Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. Sources clos...

The Twelve Days of Christmas ****** NEWS FROM THE NORTH POLE ****** (or - The Trend Toward Corporate Downsizing:) The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and a...

One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386." He started to type it and paused, asking me, "Where's the key for that line thing?" I asked what he was talki...

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."
Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"

How "they" do it when it comes to SEX: Accountants do it with Double Entry Acupuncturist do it with a small prick Ambulance driver comes quicker Australians do it Down Under Bach did it using the organ Bankers do it with interest Bartenders do it on the Rocks Batman does it using his Robin...

AN AMAZING CONCLUSION: 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle manageme...

Probably recycled but worth a second read "Some marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning." "Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the number that re-enlist." - James Garner "Keep your eyes wide open before marria...

There may be some truth in this, even though it comes from across the Atlantic. Men Are Just Happier People What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. ...

Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me." His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and k...

When my kids heard that Margaret Thatcher had felt 'faint' in the hairdresser beforee she went to hospital the following conversation ensued. HD. Are you all ready for Christmas then Mrs T. Mrs T. Yes thank you. I hope Carol will come to see me before then, I haven't heard from her in 3 weeks. HD O...

These are actual quotes taken from Government employee performance evaluations. 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but ...

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and ...

Tony Blair is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital. Towards the end of his visit, he is taken onto a ward of people with no obvious signs of injury. He greets the first patient and the chap replies: "Fair fa' you honest sonsie face, Great Chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak ...

After marrying a young woman, a ninety-six-year-old gentleman told his doctor that they were expecting a baby. "Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged him. Pointing his u...

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his ...