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sejintenej
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If Trump was captain of the Titanic:

Post by sejintenej »

This is from a column in the Sydney Morning Herald, an Australian newspaper

If Trump was captain of the Titanic:

1.There isn’t any iceberg


2.There is an iceberg but it’s small and in another ocean


3.The iceberg is in this ocean, but it’s small and will melt in about three days


4.There is an iceberg but we didn’t hit the iceberg


5.We hit the iceberg but the damage will be repaired very shortly


6.I didn’t know how big the iceberg was until a week ago


7.The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg


8.We aren’t taking on water, but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat and they are beautiful lifeboats because we make the best lifeboats in the world


9.Look passengers need to ask nicely for lifeboats if they want them


10.We don’t have any lifeboats, we’re not lifeboat distributors
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loringa (Fri May 08, 2020 10:04 am)
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Je suis prest.

sejintenej
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Posts: 3719
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
Location: Essex
Has thanked: 131 times
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RThe other side of covid

Post by sejintenej »

After suggesting injecting disinfectant to beat covid-19, Trump is being charged with Bleach of the Peace and Domestos Violence




* I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

* I need to practice Social-distancing from the refrigerator

* Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —The Living Room or The Bedroom.

* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

* Home-schooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

* I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

* This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came in my house and told my dog ... we laughed a lot.

* Quarantine Day 30: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

* I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage, What should I wear?

* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

* Day 27 of Home-schooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year” ... I’m offended.

“My kid started home-schooling today, how do I get him transferred out of my class?!”
These users thanked the author sejintenej for the post:
J.R. (Thu May 14, 2020 12:53 pm)
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Je suis prest.

sejintenej
Button Grecian
Posts: 3719
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
Location: Essex
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Life in today's world - upside down

Post by sejintenej »

- 2019: Stay away from negative people. - 2020: Stay away from positive people.

- The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

- You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day drinkers.

- This virus has done what no woman has been able to do ... cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!

- Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!

- Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

- Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

- Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

- I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

- Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend? Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.

- Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.

- I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”

- When this is over ... what meeting do I attend first ... Weight Watchers or AA?

- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers, and we get really excited about car rides.

✧ ✧ ✧
Je suis prest.

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