First Leave Weekend - a Post Mortum??!
Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 3:57 pm
Hello all
Just to say that I am going to need some input from some of you this evening (if we're all still awake) or over the next couple of days. This is in haste, whilst my son is at his Dad's for a few hours. I have had quite a few tears from him (son, not father...) particularly on Saturday morning as he is saying that he is being given a hard time by some of the others, particularly the third formers. This is of the name-calling variety, some fairly unpleasant, plus telling him fairly constantly that he is "gay" What is it with boys?(rhetorical question!). They are also taking his stuff & throwing it around, resulting in some of it being lost. (Parker pen, cuddly toy etc). They come into his room when he's not there & take stuff, resulting in needing to lock most of it up. He has gone thro inordinate amounts of tuck, claiming that the older lads badger constantly to be given some & has asked me to provide more, saying that it will keep them off his back.
He did say he didn't really want to go back but then I had expected that. We were warned that the going back after the first leave weekend would be very hard all round. When asked by his big sister he said actually most of it had been sorted. I did have an e-mail earlier in the week from him saying that everyone hated him & were calling him names etc, that they threw things at him, that he had only one friend and that he hoped it would stop soon. I talked to his housemaster who then told me that it had been sorted out inhouse and that my son (going to adopt a convention from elsewhere & call him DS - dear son) was much happier again. And I did get another e-mail on Friday morning saying "Sorry about that - bad day". But, as I said, since then he has howled & said - I know I've got to go back but I really don't want to. Makes me feel absolutely torn in two.
He has said "I didn't know it was going to be like this - they don't tell you about all that stuff" He does like the lessons & the work is fairly OK for him, likes the teachers in general, enjoys the sporting activities etc. He has acknowledged that he is eminently "windupable" and so reacts quite strongly if people have a go at him and he is an outgoing noisy character who sometimes doesn't know when to stop. So he is quite visible. But he is also small & unable to fight back effectively & he says if he completely ignores them eg when throwing his stuff about, then a lot of it simply doesn't come back to him.
Feel a bit sick now - can't bear the thought of throwing him back into the lion's den. I am walking a tightrope between consoling & sympathising with him - want to go & crack a few heads together - and trying not to allow him to blow it out of proportion & outweigh everything else that is good & also the opportunities he will get by staying there. I want to say - right, stay here, we'll sort out a local school & blow the lot of them. But I know we can't do that at this point & for what I suppose is fairly minor stuff. Altho I know darn well it isn't minor to him. And actually it isn't minor to me.
I have had a PM from another parent very much along the same lines & I have encouraged her to bring it here which I hope she will do. We both really need some support/help advice/ - oh - something.
However, here is a fair warning announcement: Please, please do not give me lists of how much, much worse things happened to you/your friends/your children and how it didn't really do you much harm in the long run, in fact it made you/them the person you/they are today. Or even how it scarred you for life. I honestly can't cope with that at the moment - my imagination is already doing overtime & doesn't need to be fed any further. And I know much worse things happen. I'm just not in a "thank my lucky stars" sort of mood at the moment.
Having said that, constructive or sympathetic or even bracing messages are of course very welcome. I'm not trying to restrict your freedom of speech, just asking you to be careful of us... vulnerable parent alert....
Just to say that I am going to need some input from some of you this evening (if we're all still awake) or over the next couple of days. This is in haste, whilst my son is at his Dad's for a few hours. I have had quite a few tears from him (son, not father...) particularly on Saturday morning as he is saying that he is being given a hard time by some of the others, particularly the third formers. This is of the name-calling variety, some fairly unpleasant, plus telling him fairly constantly that he is "gay" What is it with boys?(rhetorical question!). They are also taking his stuff & throwing it around, resulting in some of it being lost. (Parker pen, cuddly toy etc). They come into his room when he's not there & take stuff, resulting in needing to lock most of it up. He has gone thro inordinate amounts of tuck, claiming that the older lads badger constantly to be given some & has asked me to provide more, saying that it will keep them off his back.
He did say he didn't really want to go back but then I had expected that. We were warned that the going back after the first leave weekend would be very hard all round. When asked by his big sister he said actually most of it had been sorted. I did have an e-mail earlier in the week from him saying that everyone hated him & were calling him names etc, that they threw things at him, that he had only one friend and that he hoped it would stop soon. I talked to his housemaster who then told me that it had been sorted out inhouse and that my son (going to adopt a convention from elsewhere & call him DS - dear son) was much happier again. And I did get another e-mail on Friday morning saying "Sorry about that - bad day". But, as I said, since then he has howled & said - I know I've got to go back but I really don't want to. Makes me feel absolutely torn in two.
He has said "I didn't know it was going to be like this - they don't tell you about all that stuff" He does like the lessons & the work is fairly OK for him, likes the teachers in general, enjoys the sporting activities etc. He has acknowledged that he is eminently "windupable" and so reacts quite strongly if people have a go at him and he is an outgoing noisy character who sometimes doesn't know when to stop. So he is quite visible. But he is also small & unable to fight back effectively & he says if he completely ignores them eg when throwing his stuff about, then a lot of it simply doesn't come back to him.
Feel a bit sick now - can't bear the thought of throwing him back into the lion's den. I am walking a tightrope between consoling & sympathising with him - want to go & crack a few heads together - and trying not to allow him to blow it out of proportion & outweigh everything else that is good & also the opportunities he will get by staying there. I want to say - right, stay here, we'll sort out a local school & blow the lot of them. But I know we can't do that at this point & for what I suppose is fairly minor stuff. Altho I know darn well it isn't minor to him. And actually it isn't minor to me.
I have had a PM from another parent very much along the same lines & I have encouraged her to bring it here which I hope she will do. We both really need some support/help advice/ - oh - something.
However, here is a fair warning announcement: Please, please do not give me lists of how much, much worse things happened to you/your friends/your children and how it didn't really do you much harm in the long run, in fact it made you/them the person you/they are today. Or even how it scarred you for life. I honestly can't cope with that at the moment - my imagination is already doing overtime & doesn't need to be fed any further. And I know much worse things happen. I'm just not in a "thank my lucky stars" sort of mood at the moment.
Having said that, constructive or sympathetic or even bracing messages are of course very welcome. I'm not trying to restrict your freedom of speech, just asking you to be careful of us... vulnerable parent alert....