Anxious parents

Area for current parents, past parents and future parents of Blues or Old Blues.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
CHDad
Deputy Grecian
Posts: 327
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:46 am

Anxious parents

Post by CHDad » Mon Aug 09, 2010 6:10 am

My son is about to start at CH in September. My wife and I have been happy with the idea of him going to a boarding school up until now. The full realisation that this is going to happen in just over a month has now really started to hit home. We are a close family and we are so worried about the change we are about to make. Needless to say our son is not as worried as we are! Are other new parents experiencing the same concerns? Can existing parents offer any reassurance / advice? Thanks.
Last edited by CHDad on Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

anniexf
Button Grecian
Posts: 1898
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:29 pm
Real Name: Ann Wilkinson 8s
Location: England

Re: Anxious parents

Post by anniexf » Mon Aug 09, 2010 8:52 am

Be reassured, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! There will be lots of parents feeling just like you - when they see your post they'll recognise themselves! Just sit back and wait for the deluge of replies ....

And well done to your son for getting a place at CH! I'm sure he'll love it.

User avatar
Mid A 15
Button Grecian
Posts: 2929
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 1:38 pm
Real Name: Claude Rains
Location: The Patio Of England (Kent)

Re: Anxious parents

Post by Mid A 15 » Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:32 am

anniexf wrote:Be reassured, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! There will be lots of parents feeling just like you - when they see your post they'll recognise themselves! Just sit back and wait for the deluge of replies ....

And well done to your son for getting a place at CH! I'm sure he'll love it.
Welcome to the forum CHDad!

I echo what Annie says and would also mention that the more lurid tales on here relate to long past times and, other than geographical features and buildings, the School is unrecognisable from those times if tales on the forum have in anyway contributed to your anxiety!
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72

ailurophile
Deputy Grecian
Posts: 454
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:42 pm
Real Name: Jo

Re: Anxious parents

Post by ailurophile » Mon Aug 09, 2010 12:52 pm

CHDad, your concerns are perfectly natural - I'm sure that almost every CH parent gets anxious before their child starts boarding, I know I certainly did. If this is any help, I've had two sons at the school; the eldest was very keen on the whole boarding idea from the start (says a lot for our home life!!), but the youngest said he would not want to follow the same route. However once he saw how much his brother enjoyed the school, he decided to apply too. In both cases, the experience of seeing them 'fly the nest' has been tougher on us as parents than it has been on the children, who are kept too busy during their first weeks to find much time for homesickness! It's much more difficult for parents who can feel very lonely and isolated, especially if you don't know any other families whose children have gone away to board. You've taken a helpful step in posting about your worries on this Forum, we're all here to support you! Before you know it your child's boarding will become a natural part of your family life, and you'll all appreciate the time you spend together during the vacations even more.

My advice would be to try to focus on what's got you this far (there are so many good reasons for choosing CH), don't let your son see how anxious you are feeling, and enjoy the last weeks of the summer holiday. Good luck!

anniexf
Button Grecian
Posts: 1898
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:29 pm
Real Name: Ann Wilkinson 8s
Location: England

Re: Anxious parents

Post by anniexf » Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:27 pm

CHDad, you may find the topic "Best wishes to all the new second form" helpful - there are plenty of posts there that echo your feelings:

viewtopic.php?f=40&t=3325

But don't be tempted to withdraw your son at the last minute because of your anxieties - another parent who recently posted here did that, & really upset his son & wife, and has been desperately trying (without success, I believe) to get him a place in Year 9. He has to live with his regret.

midget
Button Grecian
Posts: 3186
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:49 pm
Real Name: Margaret O`Riordan
Location: Barnstaple Devon

Re: Anxious parents

Post by midget » Mon Aug 09, 2010 8:53 pm

Wecome, CHDad. I echo the remarks made by Annie. Don't worry about us griping about CH Hertford, in what now seem like the bad old days. Things realy were different then and I think they must have a great time now, inlovely surroundings.
I was separated from my parents at the age of 6 at the start of the war, and I doubt if they had much time to worry about me. Kids are more adaptable than you think, so try not to let your son see that you are worried, and please do come on to the forum if you have a problem. Almost certainly someone else has been through the same thing and will be able to reassure you.
Thou shalt not sit with statisticians nor commit a social science.

Katharine
Button Grecian
Posts: 2937
Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2005 10:44 pm
Real Name: Katharine Dobson
Location: Gwynedd

Re: Anxious parents

Post by Katharine » Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:12 pm

Another from the Hertford days saying welcome CHDad. My sons went to boarding school, but not CH. It is not easy and there will be child size hole in your family at first - but hey he's not gone for good, and you know why you are doing it, he knows he is loved and that is the most important thing in any child's life.

Our case was very different in that my husband worked for the British Council so we were "globally transferable" and could be sent anywhere in the world so we wanted continuity and education through English medium. I remember one Ambassador saying to me not to worry about sending children away as you had such intense holidays to make up for it, and there is some truth in that. You don't have the nagging of homework each day but the time together in the holidays without such deadlines. Again I realise our life was different in that they were surrounded by others who went to boarding school, and it was the 'done thing' for the british children.

It is not easy saying goodbye at the start of term, and for us it never got easy, and ours were flying away from the age of 8 until third year university, so we have had many an airport farewell. They seemed to look forward to going back and seeing their friends again and your son will too.

Good Luck!
Katharine Dobson (Hills) 6.14, 1959 - 1965
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia!

CHDad
Deputy Grecian
Posts: 327
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2010 5:46 am

Re: Anxious parents

Post by CHDad » Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:22 pm

Thanks for the replies thus far (please keep them coming), it really does help. When we talk to our friends and relatives I get the distinct impression that they think we are mad to send our son to a boarding school, they are too polite to say so but I am sure that is what they are thinking. However it is only once you have visited C.H that you can understand why we want to do this. It was also something that our son really wanted to do, he was inspired by visiting C.H. Reading your thoughts and comments is very reassuring indeed. Thank you.

User avatar
icomefromalanddownunder
Button Grecian
Posts: 1228
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2006 6:13 am
Real Name: Caroline Payne (nee Barrett)
Location: Adelaide, South Australia

Re: Anxious parents

Post by icomefromalanddownunder » Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:57 am

CHDad wrote:Thanks for the replies thus far (please keep them coming), it really does help. When we talk to our friends and relatives I get the distinct impression that they think we are mad to send our son to a boarding school, they are too polite to say so but I am sure that is what they are thinking. However it is only once you have visited C.H that you can understand why we want to do this. It was also something that our son really wanted to do, he was inspired by visiting C.H. Reading your thoughts and comments is very reassuring indeed. Thank you.

Hi CHDad

Having just returned to Australia after a wonderful three weeks visiting family in UK, I am reminded of how lucky we are here, not to be as subject to the 'what will the neighbours/family/friends think'. Who cares what they think (particularly if they don't have the courage to voice their opinions and give you the opportunity to discuss your decisions if you so wish)? Follow your heart, and be strong in the knowledge that you are doing what is right for you and your family :)
Caroline Payne (nee Barrett)
Hertford 6.20 1965-70

Adelaide, dear Adelaide; where the water is foul, but the wines more than make up for it.

User avatar
englishangel
Forum Moderator
Posts: 6955
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire

Re: Anxious parents

Post by englishangel » Tue Aug 10, 2010 8:31 am

Another 'old' Hertford 'girl' here. I agree with Katharine about the child-sized hole. I am the oldest of four and my parents always felt that it was my choice to go, they didn't 'send' me, and they said they always felt the family was complete when I got home.
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"

User avatar
wickedwitch
GE (Great Erasmus)
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:42 pm

Re: Anxious parents

Post by wickedwitch » Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:17 am

<waves> we are starting in September. I think anxious is the norm at this point! x
wide awake on the edge of the world

User avatar
jtaylor
Forum Administrator
Posts: 1648
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:32 am
Real Name: Julian Taylor-Gadd
Location: Wantage, OXON
Contact:

Re: Anxious parents

Post by jtaylor » Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:32 am

CHDad wrote:Thanks for the replies thus far (please keep them coming), it really does help. When we talk to our friends and relatives I get the distinct impression that they think we are mad to send our son to a boarding school, they are too polite to say so but I am sure that is what they are thinking. However it is only once you have visited C.H that you can understand why we want to do this. It was also something that our son really wanted to do, he was inspired by visiting C.H. Reading your thoughts and comments is very reassuring indeed. Thank you.
I'm not a parent, but as an Old Blue here's my view for one it's worth...

On occassion my Dad still asks the question whether it was the right decision to "send" us (me and my brother) to CH. I reply with an absolute emphatic YES, without any question.
Both Mark and I chose to go to CH - and have not once looked back.
Those who've not experience boarding, not seen CH, and not spoken to any ex-CH pupil just don't get it - they can't see that the benefits hugely outweigh the down sides.
It's actually a very selfless thing to let your kids board - you will miss out on some bits of their growing up (the first time they get drunk, most probably!), but they will grow and become more rounded than they ever would staying at home.
The nay-sayers are usually thinking selfishly about them missing their kids - a natural reaction and a good one, but one which needs overcoming in order to give your kids the best possible education money can't buy...
I know that where I am today has largely been due to my CH education - going to a Croydon comprehensive wouldn't have given me the same opportunities for sure....
Julian Taylor-Gadd
Leigh Hunt 1985-1992
Image
Founder of The Unofficial CH Forum
http://www.grovegeeks.co.uk - IT Support and website design for home, small businesses and charities.

anniexf
Button Grecian
Posts: 1898
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:29 pm
Real Name: Ann Wilkinson 8s
Location: England

Re: Anxious parents

Post by anniexf » Tue Aug 10, 2010 12:25 pm

jtaylor wrote: I know that where I am today has largely been due to my CH education - going to a Croydon comprehensive wouldn't have given me the same opportunities for sure....
I beg to differ, Julian - my daughter got to Oxford from a Croydon comp., and 3 more of her year were offered Oxbridge places! My Hertford memories being so horrendous, I swore I'd never put a child of mine through that; but CH now bears no resemblance to the stultifying, repressive regime I recall. I do believe they actually like children these days! :lol:

User avatar
jtaylor
Forum Administrator
Posts: 1648
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:32 am
Real Name: Julian Taylor-Gadd
Location: Wantage, OXON
Contact:

Re: Anxious parents

Post by jtaylor » Tue Aug 10, 2010 12:37 pm

I'm not talking just academic achievement - I certainly wasn't up there academically, and no school could make me so.
It's the other elements that are more important in my opinion - a rounded education with diverse opportunities to build on interests and talents, without the obsession with purely academic achievement. Also, the genuine ability to mix with all backgrounds, in contrast to the high end public schools who,often, end up looking down on everyone else...
Those are the things I got from CH - in parallel with the good solid education.
Julian Taylor-Gadd
Leigh Hunt 1985-1992
Image
Founder of The Unofficial CH Forum
http://www.grovegeeks.co.uk - IT Support and website design for home, small businesses and charities.

anniexf
Button Grecian
Posts: 1898
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:29 pm
Real Name: Ann Wilkinson 8s
Location: England

Re: Anxious parents

Post by anniexf » Tue Aug 10, 2010 1:41 pm

jtaylor wrote:I'm not talking just academic achievement - I certainly wasn't up there academically, and no school could make me so.
It's the other elements that are more important in my opinion - a rounded education with diverse opportunities to build on interests and talents, without the obsession with purely academic achievement. Also, the genuine ability to mix with all backgrounds, in contrast to the high end public schools who,often, end up looking down on everyone else...
Those are the things I got from CH - in parallel with the good solid education.
I agree with that, Julian; CH these days, and even when you were there, offers far more than academic opportunity. It's almost breathtaking to read about the range of activities CH offers, and the interests it caters for - far more than you could get at the local comprehensive. And it was Barwen, I believe, who deeply regretted depriving his son of the social aspect of CH. It's certainly a unique school - no wonder there's such a fight for places!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests