Jokes, please.....

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Mid A 15
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by Mid A 15 »

Fjgrogan wrote:The Scout Camp thing has distinct shades of a song that started 'Hello Farder, hello Mudder, here we are at Camp Granada .......) - was it by Bob Newheart? when I first went to teacher training college (about 1963) it formed a large part of the concert put on by the more senior students for us 'freshers'!
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by Fjgrogan »

That's the guy. I bet someone will now find him on You Tube!
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by bluegrunt »

Fjgrogan wrote:That's the guy. I bet someone will now find him on You Tube!
http://youtu.be/D2Hx_X84LC0
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by Fjgrogan »

Yep - that is definitely the one. 1963 was the year I started at college.
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NEILL THE NOTORIOUS
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Post by NEILL THE NOTORIOUS »

Fjgrogan wrote:Yep - that is definitely the one. 1963 was the year I started at college.

Surely not ? you must have been about 6 !




(You would never guess, I used to be in Politics ?) :oops:
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by Fjgrogan »

This age business is getting too complicated to get my head around. My father will be about Neill's age next week, but won't remember how old he is. My older daughter says that she started to go backwards on her 40th birthday, which now makes her younger than her little sister. So now I am off to enrol in playschool, alongside my grandchildren!
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Post by NEILL THE NOTORIOUS »

Remember --- old age -- in my case 83, has its avantages.

1. I'm tired -- I'll go and sit down (When you feel disinclined !)

2. I can't remember where I put ----- (When you know, perfectly well -- it is upstairs ! )

3. I don't want to drive in the dark --- (Enabling you to swig the liqour !)

4.This knee------- (When you don't feel like walking to the postbox ! )

Add your own ! :lol: :roll:
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Post by Fjgrogan »

It works well for the depressed too, Neill. Sitting in front of a TV screen or a computer, to disguise the fact that one is actually just gazing into space!
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by bap »

I've been diagnosed with sausagephobia. I fear the wurst...
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by sejintenej »

Wife goes into the kitchen and finds the husband holding a fly swatter and intently watching something.

"What are you doing?" she asks and is told "killing flies"

"Did you have any luck?"

"Yes, three males and two females"

"How on earth do you know if they are males or females - they are too small?"

"Easy, the males were on the beer and the females were on the 'phone"
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Post by sejintenej »

After they ate the apple Adam went into the garden and found a fig leaf to wear.
Eve went into the garden and tried on a fig leaf, then a banana leaf, then a vine leaf, then a chestnut tree leaf .............. and is still looking
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by sejintenej »

For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the 'guards', probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.

A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . The Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the cattle guards immediately!
Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden intervened with a request that...before any cattle guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining to become Arizona border guards. "Times are hard", said Joe Biden, "it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families!"
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by J.R. »


Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider have discovered a new element, a strange, beige coloured metal. It may be named magnolium.
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by NEILL THE NOTORIOUS »

A further isotope of this has appeared ------ MAGNOLIA -- which is white or purple, according to it's electrical charge.
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Re: Jokes, please.....

Post by AKAP »

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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