How long before the crying stops?

[J.R.]

I didn't think 'nice gals' lusted ?

[englishangel]

I didn't think 'nice gals' lusted ?

I think you may have the wrong idea about me John

[J.R.]

It's the stockings and suzzies !

[Vonny]

I was homesick for the first week or so of ech term for the first year and maybe a while after that. But that was Hertford! After that I was fine and certainly by the time I was at Horsham I was quite keen to go back. Not for educational purposes though
Back then (and probably more so at Hertford) we were very cut off with little means of contact. There were no mobiles or pc's/laptops etc. Just a phone in the science block (Hertford) with restricted use. And although Horsham was better we still only had one phone per house (and that was invariably hogged). I can imagine things must be easier in that respect with pupils using mobiles & pcs.

[Ajarn Philip]

His name was Paul.
Use your imagination!!

Already did.

Her name was Sandra.

She was a very nice gal!

[Ajarn Philip]

More seriously, apart from my first year and my last few months, I had a pretty good time at CH. But I do remember regularly having nightmares during the holidays that when I woke up I would be back at CH... and I mean nightmares.

Being at boarding school (and I'm talking about 35-40 years ago) can give you many advantages in life. It is unlikely to result in a closer relationship with your immediate family.

I have to stress that I'm talking about my own experience, quite some time ago - there were few visits, no weekends away, basically just the holidays. I didn't really get to know my younger sister (now 48...) until we were adults.

Having said that, and looking back to those (fairly distant) times, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

I'm 51 now, living in Thailand, and soon to re-marry. If a child arrives in the next few years, I would be delighted if he/she could have a CH education. But only CH.

[englishangel]

More seriously, apart from my first year and my last few months, I had a pretty good time at CH. But I do remember regularly having nightmares during the holidays that when I woke up I would be back at CH... and I mean nightmares.

Being at boarding school (and I'm talking about 35-40 years ago) can give you many advantages in life. It is unlikely to result in a closer relationship with your immediate family.

I have to stress that I'm talking about my own experience, quite some time ago - there were few visits, no weekends away, basically just the holidays. I didn't really get to know my younger sister (now 48...) until we were adults.

Having said that, and looking back to those (fairly distant) times, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

I'm 51 now, living in Thailand, and soon to re-marry. If a child arrives in the next few years, I would be delighted if he/she could have a CH education. But only CH.

Me neither, but there are 8 years between us. Funnily I was closer to my brother who is 7 years younger than I.

[Mid A 15]

I think some of this depends on how many children there are in the family.

It is inevitable that a parent will miss an only child more than one of a few simply because there is more time to dwell on the absent child if there are no siblings also making demands on time and purse.

[englishangel]

Absolutely, especially if there is only one parent too, the home must seem very quiet and empty.

[ReallyMissingHer]

Hi

Back at last!

10 days ago on the Friday I had a text to say she'd had a bad day and then a phone call on the Sunday to say she wasn't feeling well and I didn't cry which is

A text on Saturday saying she's fed up of someone being nasty and wanted to come home and could I ring her after 1.30pm. Which I did and it's all sorted and she's okay but still homesick.

So I'm feeling much happier I can talk to her without dissolving and she is happy to divulge that it's not 100% wonderful and she has bad days and that she's still homesick. I never thought I would be so relieved to here that one of my girls had had a bad few days!!!!

I have 3 much younger girls which do keep me very busy but there is still a noticeable gap in our family even though she's only ever normally here about 50% of her free time!

Thanks for the helpful posts and the pms that I received that were reassuring that I wasn't a complete nutter for missing her so much.

[Jenny T]

Goodness, what a superb range of really helpful thoughts and advice!
No, you're not a 'nutter', but dare I venture to say that maybe you do need to 'get a grip'---------in certain respects.

The crux of it is obvious, you have a really close bond with your daughter, (well done!) so she knows only too well that you're missing her hugely. But to me it's a bit like a contract; her role is to try hard to get on with settling in like all the others (appear!?) to be, and your role is to act upbeat, calm (yes I'm the 'calm' mother that's been mentioned-- I didn't realise at the time that it worked!) and above all leave her feeling positive and happy as your call ends.

Think of all the huge advantages ahead of her, (she knows them too as you've talked together about them) and perhaps remember too that young people are easily able to switch their mood onto the next thing that distracts. Friends around will know how to support; in my experience, children have a hugely well-developed sense of mutual care which is often much more sophisticated than an adult's. And they have a strong bond at C.H- not least that they're all in the same boat.

So, try to keep your sense of humour about the way emotions take over; there's a thin line between laughing and crying and a giggle about it would really help her, I suspect. Hang in there. Good luck!

[Angela Woodford]

in my experience, children have a hugely well-developed sense of mutual care which is often much more sophisticated than an adult's. And they have a strong bond at C.H- not least that they're all in the same boat.

Jenny, these are just my own memories; but I don't remember any "sense of mutual care" in my days at Hertford. Close friendships between older and younger girls in the same House were discouraged. Friendships between girls in different Houses weren't exactly discouraged but took more effort to maintain. I remember many of the crazes and interests that bound us together, but little of the personal things that caused us joy, panic or anxiety. Forty years later, I realised that many of the friends I thought I knew well had home situations that nowadays I would consider deeply distressing. Mutual care! But it wasn't done.

I still wish I could have said and done the right supportive things for friends at the time.

I think the sense of mutual care you describe is a modern thing, and I applaud it. I enjoyed seeing my daughters and son able to be tactile, cuddly, frank and affectionate with friends of both sexes. I wish this had been acceptible during my schooldays!

[J.R.]

Having just read your latest post, ReallyMissingHer, may I just say this is following the normal pattern.

In a year or so, it'll be you sitting at home wondering if she's alright, because you haven't heard from her for a few days !

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Jenny, these are just my own memories; but I don't remember any "sense of mutual care" in my days at Hertford.

Hi Munch

My initial reaction to Jenny's post was a snort of derision - er, make that jealousy. Then I took a deepish breath and remembered Judy Evans attempting to console me after she found me snivelling at the beginning of one term. I denied that there was anything wrong, even after she told me that Penny (her younger sister for anyone other than Munch reading this) found returning to CH very distressful (my words. Can't remember what Judy actually said).

So, while I would agree that there was no sense of mutual care in our day, I feel that this was as much due to the prevailing attitude of maintaining a stiff upper lip and not admitting to being 'weak' as it was to anyone of us not caring.

Thank goodness that the Age of Aquarius dawned.

xxx

[Angela Woodford]

Caroline!

You've done it again!

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, the Age of Aquarius...

Judy Evans! Yes, she was a supportive and enormously capable person. You've jogged my memory about how kind she was in marshalling us all to get the dreaded Needlework completed on time.

And I've been able to thank Sarah T later in life for keeping an eye on my criminal tendencies.

Sorry, RMH, I'm Hertfordising your thread. How's it going? I have really been feeling for you, and hoping that your daughter is settling in. Maybe - when you speak, sound really excited planning a project to do together when you next have time with her? A movie, an exhibition; something on which she can focus and to which she can look forward?

(Just having a flashback of watching my father's car drawing out of the Gates... waving... waving... Back.)