From the sublime to the ridiculous

Anything that doesn't fit anywhere else, and is NON CH related - chat about the weather, or anything else that takes your fancy.

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sejintenej
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by sejintenej » Sun Jul 29, 2018 12:49 pm

OK you can think I'm sexist but I am from the era when mem were men and . (work that out for yourselves)


The wife is complaining about me again to the neighbors She now tells everyone I’m 300% impotent.
A few days ago I was only 100%, not 300%.
According to her after I fell down the stairs, broke my finger and bit my tongue...
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My wife dropped her keys & said “What’s WRONG with me?”
I named 6 things before I realized it was a rhetorical question.
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Sometimes I’m right. Other times my wife is close enough to hear what I’m saying.

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My wife asked me today if I would ever cheat on her. I replied, “Who else would I cheat on?”

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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

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I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she’s been giving me lately.

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It’s nice that after 17 years of marriage I can still have a sex dream about my wife.
Last night the role of my wife was played by Jessica Alba.
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My wife always cheats when we play board games, like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door **** the neighbor.

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A husband comes home and asks the wife what she’d do if he won the lottery.
Wife: I’d take half and leave your ass.
Husband: I won $12, here’s 6 bucks now get the **** out!
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

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J.R.
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by J.R. » Sun Jul 29, 2018 12:59 pm

Priceless !
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.

sejintenej
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by sejintenej » Sat Oct 20, 2018 7:13 pm

My wife and I were both members of PETA, only different organizations. Mine was People Eating Tasty Animals. Anyway, early in our marriage, her doctor told her he wanted to run a test on her that involved the death of a small animal. When she didn’t think much of the idea, he asked her what she would use. She thought for a minute and responded with politicians, lawyers and convicted felons.

After the doctor stopped laughing, he asked her why she saved the convicted felons for last. “In that order” asked the doctor?

Her response was classic and the poor doctor never recovered.

She said, “Yes, absolutely. I saved the felons for last because there is an outside chance they can be rehabilitated.”

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Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early, do.

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Good friends are like fine wine. That’s why I keep mine locked in the cellar.

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Whenever I want to be left alone, I go to the mall and hold a clipboard.

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Old MacDonald was dyslectic, O-I-O-I-E
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If Veggie Tales did the story of Judas, it would be called ‘Judas is a carrot”.

(Or was that Judas Asparagus?)

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Why can’t Dalmatians hide?

Because they’re always spotted.
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The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest.
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If someone doesn’t like cats, it just means that he’s never had them cooked the right way.

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If you give your wife flowers for no apparent reason, it makes her suspicious.

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If you had a stadium full of midgets, and they stood up to do the wave, it would be a ripple...

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Dinosaurs didn’t read. Now they are extinct. Thank goodness the thesaurus survived.
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

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J.R.
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by J.R. » Sat Oct 20, 2018 9:03 pm

Brilliant !!
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.

sejintenej
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Missing cat and one for the orphans (I can't resist)

Post by sejintenej » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:53 am

Missing cat.
Please return Dead and Alive to Erwin Schroedinger


Ban pre-shredded cheese.
Make America grate again.


Ants are healthy, because they have little anti-bodies


This is my stepladder.
I never knew my real ladder
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

sejintenej
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A simple question ?

Post by sejintenej » Sun Nov 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Who wrote:

Give me the child and I will mould him into anything"

I have heard "Hitler" "Nietszche" "Skinner"

Does anyone actually know?
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

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LongGone
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Re: A simple question ?

Post by LongGone » Sun Nov 04, 2018 2:39 pm

sejintenej wrote:
Sun Nov 04, 2018 1:26 pm
Who wrote:

Give me the child and I will mould him into anything"

I have heard "Hitler" "Nietszche" "Skinner"

Does anyone actually know?
Supposedly, Aristotle.
Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man
If a stone falls on an egg: alas for the egg
If an egg falls on a stone: alas for the egg

ZeroDeConduite
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by ZeroDeConduite » Sun Nov 04, 2018 4:46 pm

Then Ignatius Loyola - and the Jesuits.
Then Bill Gates ;-)
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MrEd (Mon Aug 12, 2019 4:59 pm)
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PrepA 1951-2 Peele A 1953-60

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J.R.
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by J.R. » Sun Nov 04, 2018 4:53 pm

I'm almost too afraid to add my thoughts.

Maybe ex CH teaching staff could enlighten us. However, what deceased people have said in the past is really nothing to do with today.
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.

sejintenej
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A bit more serious this time

Post by sejintenej » Thu Dec 27, 2018 8:24 am

Whilst writing or reading, dozing or sleeping I usually have YouTube playing.

I was pleasantly surprised that this morning YouTube gave precedence to "The Panda Made Me" which is so obviously an Old Blue's set of films or whatever. Many are of CH BUT the hit is that Rebekah Weatherhead runs for charities such as the WWF and is asking for contributions.

Her several contributions are at
https://www.youtube.com/user/CH21stC/featured
and I would recommend the background on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt02VCQjwSA
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

sejintenej
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Mathematics: Brilliant!!

Post by sejintenej » Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:29 pm

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 years’ experience.

It has an indisputable mathematical logic. . This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint ... and it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, than while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It is the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

sejintenej
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Scandahoovians:


Post by sejintenej » Wed Jun 05, 2019 11:26 am

I don't know where this originated but it was reposted elsewhere by an Old Man with a Pen


Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Hans, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Hans and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of the Conor Pass. At the Conor Pass, Sven looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."


He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Hans watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Hans shakes his head and says, "Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."



Moments later Ole arrives up at Conor Pass. He's been to the pet shop, too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Hans. Watch dis," Ole says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Hans watches as half way down, Ole takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Ole continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Hans shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."



Hans is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Lars then grasps the chicken by the
legs holds it over his head and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Hans shakes his head - "First der was Sven with his budgie
jumping, den Ole parrotshooting ... and now Lars is hengliding...

Now you know about Scandahoovians.
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

sejintenej
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Thoughts for the minute

Post by sejintenej » Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:14 pm

A Large group of people is called a “No Thanks.”

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I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

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To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it. ✧ ✧ ✧

Cop, “Please step out of the car.”

Me, “I’m too drunk, you get in.” ✧ ✧ ✧
...............

When I say “the other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

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When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

sejintenej
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The truth about YOUR poverty - have fun!

Post by sejintenej » Wed Jul 31, 2019 4:04 pm

You have heard, no doubt, that in America the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Interestingly enough, our government's own numbers show that many of the poor actually get richer, and that quite a few of the rich actually get poorer. But for the rich who do actually get richer, and the poor who remain poor ... there's an explanation -- a reason. The rich, you see, keep doing the things that make them rich; while the poor keep doing the things that make them poor.

Speaking of the poor, during your adult life you are going to hear an endless string of politicians bemoaning the plight of the poor in Britain. So, you need to know that under our government's definition of "poor" you can have a £5 million net worth, a £1,300,000 home and a new £90,000 Mercedes, all completely paid for. You can also have a maid, cook, and valet, and £1 million in your current account, and you can still be officially defined by our government as "living in poverty." Now there's something you haven't seen on the evening news.

How does the government pull this one off? Very simple, really. To determine whether or not some poor soul is "living in poverty," the government measures one thing -- just one thing. Income. It doesn't matter one bit how much you have, how much you own, how many cars you drive or how big they are, whether or not your pool is heated, whether you winter in Florida and spend the summers in the Bahamas, or how much is in your savings account. It only matters how much income you claim in that particular year. This means that if you take a one-year leave of absence from your high-paying job and decide to live off the money in your savings and checking accounts while you write the next great novel, the government says you are 'living in poverty."

From the non- university graduation speech by Neal Boortz. Actually the definition seems to go back to the 1960s and has not been updated
"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

sejintenej
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Is it really like that?

Post by sejintenej » Thu Aug 01, 2019 8:40 pm

A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM, after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open-mouthed, listening to the tirade.
“My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f###### mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I’m completely exhausted! I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Can’t you see I’m still in my f##### pajamas? I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the f### did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid a$$hole?”
The husband replied: “Because he’s thinking of getting married.”
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"Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society."

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