The Morning After

Area for current parents, past parents and future parents of Blues or Old Blues.

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YadaYada
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Re: The Morning After

Post by YadaYada » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:38 pm

I'm so scared he'll grow distant from me.
Tinkerbell, I really hope I can reassure you. I have a son at CH rather than a daughter and was TERRIFIED that he would grow away from me. I also still sit on 'his' sofa when he is at school so I don't have to look at his empty space - daft, eh! You will reach the point though when you are glad to be able to get into their rooms to give it a good clean!

We are as close as we ever were. We spent 4 weeks backpacking this summer, just as we have most summers and things haven't changed. He texts me daily and keeps me totally up to date with his life at school.

It's only natural that you are all going to miss them like crazy but please don't think that you are going to lose that special relationship as that simply won't happen.

ailurophile
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Re: The Morning After

Post by ailurophile » Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:23 pm

Tinkerbell and all other new parents, I really do feel for you! Although this might not make you feel better right now, these first few days are the worst bit - and it's far harder for you and the 'home' siblings than for the children you left behind at CH yesterday, who will be busy and excited and making new friends.

If you're feeling low, just try to think back to all the reasons you and your child chose CH in the first place, and remember how you felt when you received that 'yes' envelope in the post. It's a wonderful school, and you've made a great choice which will change your lives, but hopefully only in positive ways!

Right now it's probably a good idea to get out and treat yourself to an evening with friends or an escapist trip to the cinema; have some fun, just like your children are doing!

YadaYada
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Re: The Morning After

Post by YadaYada » Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:33 pm

Right now it's probably a good idea to get out and treat yourself to an evening with friends or an escapist trip to the cinema; have some fun, just like your children are doing!
That IS probably a really good idea but if you don't feel like it (I didn't) then just do whatever you feel like doing. I think it is a bit like grief - people react in different ways and there is no right or wrong way of feeling about this. It's weird because you have helped them choose to go and then you, the parents, feel so terrible - it passes eventually.

Thinking of you all

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J.R.
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Re: The Morning After

Post by J.R. » Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:43 pm

Parents... Parents.... Parents.

Please don't shoot the messenger, but it is YOU that are really going through hell. Your nearest and dearest will feel a little lost for a day or two, but please believe me, within days, they will have made new friends, probably for life.

I'm willing to bet, (if I was a betting man, which I'm not), that come the end of the first term and they are back home, you'll be on here moaning about how grown up and independent they have become.
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.

Ineedacoffee
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Re: The Morning After

Post by Ineedacoffee » Thu Sep 08, 2011 10:39 pm

Love your opening line J.R. ! Thanks for the laugh. X

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jtaylor
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Re: The Morning After

Post by jtaylor » Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:01 pm

If anything both my Brother and I felt that we actually had a BETTER and CLOSER relationship with our parents - we appreciated them more, looked forward to seeing them, valued them, and never took them for granted.
Yes, we missed them, and they missed us - we grew up without them seeing us growing up, and hence it appeared we were growing up quicker and/or apart from them - but that was simply that they didn't see the incremental growth or trials and tribulations in detail.

So don't worry - they'll be fine - and so will you! Best decision you ever took!

J
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CHDad
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Re: The Morning After

Post by CHDad » Fri Sep 09, 2011 6:00 am

My son has been at C.H for one year now and I don't think we have grown apart at all, if anything we may be closer now. Please don't forget that they are home with you for nearly half of the year when you take into account all of the holidays and leave weekends. Also when they return after the first leave weekend they can have phones so then you are in touch with them again even when they are away at school. It is just these first 21/2 weeks that are really hard for the parents (the children are probably having a wonderful time). I find that you do get used to just focussing on these 3 week periods which after a while do pass very quickly. This term is particularly good as you have this initial period, then leave weekend, another 3 week period (when you can be in touch by phone) and then they are home for 2 weeks for half term. I found that the hardest part over the first few days was that I had a fear that my son was in tears and absoloutley hating it all and unable to contact us. I received an unexpected e.mail from him in his first I.T lesson (when they get given their school e.mail addresses) saying he was very happy and C.H was great - after that I was much, much happier!

Try not to worry, it will be fine and 2 weeks today they will be home for the weekend!

sallyscan
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Re: The Morning After

Post by sallyscan » Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:09 am

any advice for our dog please? - he is pining and lying on the floor by her bed - he has had extra treats and loads of attention and cuddles but I am obviously no substitute for an all singing all dancing 11 year old - it is so quiet here!! x

sallyscan
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Re: The Morning After

Post by sallyscan » Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:23 am

also - did anyone sneak in and film their first Lunch Parade? - I would have loved to have seen that. I need to stop imagining what they are doing every minute of the day ( and night) and start to get on with my own life, somehow. Tricky after all the focus over the last few years being about staying on track for CH- through tragedy, grief, losing our home,closing the business, hospital - anyway, long story and I feel I'm not alone on the "interesting journeys" which have brought us to this amazing place/salvation - so what now?............ She is safe (at last) and in a caring stimulating environment. Life goes on x - better get up and walk the dog! x

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Re: The Morning After

Post by pinkhebe » Fri Sep 09, 2011 8:13 am

CHDad wrote: Also when they return after the first leave weekend they can have phones so then you are in touch with them again even when they are away at school. It is just these first 21/2 weeks that are really hard for the parents (the children are probably having a wonderful time).

actually due to the new international students, apparently they can all have phones right from the beginning of term, a fact that no one told us!

But I'm pleased that he doesn't have a phone, or I would have bombarded him with texts checking he was ok. (I'm sure he is ok, If I didn't think he'd manage I wouldn't have sent him) and I'm sure that would have made the whole settling in process harder.
sallyscan wrote:any advice for our dog please? - he is pining and lying on the floor by her bed - he has had extra treats and loads of attention and cuddles but I am obviously no substitute for an all singing all dancing 11 year old - it is so quiet here!! x
Our Cat has gone a bit wierd - but it's impossible to say that he's missing our son, as he's quite wierd anyway. :D

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Jo
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Re: The Morning After

Post by Jo » Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:08 am

If it's any consolation, although I think I became more independent from my parents I still remained close to them. And as for siblings....I have two younger brothers, neither of whom went to CH, and I am very close to them both. Admittedly we are very close in age anyway, but I adore them both and we love all getting together for a natter and a catch-up. We're all in our fifties now and have seen each other through marriages, divorces, births, bereavements and lots else. My partner has one sister, also close to him in age, and they both grew up together at home but they're nowhere near as close as we are - I think he finds my family a bit claustrophobic sometimes. So if your children are close to each other now, I don't think you need to worry.
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lonelymom
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Re: The Morning After

Post by lonelymom » Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:13 am

It is possible to work out what your child's school email address will be, I've posted how to do it somewhere before. It's lovely to have an email from home waiting for them when they first use the computers in IT :)
lonelymom :rolleyes:

Pibble
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Re: The Morning After

Post by Pibble » Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:53 am

This thread is an absolute tonic! I've always believed that CH is an amazing opportunity for any child who gets in, of course I worried as to whether my daughter would cope etc but knew deep down that she would. However I never really considered how I would feel about her not being around. Honestly I wasn't really prepared for the confused bundle of emotions everyone in our household would feel after dropping her off.

I have to say that the girls in my daughters house were also an absolute tonic as well and made the whole process far less painful and difficult than it could have been. What was nice and a little surprising, if I'm honest, was how inclusive they were not only with their new housemate but also with us as parents, it was as if everyone had known each other for years. By the time it we had to leave we'd collected quite a gaggle of girls around us who were all so wonderfully kind, funny, engaging and supportive to us all. To think these girls are now my daughters role models, Brilliant!

Chin up everyone and be kind to yourself.

P

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Re: The Morning After

Post by cupcakemom » Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:29 am

Just had a brief e-mail from my dd - up beat, light hearted ... she's loving it! Just wondered if anyone could tell me what TP is. It's her next subject after IT and "it sounds really boring!" I'd respond to how boring I think TP is going to be IF I knew what it was!!
Never underestimate the power of a Mummy!

Pibble
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Re: The Morning After

Post by Pibble » Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:37 am

Perhaps its theology and philosophy! No news from my little sprog, suspect she has lost our email addresses! I've had a look on the forum for some guidance of working out the email address but it seems people tend to private message it, understandably. Can someone help me out?

Thanks

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