Not wanting to go back - is this common?

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ReallyMissingHer
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Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by ReallyMissingHer » Tue Sep 01, 2009 8:51 pm

We've had real tears over it. Started off with "if you can't afford it I don't mind leaving" then onto "I don't want to go back".

Is this fairly common?

She's had a great summer, consolidated a lot of friendships at our church, she's realised the family dynamics have changed, she's quite possibly being hormonal too. She has to work hard at school, her house year didn't get on that well etc.

Any similar (or very different) experiences about not wanting to go back?

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by lonelymom » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:01 pm

Yes, don't panic. I've pm'd you :)
lonelymom :rolleyes:

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by Vonny » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:35 pm

I used to feel the same - probably for the first 1-2 years. But this was Hertford! Saying that, once I had been back for a day or so I was completely fine. For me it got easier the older I got - but the move to Horsham could have had something to do with this!
I am sure your daughter will be fine once she is back at CH with her friends and gets back into the routine.
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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by Katharine » Tue Sep 01, 2009 10:12 pm

When we had problems with our son, not at CH, I talked to his housemaster who said "Well if he preferred school to home, there would be something very wrong with or at home" That made me feel a lot better. It didn't last long, and I only remember it being really bad one term. Later it was definitely us not wanting them to go back - it is terrible standing at the airport waving them off to the other side of the world, they survived it, and I suppose I did too!

I think Vonny is correct that once she is back in the swing of things, it will all be a lot better.
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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by stellavision » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:02 pm

Hey there, me too ......... daughter has become increasingly grumpy as that time get's nearer

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by J.R. » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:08 pm

I was exactly the same in the spring of 1958, locking myself in my bedroom, resulting in eventually being loaded into a taxi and taken back to Horsham.

If memory serves, after the first year, I quite looked forward to 'going-back' and renewing friendships forged !
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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by stellavision » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:20 pm

John, I'll let you know Sunday, once I've prised her fingernails from my leg

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by J.R. » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:31 pm

In hindsight, I think the wrench is caused by leaving home for the first time at the start of your first term. I wouldn't say I was spoilt as a child up to the age of 11, having lost my father when I was 7. Times weren't hard, but in reality after the war years, I faired fairly well.

I remember feeling I had been abandoned by my Mother, so resented being sent back to school for the start of my second term. The major benefit I eventually gained at CH was a sense of complete independence and the ability to stand on my own two feet.

I'm not sure if this helps at all !
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by Mid A 15 » Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:20 pm

This may read as an inappropiately flippant remark but it is not intended as such.

Do you want to go back to work after a good holiday?

I know I don't and the same is true of children and returning to school.

It seems worse because the children are boarding and thus you cannot communicate as much as you both would like but essentially it is the same emotion.

I can remember not wanting to go back because I was enjoying life at home but the reason life at home was good was that we were in "holiday mode" much of the time. Children will not necessarily realise that though at the time. They just want the "good times" to continue for as long as possible and don't look beyond that.

Once I was back I was back and I quickly slipped back into CH life.
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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by englishangel » Wed Sep 02, 2009 7:06 pm

It was the start of MY second year when I REALLY didn't want to go back. I had missed a week at home by going to stay with a friend and vowed I would never do that again and I remember running down the road to my Grandma's and asking her to hide me so I didn't have to go back. Needless to say she did nothing of the sort. However after that I was absolutely fine.
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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by Jo » Wed Sep 02, 2009 7:21 pm

I did that to my poor parents for about my first four years. Tears, sometimes hysterics, for the last week or so of the holidays. They were always quite firm: go back, and if you really don't like it, you can leave. I was always homesick at school too for the first few days, but not so much that I wanted to leave. I think they actually looked into an alternative day school quite seriously for me once, and I told them quite firmly that I didn't want to leave CH. I wonder they didn't throttle me :oops:
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ReallyMissingHer
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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by ReallyMissingHer » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:52 pm

Thanks for all your reassurances, it's good to know that it's "normal", hopefully next summer it won't be so bad. i don't think it helps that we haven't seen much of her over these holiday - she's been away for nearly 4 weeks of them, had her best friend here for 5 days plus lots Dad time so not with "us".

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by stpandp » Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:43 am

also flippantly, but maybe will help to put into context, this old story:-

mum, I don't want to go back to school.

of course you do, you know you'll enjoy it when you get there.

mum, I really don't want to go back; nobody likes me, the work is too hard, it's horrible.

but you have to go back

why?

because you're the headmaster!!! :lol:

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by Ajarn Philip » Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:22 pm

Mid A 15 wrote:This may read as an inappropiately flippant remark but it is not intended as such.
Do you want to go back to work after a good holiday?
I know I don't and the same is true of children and returning to school.
It seems worse because the children are boarding and thus you cannot communicate as much as you both would like but essentially it is the same emotion.
I can remember not wanting to go back because I was enjoying life at home but the reason life at home was good was that we were in "holiday mode" much of the time. Children will not necessarily realise that though at the time. They just want the "good times" to continue for as long as possible and don't look beyond that.
Once I was back I was back and I quickly slipped back into CH life.
I don't think that was flippant at all, it reflects my own experience very well. My first year was tricky, to say the least, but I can remember having the 'end of holiday/going back to school/ohmygodpleaseno' dream long afterwards, when I was more than happy at CH, but in the car on the way back to CH the sense of keen anticipation grew the closer we got.

As someone quoted a housemaster saying earlier, as a parent you should be more concerned if life at CH is so much better than holiday time at home!
I know exactly what words I am wanting to say, but somehow or other they is always getting squiffsquiddled around

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Re: Not wanting to go back - is this common?

Post by fra828 » Thu Sep 03, 2009 1:15 pm

For the first year at least, I hated going back to Hertford; that sick feeling in the stomach would start on the Thursday, prior to going back the following Tuesday. :cry: The last few days of the holidays were very hard. On the actual dreaded morning, I would often be in tears, protesting I didn't feel well etc, but as soon as we got to Liverpool St. and I met up with friends, I was ok. I can still remember the feeling of relief and comfort on meeting up with them. :)

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