Corporate corner (incorporating management bollox-speak)

Richard Ruck · Post by **Richard Ruck** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:45 pm

OK, time to organise your pet hatreds into one vitriolic thread! This subject pops up sporadically in other threads, so it probably deserves our full and undivided attention in highlighting the worst examples.

I'll kick off with communications which are sent 'from the desk of......'. Aaaarrgh!!!

Corporate pomposity at its very worst!

This post comes to you from the desk of Richard D. Ruck, Founder and President of Terra Firma Music, Ltd. (no. of employees - 1).

Mid A 15 · Post by **Mid A 15** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:56 pm

The subtle change in the meaning of the word "efficient" or "efficiency".
Once upon a time it meant an improvement in customer service. Now it is a euphemism for redundancies.

Revenue streams and growing your Turnover. I keep expecting references to Alan Titchmarsh when I see those phrases. Sorry Richard

J.R. · Post by **J.R.** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 6:22 pm

"Let me run this one past you !"

"Lets run it up the flag-pole and see who salutes it !"

............. to name just 2 of many !

midget · Post by **midget** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 8:23 pm

Richard Ruck wrote:OK, time to organise your pet hatreds into one vitriolic thread! This subject pops up sporadically in other threads, so it probably deserves our full and undivided attention in highlighting the worst examples.

I'll kick off with communications which are sent 'from the desk of......'. Aaaarrgh!!!

Corporate pomposity at its very worst!

This post comes to you from the desk of Richard D. Ruck, Founder and President of Terra Firma Music, Ltd. (no. of employees - 1).

You should worry! We were even treated to this 'from the desk of our Secretary' inour little U3A newsletter-and yes he was a pompous ****

Richard Ruck · Post by **Richard Ruck** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:30 am

midget wrote: You should worry! We were even treated to this 'from the desk of our Secretary' inour little U3A newsletter-and yes he was a pompous ****

We can only guess at your chosen epithet!

marty · Post by **marty** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:56 pm

Richard, could I just touch base with you before we move the goalposts and start thinking outside the box?

Some pet hates of mine:

"It is vital that we give customers the best possible experience in order to maximise shareholder value"

"Your call is important to us and will answered by the next available agent"

Mrs C. · Post by **Mrs C.** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 9:52 pm

I`ll take that on board.

(going on a plane/boat somewhere then??)

Post by **jtaylor** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:44 pm

You're next on my list..............of things to ignore

AKAP · Post by **AKAP** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 8:49 am

The trouble with you lot is you are not, horizon scanning, if you were you would realize how clever these words and sayings are.

Great Plum · Post by **Great Plum** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 10:03 am

Singing from the same hymn sheet is very irritating...

mr tall · Post by **mr tall** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 11:35 am

We are not allowed to brain-storm anymore as it is supposed to insult those who have problems that way. I suggested we had concept-tsunamis instead but they didn't think that was much better.

Post by **jtaylor** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 12:30 pm

And as for "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep".....

Apparantly the reference to black sheep was actually due to white wool being taxed, and hence black wool being highly sought-after - hence, it's actually a very positive thing to ask for as it was highly desirable.....

Political Correctness?? Mad.........

hoob · Post by **hoob** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 10:07 am

No one has mentioned the obvious

Ballpark

or is that too obvious?

hoob · Post by **hoob** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 10:12 am

And God said let their be Light; and there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good;
And God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the Light Day

And the Darkness he called Management

And God said Let their be Best Value Performance Indicators, that all the beasts in the field may complete in gloabilsed market places.

And Lo, the Earth brought forthe beasts of the field and creeping things, which were promoted unto Senior Management and given dominion over all mankind.

On the Seventh day, God rested, and said unto himself,

"I wonder if I should have outsourced this to someone wo knew what they were doing

hoob · Post by **hoob** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 10:18 am

(or can type)

Can anyone transalate this?

When an altered variable prompts negative feedback, forward system thinking by the management will result in a strengthening rather than weakening of the inherent structural stability of the organisation.

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Corporate corner (incorporating management bollox-speak)

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