Boarding

[cj]

In a similiar vein to the discussion by CH parents about missing their children when they first leave, I'd like to ask those posters who chose to send their children to boarding school (CH or elsewhere) why they did so.

What was it about your children that made you think a boarding school would be the right place for them?
What were the 'needs' that made boarding an option to be considered (if it's not too personal to ask) - family, geography, behaviour, education etc?
For those that have now passed through the system, would you do it again knowing what you know now?

And for those who wouldn't consider using the boarding system, why not? (Money is usually the biggest factor, but apart from that.)

I have absolutely no axe to grind, I'm just curious - I certainly don't want to open a massive can of worms and undo years of people's expensive therapy!! Looking back, I'm not sure that boarding from 11 was the right thing for me personally (and I was given some say in the matter) and as a result I wouldn't consider it for our children - that's only how I feel at the moment, but they are not me and the situation may be different in a few years. Obviously there were huge advantages at CH that I wouldn't be so churlish as to deny, but I think that I needed 'maternal nurturing' for longer and felt emotionally very cut off and isolated at that age. Going away at 16 (Deps/6th form) may have been a better option, but it wasn't available in many places then. My parents' decision to send us away* was based on our 'academic' needs - and CH was the place to fulfill that partly due to it's charitable status and our financial constraints.

*I don't really like the term 'send away' as it has all sorts of connotations of unwanted-ness but don't know what to use as a substitute. You know what I mean.

[blondie95]

Although i havent got children to 'send away to boarding school' i when the time comes wouldnt want to do so. I hope that i will be in the postion where we will be living somewhere where the local state schools are very good (and yes there are plenty where thats the case). Also I cant help but think that I would miss out on a key part of their growing up.

I would however fully recomend and may do so sending them at 16. I think that gives them a great oppountuity to really develop into their own people and learn alot about lving away from home and looking after themselves.

But as i said i dont have children and have therefore not been faced with this consideration and decision

[Great Plum]

I always wanted to go to CH - it just so happened that Dad then became a teacher there...

having grown up within a prep school with boarders etc, boarding seemed a natural thing to do...

[Momto2]

In our case it was definitely a matter of poorly performing state schools in our area including our designated senior school which is under "Special Measures".

Our children were lucky enough to go to independent prep schools but the senior school fees were prohibitive and CH was the perfect solution.

At the moment I don't feel as if I'm missing out on their growing up I have to say - it does amaze me when they come home and seem to have grown 4 inches in 3 weeks and I always forget how much they eat and how much room them take up Seriously, I feel that we get the best of them when they're home - it's as though we're missing the 'stroppy teenager' bit (though it does start to show a little towards the end of the long summer holiday)! They've never given us any cause to think they aren't happy with the boarding but maybe this is something that comes with retrospect.

It's an interesting question though and I can't tell you how many people (mainly women) have condemned us for sending them to a boarding school!

[Mid A 15]

In a two parent family to board or not to board has to be a joint decision.

My wife used to work as a residential social worker (loosely akin to a matron in CH terms) in various childrens institutions and saw far too much of the negative side of boarding.

She was adamant therefore that she did not want that lifestyle for her own children. Another probable factor, judging by the grief I get and have had for many years, is that she despairs of how a boarding school product, namely me, turned out!

I had good and bad times at CH but was not able, in all honesty, to accentuate the good points sufficiently to outweigh the undoubted merits of her negative viewpoint. Furthermore all my girls were opposed to the idea of boarding when the subject was broached.

Money was also an issue so we moved to an area with grammar schools and our daughters have all attended grammar school for at least part of their education.

Two of the three have degrees and also have or are studying for postgraduate qualifications. The third obtained 12 A-Cs at GCSE and, like Gemma and Josh, has just started her "A" level courses.

I like to think that, for our children at any rate, we have made the right decision.

[Katharine]

From my various comments you probably know our reason for choosing boarding - John was 'globally transferable' for the British Council and we expected to spend most of our working life in the Third World - without knowing in advance where we would be when.

When we were first married, ie those halcyon days before children, we were in Ghana. I was teaching at the most academic girls' school in the country. John was outposted training Chemistry teachers, I used to give a lift to the daughter of an American visiting professor who attended the school. She was a very, very bright child who had spent the previous year in the UK gaining 10 As at O levels (almost unheard of in those days) She was adamant that she would have far preferred to stay in the US and go to school there to get the US credits she needed for college rather than continually moving around. She had the added difficulty of always being the cleverest in the class.

Now while I didn't expect any children I had to necessarily be as brainy as her, I remember going home and discussing it with John. We decided that any children we might have would go to board - and would start at the beginning. This was from my CH experience as I did not start with the majority but joined at 12, and many friendship groups had been formed which I always felt helped to make me feel an outsider.

Our sons seem to have survived very well! Jeremy is severely dyslexic, we thought he was confused seeing Malay much of the year, then Welsh as well as English (Malay for taxi is Teksi, Welsh is Tacsi). He was diagnosed in the first term and they found help for him, he now has a PhD in Chemistry; had he been in the State system in the mid 80s the diagnosis may have taken a lot longer and he may never have achieved anything academically.

My main regret is not moving Patrick for VI form to somewhere where he could have done IB instead of A levels, the school had agreed that he could do Maths Chemistry and German, but when he returned after GCSE Chemistry and German were set against each other. "Why don't you do Maths Physics Chemistry like your brother?" He was not his brother, he was an individual. When you are on the other side of the world you don't know what is happenning. It would have been too late to move him then but it still makes me cross.

[blondie95]

Its interesting reading all the reposnses here, its made me realise how lucky i was that the state schools i went to were so good. Although I think that was a concious decision by my parents to when dad moved private schools the states schools were good. We left JAGS in London because my parents wanted us to be in the country and the local state schools were nore good.

My decision to go to ch at 16 was my own, all my parents had said that if at 16 I wanted to board i could. I wanted to as i had grown up aorund boarding schools and wanted to see what it ws like (the fact i was badly bullied at secondry school and meant i could get away from these people also featured)

[cj]

Seriously, I feel that we get the best of them when they're home - it's as though we're missing the 'stroppy teenager' bit (though it does start to show a little towards the end of the long summer holiday)!

I think my parents felt that also, and having seen other contemporaries in action having slanging matches with their folks I was much more appreciative of them during holidays.

It's an interesting question though and I can't tell you how many people (mainly women) have condemned us for sending them to a boarding school!

Does that upset you or can you disregard them?

[ben ashton]

Boarding schools: Bad for Britain

Times2 14/09/07

[ben ashton]

versus

How boarding can be better than family

ibid

[Euterpe13]

As an OB, I always wanted my children to have a public school education, although I did not initially intend to send them to CH ( Bas was down for Winchester).
Change in family situation meant that CH became the only ( then) option.
As I lived in France at the time, visiting was well nigh impossible, but it was imperative to send son to boarding school, for family/safety reasons.

He moved at GCSE year to KES, where his sister joined him. Sending her to boarding school was a no-choicer - I could not deprive her of the education offered to her brother, and she wanted to be with him.

I missed them both terribly....

[Happy]

Can I ask why he moved to KES?

[Euterpe13]

Can I ask why he moved to KES?

When he first went to CH, Bas was on the extreme end of the "scapegoat" scale, and went through a lot of very heavy bullying - to the point when I had to call the HM and threaten legal action if anything more happened to him.

Things got a bit better, but the damage was done and he started developing psychological troubles. He was so unhappy that he continually got into trouble and eventually had to leave CH , but Mr. Poulton arranged for him to transfer to KES, where he was so much happier that it was almost painful - he said that KES was heaven after CH.

In later years he recognised that perhaps he had made things worse for himself by rising to any offered bait ( being half french was the starting point of things), but this does not in any way justify the physical abuse to which he was subjected.

Laura had been accepted at CH, but preferred to be with her brother at KES.