Any other CH parents here?

Area for current parents, past parents and future parents of Blues or Old Blues.

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sejintenej
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Post by sejintenej » Sat Sep 15, 2007 5:22 pm

lonelymom wrote:Can I ask you something? As an Old Blue yourself, would you consider sending your child to CH?
Hi, lonelymom

Firstly and most important, welcome from the woodwork.

As to your question I agree with what has been written in a different thread; it is a question of the balance between CH quality and local schools quality.

With CH there is a long tradition and, being big and solid and oiltanker-like it is difficult to turn; the existing quality is very likely to continue.
By contrast there are good and there are bad and there are atrocious state schools; if you are in the catchment area and can get your child into a really good state school then the choice becomes very hard but one has to remember that the government and agenda-minded local governors have far more influence on local schools and can destroy one in months.

That is the educational side. OTOH there is thew social side - as a 1950's pupil, contact with the outside world was forbidden and talking to a female under 65, like alcohol, was almost an expulsion matter which gave one a very difficult time getting assimilated in society afterwards - some never did. I suspect and HOPE that there has been an improvement in this area.

As to your question, my children went to private and state schools:
The eldest started off at a private Ursuline School, then State Primary, followed by Ursuline Secondary a year after it was taken over - by the end it had deteriorated to rubbish.
The second started at state primary, was moved to private primary and went to state secondary controlled by Jesuits and the like. Remained a very good school whilst he was there but is now rubbish.
The third went to state primary, state secondary and was only diagnosed as severely dyslexic after he failed to get through the first term at Uni. The school had been using him to teach dyslexics to read instead of teaching him! The council has failed to even reply to letters about the subject.
His life has effectively been destroyed. OTOH CH failed to diagnose my dyslexia but that was half a century ago.!

Final result - a Doctorate, a Masters and a Batchelors between the three of them.

You pays your money and takes your chance but state schools are a risk; in business I had occasion to refuse unseen all applicants from a local state school because of the teaching policy there.

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Post by lonelymom » Sat Sep 15, 2007 9:57 pm

Thanks for the welcome sejintenej. You appear to say the same as a few others I've had replies from - it depends totally on what the alternatives are. Which, I suppose, is the obvious answer because we all try to do what is best for our children.

I can't say that the local alternatives were bad, far from it, but CH definitely stood out from the others. And, when it came down to it, I had to follow what my daughter wanted, and she had her heart set on going to CH. And I'm proud that I have raised such a clever, determined, confident, happy child. I just wish I didn't miss her so much!!

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Post by huggermugger » Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:58 pm

Hello again y'all

Lonelymom I'm glad you've joined us.

My son started this year at CH as you''ve probably seen from the rest of this thread. I had a real wobble earlier in the week and this community really helped pull me through. My son has sent me a couple of e-mails fairly & that has really helped too. Once I had it straight from him that he was "having a great time" & that his only concerns were lack of tuck & yo-yo, my mind was at rest. I do still miss him but I'm not worried anymore.

I think they are all given a CH e-mail address. Could you send a postcard to your daughter with your e-mail address & then you can "talk" to each other?

Like you, it was my son's choice to go to CH altho obviously he needed help & encouragement from me to achieve it. I believe it's the right thing for him, otherwise I couldn't have supported it. I have to say I haven't had any negative feedback from others but I wouldn't listen to it if I had. It's our choice and I am confident in our decision.

My main solution to missing him is that old fashioned one - to keep busy. And to make the most of the time I have now to clear the decks so that I can give him more of my time when he is home. Having said that I can't look at photos of him too often!

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Post by icomefromalanddownunder » Sun Sep 16, 2007 4:37 am

huggermugger wrote:Having said that I can't look at photos of him too often!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - very interesting.

Our home was full of photos of my younger sister, who didn't attend boarding school, and none of me (who attended CH). I always thought that it was because Elaine is the pretty one, and that Mum didn't want photos of me on show because they would 'lower the standard'.

Off for a bit of soul searching :)

xx

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Post by huggermugger » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:30 pm

icomefromalanddownunder wrote:
huggermugger wrote:Having said that I can't look at photos of him too often!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - very interesting.

Our home was full of photos of my younger sister, who didn't attend boarding school, and none of me (who attended CH). I always thought that it was because Elaine is the pretty one, and that Mum didn't want photos of me on show because they would 'lower the standard'.

Off for a bit of soul searching :)

xx
I do have photos of him in uniform sitting on the radio in the kitchen. I know they're there but I don't look at them if I can help it. There is also a film starring him, made by one of his old teachers posted on YouTube which I love & have watched a fair few times but since he's gone away I can't watch it at all as it makes me depressed.

This "hands across the generations" bit is generally a bit spooky. It's all a matter of perspective & context, isn't it? I'm sure all your Mums (and quite possibly Dads) found it as difficult then as we do now. I don't believe you were generally less loved or cared for than our children. The difference is that a lot of us as parents now are accustomed to saying how we feel; somehow we're "allowed" to & it's considered normal, understandable & desirable. Our children are encouraged to express how they feel both to us and to the school. In my limited experience of the school, our own & our children's feelings are accepted and taken into account

Maybe some or all of those things simply didn't happen in the past. Maybe there wasn't the opportunity for or the validation of everyone's feelings. There does seem to have been a general tendency in the past to ignore "bad" feelings & not to give them credence as it would only encourage them - ignore it & it'll go away. In my experience the opposite is true; tho everything needs to be in moderation - I don't think brooding helps. But I think admitting how you feel, to yourself or others, helps to find a way to deal with it & move on. Maybe your parents didn't have that open to them. So they found other ways to deal with it & I guess you did too. But I don't know how they coped. Maybe I don't know how you did either.

I'm starting to get v. emotional now so I'll stop trying to be profound. Not sure who I'm crying for...

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Post by icomefromalanddownunder » Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:40 am

huggermugger wrote:[This "hands across the generations" bit is generally a bit spooky. It's all a matter of perspective & context, isn't it? I'm sure all your Mums (and quite possibly Dads) found it as difficult then as we do now. I don't believe you were generally less loved or cared for than our children. The difference is that a lot of us as parents now are accustomed to saying how we feel; somehow we're "allowed" to & it's considered normal, understandable & desirable. Our children are encouraged to express how they feel both to us and to the school. In my limited experience of the school, our own & our children's feelings are accepted and taken into account


I'm starting to get v. emotional now so I'll stop trying to be profound. Not sure who I'm crying for...
I was going to type that I am sorry that thinking about this made you cry, but then decided that it's 'better out than in'. I used to suffer from horrible sinus infections and post-nasal drip (hmmm, probably a bit too much information there). One day a naturopath described the condition as 'internalised tears', and I realised that the condition always got worse when I thought or spoke about living in NZ. Not really a reflection on NZ, which is a beautiful country, just not a good place for me to live. Worked through some of the emotional issues et voila - no more feeling as though I needed to drill a hole through my forehead to release the pressure.

Um, I have gone completely off track here. What I intended to reply was how much I agreed with your comment about us more freely expressing our emotions than our parents' generation did/do.

At the age of 10 or so my Mum would shelter beneath the kitchen table with her Grandmother while the Luftwaffe bombed the c%#p out of the railway line at the end of the road. Her parents, younger sister, and the family pets were in the air raid shelter in the garden. I have always suspected that, if not before then, she buried her emotions, as a coping mechanism, and never regained the ability or want to express them openly.

Not healthy :)

xx

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Post by Ajarn Philip » Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:38 am

huggermugger wrote:
I do have photos of him in uniform sitting on the radio in the kitchen.
I wouldn't have taken his photo, I'd have told him to get off.

I don't know, no discipline these days...
I know exactly what words I am wanting to say, but somehow or other they is always getting squiffsquiddled around

Phil Underwood Ma A Col A Mid B 68-75

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Post by huggermugger » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:39 am

Ajarn Philip wrote:
huggermugger wrote:I do have photos of him in uniform sitting on the radio in the kitchen.
I wouldn't have taken his photo, I'd have told him to get off.

I don't know, no discipline these days...
:lol:

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Post by huggermugger » Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:03 am

icomefromalanddownunder wrote:At the age of 10 or so my Mum would shelter beneath the kitchen table with her Grandmother while the Luftwaffe bombed the c%#p out of the railway line at the end of the road. Her parents, younger sister, and the family pets were in the air raid shelter in the garden. I have always suspected that, if not before then, she buried her emotions, as a coping mechanism, and never regained the ability or want to express them openly.

Not healthy :)

xx
It's a very natural & basic, almost physical reaction - shut down unnecessary functions in order to save energy & be able/ready to deal with a crisis. Emotion isn't strictly necessary & in extremis can actually be detrimental. Keep very still & very quiet & it might just all come out right. It's good in theory but there's still fallout that needs to be sorted somehow.

I think children even do it in less traumatic circumstances, resulting in a sort of brutalisation. It's like the nerve endings get numbed & never regain feeling. That's why we (ie: my family) make sure we keep talking. And that's why I've found the (mercifully short) period of non-contact so difficult. I need to know the channels of communication are open, just in case.

And as we've seen, the channels are used to request tuck! :roll:

But I'm mighty relieved that at the moment it's that mundane. Long may it continue!

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Post by Angela Woodford » Mon Sep 17, 2007 9:20 am

icomefromalanddownunder wrote:
huggermugger wrote:Having said that I can't look at photos of him too often!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - very interesting.

Our home was full of photos of my younger sister, who didn't attend boarding school, and none of me (who attended CH). I always thought that it was because Elaine is the pretty one, and that Mum didn't want photos of me on show because they would 'lower the standard'.
Reading this with interest Caroline. I'm suggesting with great caution - maybe your mother didn't have pictures of you everywhere because she missed you - as a woman who kept her emotions strictly under control she might have felt more distressed if she'd been looking at photos of you?

:?:

Love, Munch
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Post by englishangel » Mon Sep 17, 2007 9:38 am

I was thinking the exact same thing Munch.

Update on daughter at university.

(Saturday 5.30pm) Phone call as we walked in the door from dropping her off that she had met loads of people and was having lots of fun.

(Sunday 10.55 am) Text. "Top up please".

To be fair, she had asked me on thursday and I thought I had done it but that is all we have heard. Her Dad is missing her terribly. I have just slept in her bed the last 2 nights.
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"

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Post by icomefromalanddownunder » Mon Sep 17, 2007 9:39 am

Angela Woodford wrote:Reading this with interest Caroline. I'm suggesting with great caution - maybe your mother didn't have pictures of you everywhere because she missed you - as a woman who kept her emotions strictly under control she might have felt more distressed if she'd been looking at photos of you?

:?:

Love, Munch

Hi Munch

Yes, that was the train of thought that huggermugger's earlier post led me to.

How was DR's memorial service? Eagerly awaiting info, and on how the house hunting went.

xx
PS: I promise to try to remember to have Jasmine's photograph with me when I pass a PO tomorrow, and to try to remember to pull over and post it. Apologies for my slackness :oops:

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Post by lonelymom » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:01 am

huggermugger wrote:Having said that I can't look at photos of him too often!
I'm quite the opposite. I keep looking at photos of her, and (I think this is the first, if not the second sign of madness) talking to them!

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Post by Katharine » Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:20 pm

I have often wondered what it would be like to have siblings one at CH, or other boarding school, and the other not. With me my older brother, Peter, started at Horsham when I was just 5, and both of us younger ones were expected to follow to CH in due time. So while Peter was there and we weren't it wasn't a question of his being treated differently.

My parents didn't manage to find a Governor for either of us so we both took Almoners' exams, but my brother John did not get in. As I have said elsewhere he died, after an accident, a month before I started. Thus I never experienced our being treated differently and it is not something I know about.

This morning I had breakfast with 2 old 7s, who were in the same year and had sat opposite each other at meals for most of their school life, and have obviously been in touch in the intervening 40 years. One of them mentioned her sister to the absolute astonishment of the other, she had no recollection whatsoever of the existence of the sister.
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Post by lonelymom » Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:31 pm

englishangel wrote:I have just slept in her bed the last 2 nights.
I thought of doing that, but since my daughter's bed is one which involves scaling a ladder, I thought better of it.

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