7 Dwarves - which are you?

[Jude]

I'm not addicted to this forum, but it is a way of socialising....

For those in the know, I am now a granny.... baby girl born yesterday seems healthy, no more details - it might (hopefully) be temporary, wait on paternity test - my wretch of a son.. I love him to bits, but I do not like the way he leads his life or the things he feels are acceptable - like this 1 night stand with no protection, whilst drunk and stoned..... see - Prescott's values are being passed down generations... Loads of girls around here get pregnant as it gives them a home - which we the tax payers pay for... so I now might be a grand mama at the tender age of 42.... I'm feeling suicidal.

[englishangel]

Jude texted me at 23.42 with this information, Jude, do you now feel old as well as suicidal?

[Jude]

Jude texted me at 23.42 with this information, Jude, do you now feel old as well as suicidal?

I have aged beyond my years overnight, yesterday I was a 42yr old with blonde hair, today (after no sleep ) I am totally grey with a weird perm with what scarily looks like a blue rinse, have shrunk in height to that of a dwarf, and need a zimmer frame to waddle about..... I think my new dwarf name is "granny zimmer"

one question arises out of this - this is not how I brought my children up - they both admit that they have strong values of yes and not, what's right and whats wrong - so why me?

Saz is in the process of divorcing me, ergo she can't be an Aunt if she has divorced the family, Chris is doing Bug**er all. DNA test is needed - I even offered to take him (blind as I am now with cateracts etc.....)

Plus if it is his, and ergo mine - I would like an input to both mother and child... all you Mums and Dads out there - how would you react? wouldn't you wnat to see your grandchild even though it was from a most improper conception?

can't driink (it and I are doomed never to be friends again it seems either I or my body doesn't like alcohol, or alcohol no longer likes me) don't want a cigarettee.... going to get some cash from the PO and Bank, and drown myself in milk - no that Cleopatra's thing... errrr Orange Juice???

What a bore I am!

[Mid A 15]

Jude,

You can't plan everything in life.

The important thing is for the little girl to be loved and if she is your sons I'm sure everyone will rally round, even your daughter.

To answer your question yes I would want to see my grandchild even if the circumstances of the birth were, for want of a better word, unconventional.

[Jude]

Jude,

You can't plan everything in life.

The important thing is for the little girl to be loved and if she is your sons I'm sure everyone will rally round, even your daughter.

To answer your question yes I would want to see my grandchild even if the circumstances of the birth were, for want of a better word, unconventional.

Thanks Andy
It's strange that sometimes you just need someone to say "you are doing ok" what you think/feel is normal.. I have to admit that I have been pretty poorly the past 4 weeks some of it probably due to the imminent birth of a child who is innocent and deserves the best. Some of it just "time for a relapse"

Thsi is when being single is crap - there is no one to talk to about how you feel, or who understands really what you are going through. oh well, life goes on and on with it I must go.

Granny Zimmer to the rescue!

[J.R.]

Jude - I agree with the above comments. Neither of our two daughters ever wanted to get married after discovering pregnancy. Eldest daughter still lives with partner and their two daughters. She is a senior caterer in a local school, runs the After School Club at another school, is an F.A. registererd football coach for girls and is doing a high-grade NVQ in education.

Marriage seems to be 'old-hat' to the current generation. As MidA said, as long as the children are loved and cared for - That's all that matters !

[englishangel]

Trust Dr Zoidberg to hit the nail on the head, but I would say chocolate might help too.

((((((Jude))))))

That is the pre-smiley way of giving hugs.

[cj]

Plus if it is his, and ergo mine - I would like an input to both mother and child... all you Mums and Dads out there - how would you react? wouldn't you wnat to see your grandchild even though it was from a most improper conception?

A child's relationship with their grandparents is so important. It gives them a sense of belonging to a wider group, connections, roots etc and a chance to have a relationship with an adult that is less constrained by daily routines and parental discipline codes. Grandparents can often be the stability a child may desperately need if parental relations are difficult or domestic situations change. Plus, I think g/parents can be more objective in their appraisal of situations as they are one stage removed. My step-daughter was co-raised by her maternal grandmother after the relationship failed and her mother left. When I arrived on the scene I realised that, whatever my thoughts and feelings about the situation were, her welfare had to be paramount and that meant continued access for everyone. In fact, they have taken on our own daughter as their own grandchild too. And once the facts are clear about the paternity, it may be the key to changing your son's view on his life, now that someone else is needing him.

[Jude]

Thank you all for your wisdom and thoughts, it has been a very hard 24 hours, and with a relapse like I have it will hit me about 3 days in the future.. Sadly I made contact with my son, but he is "waiting for the mother of the baby to sort out the paternity test" I asked him why he hadn't gone straight to the hospital when he heard of the birth, and had it done then - no answer, except he doesn't know where to go or what to do. This is supposedly and intelligent young man, who sadly love him I do but like him I certainly do not and that dislike is for the total lack of moral fibre and backbone, and getting on and sorting out what could be in the future a very traumatic thing. He is like hi father - head in a book, or on the computer games ignoreing life exists.. no wonder we fight, I am a go sort it out and then knowing it's sorted get on with it person.

oh well off to bed - no ice cream no chocolate but thank you for the hugs and best wishes.

Jude xxx

[cj]

Thank you all for your wisdom and thoughts, it has been a very hard 24 hours, and with a relapse like I have it will hit me about 3 days in the future.. Sadly I made contact with my son, but he is "waiting for the mother of the baby to sort out the paternity test" I asked him why he hadn't gone straight to the hospital when he heard of the birth, and had it done then - no answer, except he doesn't know where to go or what to do. This is supposedly and intelligent young man, who sadly love him I do but like him I certainly do not and that dislike is for the total lack of moral fibre and backbone, and getting on and sorting out what could be in the future a very traumatic thing. He is like hi father - head in a book, or on the computer games ignoreing life exists.. no wonder we fight, I am a go sort it out and then knowing it's sorted get on with it person.

oh well off to bed - no ice cream no chocolate but thank you for the hugs and best wishes.

Jude xxx

Jude, don't be too hard on him. Parenthood, even when a child is planned and very much wanted, can make you feel out of your depth and very scared. If there is the possibility that the baby is not his, he may not want to engage just yet when the result could turn out to be negative. And you need to look after yourself, because the time may come when he and that little baby may really need you.

[Jude]

Thanks Cath, but at 21 nearly 22 I do think he should be a little more adult! At his age I was married and had had him! Talk about scary - he took 3 days of very bad labour to arrive and then I didn't see him for 2 days as he needed to be resusced and sucked out and I needed sleep - but I have put every fibre of my being into bringing up these two children - at 18 my daughter was straight on the mark as to what to do about a paternity test - he's have over 6months to find out what to do and where to go - I even offered to take him. However, as he is head in the sand, it won't be done until a few years down the line when she decides she does want money from him, and by then he might be married or have anotehr family etc.. Far better the horrors are done now, and then all of us can get on with life either as a father , Aunt and grandmother, or not. I know it's putting old head on young shoulders but he has a serious relationship with a very manipulative girl, who is probably calling the shot.. Men! ha!

No doubt RR and JR and a host of others will damn me for that remark! I think I might change my dwarf name :
grumpy unproven- granny greatly stressed!

I prefer cats! actually I might refute that after finding 2 under my bed (BIG ones) and a further 4 elsewhere... mice I can cope with RATS and BIRDS - sorry! no can do..

grumpy unproved-granny scared of rats and birds greatly stressed...

These are getting like American Indian names!

son - Him that sticks head in the sand
daughter - she who drinks much, but works hard
me - b****r off I'm busy!

[J.R.]

I don't damn you at all Jude.

Relationships are very hard to start and even harder to contine through life.

There's only one boss in this house, God bless her !