What Funerary Arrangements Would You Want?

[englishangel]

Oh ailurophile, perhaps he thought you would put him out in the green recycling bin to be collected on a Tuesday morning.

I also have been fortunate to have not been to many funerals, mainly 'old' people who had led long lives. However last year my cousin's wife died at the young age of 40 of a cancer more commonly seen in elderly smokers/drinkers. Her funeral was heartbreaking with the cremation first, followed by a memorial service in the same Norman church and with the same music as when they were married.

And just this weekend my uncle found my 49 year old cousin dead in his bed after 30 years of Crohn's disease. His poor heart just gave out.

[sejintenej]

Mary; it is when you start to get much older that your contemporaries really start disappearing. Unfortunately I've been to too many funerals - a 29 year old died of cancer, my best man's funeral last Friday shortly after he had buried his wife and son 2 years apart - he was 6 months younger than me, people I worked or had other association with, many people in their 50's to 80's. Close to my son's grave there are many of those who died before their tenth birthdays - tragic for the families.

I remember a gentleman (in his 70's) told me that he read the (then) front page notices of the Times every morning and if he didn't see his name as "the late...." he would plan what to do for the day. Funerals are the price of longevity.

Edit: thinking back the first funeral I would have gone to was when I was just five - the man had laid in the house for several days and the funeral was a major affair because of his past. The next one I remember was when I was 17 - adopted mother #2, a neice aged 13 (leukemia), two guardians (the man referred to in para 2 and his widow) but apart from my son the rest have been acquaintances - two cllose to me and the rest not so close.

[englishangel]

That's why I said I was fortunate, I think when I was Plums age I had only been to my grandmother's.

[ailurophile]

Englishangel wrote:

Oh ailurophile, perhaps he thought you would put him out in the green recycling bin to be collected on a Tuesday morning.

I would imagine that's exactly what dad was hoping for. Either that, or he envisaged that the Council were going to send a couple of blokes round with a handcart and a bell, shouting 'Bring out your dead.'!

[englishangel]

That is definitely the cheaper option!

[jhopgood]

I am sure I have mentioned this elsewhere but the system in the village and used by all being buried in the local cemetery starts with a tolling of the church bell, rounds of 3 for a man, 2 for a woman. Most church bells can be heard in the adjacent village, so we are all advised and speculation as to whom it is starts, normally resolved with a quick phone call to the village gossip.
The open topped coffin then "lays in state" in the deceased's house, or that of a family member.
Close family stay with the body, and others wander in to commiserate. I have never partaken, but according to my catholic wife, they also do the rosary or some such as the mood takes. This period can be from 12 to 24 hours whilst they get hold of the priest, prepare the niche in the cemetery, buy flowers etc.
At the agreed time, the coffin is then carried to the church, or put in the back of a hearse, and family and friends follow the body to the church where it is "displayed" near the altar. The deceased' family occupy the front rows, men on one side and women on the other, right in front of the coffin.
Close family and the women of the village stay in the church and the men hang around in the village square outside the church.
After the service, the women all file past the coffin, again commiserating with the family, followed by the men, after suitable jostling to get into the queue.
Once everyone has been past, the coffin is carried out and taken down to the cemetery, about 100 yards outside the village, normally in the hearse, but occasionally by pallbearers.
At the cemetery the coffin is installed in it's niche and sealed in, and flowers are placed. Normally the tombstone is put on later, as it may include photos, be for the couple etc. Never seen it "live" but more than one old tombstone appears to be for husband and wife, and occasionally children.
Everyone hangs around for a while and then drifts back to the village.
As a small village, with other small villages close by, it is usual to see people from all of the villages at a funeral.
Quite an occasion, and woe betide anyone from the village, barring foreigners, who doesn't have a good excuse for not being at the church.
Foreigners tend to use the funeral parlour, as it takes time for relatives to fly in.

[Kim2s70-77]

Mary; it is when you start to get much older that your contemporaries really start disappearing. Unfortunately I've been to too many funerals - a 29 year old died of cancer, my best man's funeral last Friday shortly after he had buried his wife and son 2 years apart - he was 6 months younger than me, people I worked or had other association with, many people in their 50's to 80's. Close to my son's grave there are many of those who died before their tenth birthdays - tragic for the families.

I remember a gentleman (in his 70's) told me that he read the (then) front page notices of the Times every morning and if he didn't see his name as "the late...." he would plan what to do for the day. Funerals are the price of longevity.

So true, sadly! I am the youngest in my family, so have been a little younger than my siblings when the 'rash' of deaths started. My grandparents died when I was a child - but I sort of expected that as they were 'Old' (obviously a relative term these days!). I am acutely aware of the subsequent losses, because it necessitates a trip across the Atlantic for funerals. In fact - there was a period of 10 years, when I only returned to UK for funerals or very serious illness. It started with my father's death in 1995 and was followed by my sister (44) in 1997. Since then, my stepfather; Aunts; Uncles; brother-in-law; 2 friends; Niece (35 - ovarian cancer); Niece (32 - hit by car) and mother, have all died. In that time, my children's cousin (aged 21) - was shot and murdered and they have also lost their other Grandmother to cancer. I guess I am now "on the front lines"!!

[NEILL THE NOTORIOUS]

John----- I may have mentioned before, that when My Father bought the "Old Vicarage" in Long Load, Somerset, he was told that he had to keep the Beer in the stables.

Since he was a Teetotaller, he found this strange ---- until he found out, that it was spelled "BIER"

Dusted down ang polished for the occasion, it was the only vehicle used, in the Village, for such an event !

[Bingo the Poop-Eating Dog]

Dusted down ang polished for the occasion, it was the only vehicle used, in the Village, for such an event !

What's more, he directs hit movies such as Brokeback Mountain and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon as well as polishing funeral biers. A very talented man indeed.

[midget]

When I was about 12 we lived miles from almost anywhere in Bedfordshire. The local "witch" as the kids always called her surprised everyone by announcing her engagement to "Old Jack" a gentleman of the road. They moved into her cottage until one dark and stormy night, when a farmer and his wife, her nearest neighbours, were busy with a difficult lambing. Their son answered a frantic knock on the door, and found the witch standing there.
"is your dad in?" she said.
The little boy was terrified, but indicated that both his parents were busy.
"When he comes in ask him to come over and bury Jack for me"

Sorted, no complicated arrangements.

[Jo]

Whereabouts in Bedfordshire, Midget? I grew up in rural Beds so I'm just wondering if your "miles from anywhere" is somewhere I know!


Chris (other half) wants to be cremated, then put into a big firework and let off into space.

Anyone who read my FB status this morning might excuse me wondering whether I am obliged to wait until his demise to carry out his wishes

[midget]

Whereabouts in Bedfordshire, Midget? I grew up in rural Beds so I'm just wondering if your "miles from anywhere" is somewhere I know!

On a lane known as Thorn Turn, which was up a hill out of Bidwell (pronounced Biddle). There were 2 farms and in between them was a house called Oakwell Park. During the war a small insurance company was evacuated there, and my parents were gardener/handyman and cook/housekeeper. I believe that after the war it bacame a country club. Although it was built just before the war, by one of the Crossley-Holland family, it pretended to be a Tudor mansion!

[englishangel]

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&tab=wl

[Jo]

Whereabouts in Bedfordshire, Midget? I grew up in rural Beds so I'm just wondering if your "miles from anywhere" is somewhere I know!

On a lane known as Thorn Turn, which was up a hill out of Bidwell (pronounced Biddle). There were 2 farms and in between them was a house called Oakwell Park. During the war a small insurance company was evacuated there, and my parents were gardener/handyman and cook/housekeeper. I believe that after the war it bacame a country club. Although it was built just before the war, by one of the Crossley-Holland family, it pretended to be a Tudor mansion!

Ah, looks like it's just outside Dunstable. I grew up in north Beds so don't know the Dunstable area I'm afraid.

[Kim2s70-77]

Dusted down ang polished for the occasion, it was the only vehicle used, in the Village, for such an event !

What's more, he directs hit movies such as Brokeback Mountain and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon as well as polishing funeral biers. A very talented man indeed.

{{snort}}