housemaster.

BUT I miss him!! And I find no contact very difficult. I know and understand all the reasons for it, but that doesn't make it any easier. The house is really quiet (he's my youngest); even the dog seems forlorn.

Just wondered if anyone else knows what I'm talking about...

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Mid A 15
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Re: Any other CH parents here?

Post by Mid A 15 » Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:40 pm

huggermugger wrote:Hello...

First posting after lurking for a while.

Am the mother of a new Second-form boy, going throught the dreaded initial three week, no contact separation. Am not a namby pamby, clingy mother; on the contrary, I pride myself on having equipped my children with the tools to lead full & independent lives without needing to hide behind their mother's skirts (jeans?). And that is what my son is apparently doing, according to the one bulletin (encouraging, pleasant but necessarily short) I've had from his housemaster.

BUT I miss him!! And I find no contact very difficult. I know and understand all the reasons for it, but that doesn't make it any easier. The house is really quiet (he's my youngest); even the dog seems forlorn.

Just wondered if anyone else knows what I'm talking about...
Welcome to the forum :D

I'm an Old Blue rather than a parent but I vividly remember how homesick I felt as a second former nearly 42 years ago!

It is interesting to read your post because I don't recall ever considering that my parents might also be missing me as much as I missed them.

Is that terrible or the reaction of a typical 11 year old? I'm not sure!

There are one or two regular posters whose children are (were) at CH.
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72

Momto2
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Post by Momto2 » Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:53 pm

Hi, I am another lurker coming out of the woodwork!

I've got 2 children at CH - a GE and and LE and can well remember those first few weeks with both of them. Even now after 4 years I find it very difficult to say goodbye and the Leave Weekends are the worst of all as they fly by.

This is a great website - it's where I find out all the things that my children don't tell me about :lol:

huggermugger
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Post by huggermugger » Tue Sep 11, 2007 11:05 pm

Hello to you both...

Mid A 15 - I'm fairly sure that is the reaction of a typical 11 year old. Kids generally see the world from their own point of view, I guess. I sent my son with pre-addressed & stamped postcards so that he could send me a couple. Guess what?! I suppose no news must be good news...

Momto2 - oh dear, I was hoping it would get easier as time goes on. I'm slightly dreading him going back after the first leave weekend as we were told that although the first few weeks are worst for the parents, the return after the leave weekend is often difficult for the kids. I can just about cope with my own sadness as he seems to be fine; not sure how strong I'd feel if he wasn't! Maybe I'll be a bit better by then.

How did you find the first leave weekend?

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Post by Momto2 » Tue Sep 11, 2007 11:23 pm

I think we still have the stamped addressed postcards somewhere - I don't think I ever received one even though the post box was in sight of his House :lol:

The trouble with the Leave Weekends is that I find the children are exhausted on the Friday night, sleep in late on the Saturday and don't really "defrost" until the Sunday when it's time to go back again!

I seem to be painting an awfully dark picture for you but to be quite honest my children love CH so much that they can't wait to get back to their friends and though I feel sad that they're off again I also feel really pleased that they're happy and then I know we've made the right choice. It definitely does get easier I promise you.

I think it really helps too to have houseparents who are parent-friendly - we've been lucky! I think also the children are kept so busy that they have very little time to be homesick.

HTH - next Friday will be here before you know it and a couple of weeks after that they have the two weeks for half term :wink:

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Mrs C.
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Post by Mrs C. » Wed Sep 12, 2007 12:05 am

Image

..but course you won`t really have time to miss your children because you`ll be spending all your spare time here!!

Seriously, lots of letter writing may help - the children love receiving letters from home, friends, relations, especially as everything is done by text or phone these days ..... and it might encourage them to write back!

My experience isn`t quite the same as I`m a CH resident parent, but my elder daughter is off to Uni at the end of the month - and I suspect I`ll be feeling a bit like you are now!
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

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graham
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Post by graham » Wed Sep 12, 2007 7:16 am

I remembermy first two and a half weeks fairly vividly. I was so homesick, it was unbelievable. I cried and cried. I plotted to get expelled. I called home and begged my parents to come get me. I wrote them letters telling them that they surely didn't care about me, because i was suffering and they weren't doing anything about it.

I don't exactly know what happened next, but we had a leave day (oh, yes just one day) after three weeks, and I couldn't wait to get back. Half term came three weeks later and I enjoyed the break, but again, i wanted to get back. CH had become my home then, and being on holiday meant just that. It was temporary. Going back to school after a long break was always a bit tough, but only because I had gotten into the habit of being lazy, and suddenly had to do work again. The independence that CH bestowed on me was perhaps the greatest part of the whole experience.

So to the mothers out there, don't worry about your kids. It's much harder on you than it is on them.
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stpandp
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Post by stpandp » Wed Sep 12, 2007 7:50 am

Daughter aged 16 still enjoys receiving "real" letters - just a thought.

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cj
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Post by cj » Wed Sep 12, 2007 8:36 am

Welcome, huggermugger and Momto2. Image
I thought the picture was appropriate as once CH has ensnared you in it's web, there's no wriggling out! (That's not meant to be as harsh as it sounds, btw.)

If you didn't miss your children, then I think we'd all be a bit concerned! My mother never got used to the beginnings of term and used to hate us going away (especially when I was at Hertford - one occasion she was not quite with it and drove up the bus lane outside the school, to be followed in by a police car that parked outside the headmistress's house. She got away with a warning from the police officer but it was very embarrassing for her and my Granny who was sitting in the front seat!) but when we lived near Billingshurst, Mum and Dad used to come up for matches and music quite regularly. As someone else has said, no news is definitely good news. I went through a phase on my UF when I was really miserable and was on the phone home all the time which must have been awful for my parents, but letters were the way to go. There was (and still is!) nothing like a personally written letter to you, very exciting. We got into the habit and it continued all the way through university.
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cstegerlewis
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Post by cstegerlewis » Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:03 am

Welcome to the Parents.

On behalf of all regular and irregular posters on the forum, and to ensure Julian does not end up in court, please be assured that all references to drinking , smoking, jumping out of windows, climbing water towers, fraternising with the opposite gender etc etc (ad infinitum) are the imagined fantasied of a collective who all claim to have gone to a school named CH.

None of it really happened, and we don't exist.

















Well maybe some of it did.....but don't worry, we are all normal now!
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Katharine
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Post by Katharine » Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:55 am

Welcome to the Mums. I am an Old Blue whose children went to a different boarding school - as we were working in Borneo at the time. They each started at the tender age of 8, the younger one just a few days after his birthday so very very young to go away. It was NOT easy for us, as I am sure you will understand and appreciate.

At the start, we may have had it easier than you as we had brought the children up from very little to know they would board at the age of 8, so it wasn't something that came suddenly to them. They looked forward to it and did thrive while there. The first term my sister in law took Jeremy out on an exeat and complained that he kept looking at his watch and saying what the others would be doing! We may also have had it worse than you as we did not see them at all during term time while we were overseas.

Our Ambassador, father of 5, had a chat with me and said that we really had it better than parents of children at day school as we had concentrated fun time with the children in the holidays rather than the daily grind of chasing them to school each day.

As to whether things get better I can't say, the gut wrenching aches do go, but the emotion of leaving them at the airport still hit even when they were at Uni.
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kayinbaja
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Post by kayinbaja » Wed Sep 12, 2007 10:39 am

Thanks for posting this. I've had 5 minutes of free auto-therapy from it this morning.
Years and years after CH, I talked to my mum about this. I had always assumed that they dropped me off at school and then never gave me a second thought until I miraculously turned up at Sheffield Station 10 weeks later! I interpreted their happiness and pride that I'd got the big chance of going away to school, as "glad to be rid of me". I think what I'm saying is, it would have been nice for ME (perhaps not everyone) if my parents had told me, not that they were miserable, just that they were thinking about me a lot. (Just once would have been enough, I wouldn't have wanted them to go on ad on about it!) It's an important lesson to learn in life; that you can live quite happily while still missing someone.

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Post by englishangel » Wed Sep 12, 2007 10:47 am

How lovely to have CH parents here.

Like Mrs C's, my daughter is off to Uni at the end of this week (her Facebook comment "I am so excited I could wet myself") and I am going to miss her like billy-o. I still have 2 boys at home.

My husband is a twin and I can remember his mother saying that when he and his brother went to Uni at the same time she and Dad walked around the silent house bumping into each other for about a week before they realised they could get their life back.

For the thoughts of someone from the other side (albeit going to CH for the first time at 16) you should check the "Deputy Grecian 2007-?" forum

(edited - I really should read what I have written before I post)
Last edited by englishangel on Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Great Plum
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Post by Great Plum » Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:00 pm

Welcome to the site... :)

Do not panic too much... i'm sure that your kids will be having a wonderful time!
Maine B - 1992-95 Maine A 1995-99

sejintenej
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Post by sejintenej » Wed Sep 12, 2007 3:36 pm

Welcome from yet another Old Blue (from the 1950 - 60's era).

It would be strange if you don't miss your offspring - I know that my mother #2 (adopted) missed me when I wasn't around whilst my first two terms (aged just 9) were full of homesickness and other problems.

OTOH mother #3 (yes - I went through them pretty fast) didn't seem to be affected in any way - possibly because of her background (probably ladies finishing school, and aged by that time).

Be assured that they are kept very very busy and you don't have so many worries about bad company, drugs, bullying, violence etc etc. as you wouod have if he/she was at the local comp.

In a way this is an easy entry to the future. they do come back at regular intervals; when they go to Uni you will miss them (but you will be used to the feeling by then) but contact will be more a matter of irregular demands for famine relief etc. That is then the "missing" really hits home but, after being at CH, they should be able to cope far better than those from comps.
It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

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