- GE (Great Erasmus)
- Posts: 197
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2010 3:51 pm
- Real Name: Sally Slade
- Location: Lincolnshire
- Mrs C.
- Button Grecian
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- Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:22 pm
- Real Name: Janet Chandler
- Location: C.H.
A nice though.Pibble wrote:It's my DD's birthday on the 17th, we are fortunate enough to live a stones throw away. We thought we would drop a birthday cake round to the house despite them coming home the next day, in fact she's placed her order already. I also thought it might be nice to get some doughnuts or the like for the house but I'm now wondering if that's appropriate.
She`ll certainly have lots of friends if you buy for the whole house!!
I`m sure they won`t complain!
Hi Antinous please don't feel rotten, I should have thought through my post first. We are very lucky in that we are very close to the school and can visit, I'm also very aware that most parents can't just pop in over a weekend and to that end we always try to visit when we know our DD will be with others, getting ready to march in for lunch on a Saturday, or if there is a house match on, so that we can say hi and chat with them as well, if they want too that is. I'm not sure that this makes much difference to the kids but it seems to be the right thing to do.Antinous1 wrote:I feel a bit rotten reading all these posts as, much as I might want to, I just can't afford a birthday visit to my child, or treats for their friends or house. I remember, when they first started at CH and a matron cheerfully suggested that it was always fine if I wanted to come up to school at weekends and take the child out for a meal (not so easy without a car anyway), thinking how totally out of our means that kind of thing was. I'm just wondering now if this kind of birthday celebration is a relatively new thing at the school or if there's always been this sort of obvious gap between the people who can manage visits and treats and those who can't? Don't get me wrong - I think it's lovely for the people who can do it and part of my feeling rotten is nothing more than plain old jealousy, but on a more general note I worry that as the number of full-fee payers at the school increase then so will the ways in which the differences in background among the children at the school become more marked. I know I'm not the only one who loves CH for the sense of equality that it can give to children from poor backgrounds and I do think it'd be a shame if this quality were to be lost.
I very much understand how cost prohibitive life is and normally I wouldn't be able to consider such a thing but I've been lucky this month and feel able to share in what would be a rare treat. But perhaps this urge was more for my benefit than anyone else and perhaps some attempt at appeasing my guilt for the home sickness she is struggling with. Does that make sense.
We too are so often unable to flourish gifts on our kids and so when I hear of new friends with second homes, ponies and the like my heart breaks a little because I can't offer her anything like those things. However, she never seems jealous and doesn't seem to have been singled out as the 'poor friend'.
I think in any school environment there will be a sense of haves and have nots which is more apparent to us as parents when we can't get the latest what ever is in fashion this week for our kids and perhaps in a boarding school environment the difference is more stark, but again I suspect that this is only really obvious to us parents. Kids see beyond socio-economic/ cultural/ religious etc barriers far better than we do and I'm sure that the housey and a sense of 'we're in this together' really helps with that.
I know it wasn't your intention but I'm sorry if my comments were upsetting I really hadn't intended to make anyone feel rotten as I've felt the same when I've read some posts on other threads and I'd hate to think I've done the same thing to someone else.
Birthdays are very odd with the child not actually there, aren't they?
Please don't feel bad. I can assure you that for SAS and I visiting CH is a rare treat - we both live up in Lincolnshire and petrol costs are horrendous. It's not something I take for granted at all.
The boarding houses organise cakes for birthday students so there is no expectation that the parent provides anything like that - I certainly didn't last year when DS had his birthday in school. I also didn't go and see him on his birthday or go down especially for the weekend before it.
Antinous1, don't feel bad. You're doing your very best for your son, and I'm sure that to him you're the most wonderful mum in the world!
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