Housemistresses

[englishangel]

Blimey Kim, I remember you, tall and leggy and a fantastic athlete, you could even hurdle. I am so sorry Mrs Dean was horrible to you, of course I was seeing her from a Sixth Form perspective so didn't come across that side of her.

[Kim2s70-77]

Nice to be in touch, Mary! My memory is very hazy, but I think you were L VI when I started - with ?Jane Erskine?. I think there were just two of you - and was it Roz somebody in U VI??? I remember Amanda McIlwain and Alison ?Hayden? in 5th form - and Shelagh (?) who had one green eye and one blue. Julia Cleverdon was in 4th form and Veronica Trevor and Jane (?Sutton?), Pervin and Nikki in 3rd. Very hazy about other names. Jo Sidebottom steered me to this site and, after I logged on yesterday - I spent HOURS reading through the threads!! Practically wasted the whole day trapped in adolescence down Memory Lane!!

[Angela Woodford]

There is so much I had forgotten! Who was Mrs Mac and why does that name spring to mind about 2's Housemistresses around 1970 or 1971?? Did no one else experience the abuse and trauma that I suffered at the hands of Mrs Dean?? If I remember correctly, she was only there for a year or so, before the infinitely kinder Mrs Lawrence arrived - but that was at an extremely impressionable point in my life. Mrs Dean singled me out, and I believe one or two others, and set out to destroy any shreds of self esteem we might previously have had. She also decided to make me one of her lackeys and would order me around like a servant. One of her tasks was to fetch and carry stuff from the Buttery for her. I took great delight in spitting into her soup and stirring it with my grubby fingers and watching her eat it. Sadly this was one of the few small and petty triumphs for one who felt so disempowered. That woman was possibly one of the most cruel psychological sadists I have encountered.

Hey, Kim I'm horrified. I'm a year older than Mary, and only remember Fanny as 2's Housemistress. Did DR appoint this monster woman in her last days or was she a Miss Tucker choice? And was she sacked? At least she only tormented you for a year!

I thought that Millie, Housemistress of Junior House 1's, was the last of the truly bitter-and-twisted Housemistresses, although The Hag in 6's was pretty ghastly. I only knew the Hag for a half-year before she left. She never spoke to me, so I personally didn't experience the worst of her.

Did you ever complain at home about Mrs Dean?

I shouldn't think you'd remember me - Munch, the fat V1 Former in 6's?

[englishangel]

Kim your memory serves you well.

Mrs Dean was a DR appointee and had a daughter Lucy in 3's. I didn't realise she was like that, as Kim said, I was in Lower Sioxth when she started.

[chaosriddenyears]

I had a terrible time with Mrs.Deane - I was convinced that she was a reincarnation of Mrs. Reed in Jane Eyre. She really was sadistic and I was also one of those who really suffered under her psychological torment. She was a cruel woman who never should have been in charge of children. She used to make me stand outside the dorm for ages at night after everyone had gone to sleep - the plumbing system made strange noises and I was terrified. What really freaked me out was waking up at night to see her standing next to my bed staring at me. Once she took a dislike to someone she was relentless and there was no rest from her torment - the list of her doings is long. The whole thing ended when my parents stormed up to CH in the middle of the week and told DR they were taking me home immediately. DR managed to talk them round by saying that I would be moved to another house and I was duly moved to 5's. Mrs. Campbell was kind although she had a fierce temper and in fact all the housemistresses were fine after that but I gave them all a pretty wide berth and never felt inclined to have more to do with them than was absolutely necessary.

By the way, it's great to see you on the forum Kim! We started together in 2's if you remember and were with Kate Donovan, Magdalen Mothersole, Carol Breadmore and Susan Reed who left I think after the first year. You really were a superb athlete.

[Kim2s70-77]

Lynn! Of course I remember you!! You know - I never did tell anyone at home about Mrs Dean as we were having a lot of family chaos at the time and I did not want to burden my mother further. I was so mad at you when you moved into 5s!! I always guessed that you too were one of those 'chosen' by Mrs Dean and felt so 'abandoned' by you after you moved, that I don't really remember having much more to do with you over the years. Isn't it funny how those few feet of the Square could make another House almost another country at times!! i remember your phenomenal music and artistic abilities well!! Do you remember the Den we created in the bushes behind the chapel in our first year?? We even tried to come with our own language! What an incredible, awful and wonderful place CH was. I loved it and hated it fiercely!! I was so lost for a long time after I left.

[Jo]

Mrs Deane sounds even worse than Miss Screen. To be fair to Miss S - and I never thought I'd ever find myself defending her - I don't remember that she ever particularly singled out individuals; she was just mad through and through. In fact, in some ways she united people against her.

The extraordinary thing about Mrs Deane though is that she was a mother herself. I thought the mad housemistresses were generally of the bitter and twisted elderly spinster variety. How on earth could Mrs Deane justify her behaviour, knowing that her colleague next door could have behaved similarly to her daughter. How would she have felt about that?

Maybe she was just plain unstable - mental health is, of course, no respecter of marital or maternal status.

I've said it before, but I don't think anyone who hasn't been through it themselves - today's generation of CH boarders, our parents, anyone - can possibly appreciate just how terribly, terribly lonely and abandoned you feel when you're dumped from a loving family into somewhere that no-one, no single person, really cares much about you as an individual. Even though the loving family was still there at home, they might as well have been on another planet because on a daily basis none of us felt nurtured or cherished or special. Except perhaps educationally, but certainly not outside of that. Really, the more I think of it, the more I think it was a terrible thing to do to children. Thank goodness it's different now - but, I suppose, at a (financial) price to parents, given the discussions in other threads.

[Kim2s70-77]

Your statements about no one who wasn't there really understanding what it was like are SO true. I have mentioned in passing to people who are close over the years that I had a sadistic non-academic adult in my school life - but they would never understand the relentless isolation of that. I was 12 - prepubescent and sprouting in height on a daily basis - gangly, with big feet and hands. Also, for those of you who have kindly remembered - a love of sports. Among her tortures, Mrs Dean used to pull me into her office and give me long talks about adolescent changes and how I was 'different' from the other girls, as I was turning into a MAN. She gave me the application forms for the Royal Naval Academy and told me I had to fill them in, because that was where I belonged - not with all these young ladies. This kind of thing happened repeatedly. Obviously, not having started periods or anything that would convince me otherwise, I began to think she must be right. Amazingly - I am heterosexual and am a mother of 5, having birthed 6 kids - and have a relatively normal life!! ( Maybe I had to keep proving to myself that I really am female!!) It was a really cruel thing to do to an impressionable child. I went from being a sunny dispositioned, easygoing child to a morose, plump lump of anger, hurt and bitterness. Now - having raised a slew of kids - I realize some of that comes with the territory, but it was seriously years and years before I became comfortable with myself. I don't think I wore skirts and dresses until into my 30s!! Oh well - karma, eh?? What goes around.......

And, yes, Munch - I do remember you. Dark hair in a page boy style?? I don't remember fat. You write so eloquently and evocatively - I swear it is like Proust's madeleines.

[Jo]

Just to raise the mood a little - someone in my year whom I've met again recently at reunions told me her mother's response when DR wrote and complained that her daughter was becoming moody (I wasn't aware of it at the time as she wasn't in my house, but I gather her mother was a very strong character and quite a force to be reckoned with).

Apparently she wrote back to DR along the lines of "I sent you my happy, clever, carefree daughter. If she has become moody, you need to tell me what you've done to her".

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Apparently she wrote back to DR along the lines of "I sent you my happy, clever, carefree daughter. If she has become moody, you need to tell me what you've done to her".

Oh, well done that mother

Lets hope that DR thought about it, and that things improved for everyone after that.

I had hoped that bullying and sadistic teachers were a thing of the past, but, sadly, both of my children have experienced at least one. Sadly for the teachers, unlike my own parents, I do not respect people purely on the basis of their profession, and went into battle on more than one occasion.

Onewestguncorps states that children's services would close the school down if it were suggested that pupils were to be given no choice of meals as a cost cutting exercise. One wonders what would happen if any of us were to take action against the school for the treatment that we were subjected to. I suspect that our stories wouldn't be believed.

Sorry Jo, I've managed to drag the atmosphere of this thread back down again, but I was so moved by the previous post. On a good day I can feel sympathy for those who had us at their mercy, as they must have been such sad women, but that latest revelation leaves me void of words or sympathy.

xxxx

[fra828]

I had a terrible time with Mrs.Deane - I was convinced that she was a reincarnation of Mrs. Reed in Jane Eyre. She really was sadistic and I was also one of those who really suffered under her psychological torment. She was a cruel woman who never should have been in charge of children. She used to make me stand outside the dorm for ages at night after everyone had gone to sleep - the plumbing system made strange noises and I was terrified. What really freaked me out was waking up at night to see her standing next to my bed staring at me. Once she took a dislike to someone she was relentless and there was no rest from her torment - the list of her doings is long. The whole thing ended when my parents stormed up to CH in the middle of the week and told DR they were taking me home immediately. DR managed to talk them round by saying that I would be moved to another house and I was duly moved to 5's. Mrs. Campbell was kind although she had a fierce temper and in fact all the housemistresses were fine after that but I gave them all a pretty wide berth and never felt inclined to have more to do with them than was absolutely necessary.

Why did DR not look into this situation with Mrs Dean?? What a failing as headmistress.

[Kim2s70-77]

It was a different era!!

[icomefromalanddownunder]

It was a different era!!

Yeah, well, thank goodness for change, but I think that, perhaps it was more than that.

My personal belief is that DR stayed at CH for far too long, leaving Hertford stuck in the 40s, but, more than that, I think that she perhaps lacked confidence in her ability to deal with teenage girls (possibly with good cause), and maybe felt that the older women, particularly those who had children, were more qualified: despite the fact that at least one of them was clearly psychotic.

I don't remember ever having a conversation with her. Being talked at, certainly, and one time that I recall most clearly was when a few of us were sent to her for having thrown indoor fireworks out of 6's upper dorm windows. I think that we had been sitting with our feet on the fire escape (still ladders in those days) landing, but she thought that we had been sitting on the window ledges. With nothing under our feet? Was she quite mad???????????????? I was, and am, terrified of heights, and there is absolutely no way I would have done such a thing, but there was no way she was going to let us explain.

Actually, if I think about this as a rational adult (pushing the limits of my ability when I recall my time at CH lol), she probably did listen, and realise that she had initially misunderstood, but had backed herself into a corner and was only going to come out fighting. She may have been afraid of losing face, but she would have gone up in my estimation if she had just calmed down and listened.

Um, where was I going with this? Oh, yes. Did anyone actually try to tell DR what was going on? Would she have believed it, investigated the situation or done anything to rectify it?

I'm off to bed, and hope that I don't have nightmares of SWSNBN looming over me as I sleep.

I'm tall, and Pot always tried to get me to sit down when she called me into her room for a bo!!icking, but once I realised that she didn't like having to look up at me I would refuse her invitation to sit She would tell me that she understood how hard it was for me to behave well because people thought that I was older than I actually was because of my size, but didn't ever offer any career options.

xxxx

[Barnes Mum]

I've just been browsing through this thread and feel compelled to write. Some of you will know that I'm a matron of one of the girl's houses at CH. I'm so shocked (the word isn't strong enough but no swearing right!) at the way some of your old housemistresses treated you! I can't believe,but don't get me wrong I do, how cruel they were. I assure you it's NOT the same here now. I have a daughter in another House and one that has already been through the school and I like to think that I treat all the girls in my care as I'd like and expect my own daughters to be treated. With care, compassion and kindness - I'm no push over and I'm firm when I need to be, but I think if you nurture mutual respect then the girls are happy and don't tend to push the boundaries so much. I would go absolutely balistic if an adult in a role of authority over any child of mine was obusing that power. I am amazed that the other members of staff at the time didn't know that this was going on and do something about it!

[Katharine]

Barnes Mum, our housemistresses were NOT teachers. I am not really sure how much they had to do with the teaching staff. I think they probably were very definitely second class citizens in the heirarchy of CH Hertford. For six years I suffered with a housemistress known to many as The Hag - Frances was another who suffered with her. My last two terms I had a different woman, but had very little to do with her as I no longer slept in the boarding house and as a Monitress I worked for the Headmistress not the house, so really I just had the one. We never knew why she decided either in favour of someone or against them. Her choices seemed totally irrational. Although I was one she particularly disliked (it was mutual) I did not have it as bad as some others have reported here. There were frequent sadistic little digs such as the day I was about to sit my English Literature O level (my worst subject) she summoned me to her and told me that she had heard a house in the village where we lived had been struck by lightening the previous night causing a large fire, but she did not know whether it was ours or not.