A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

This section was setup in August 2018 in order to move the existing related discussions from other sections into this new section to group them together, and separate from the other CH-related topics.

Moderator: Moderators

User avatar
jtaylor
Forum Administrator
Posts: 1844
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:32 am
Real Name: Julian Taylor
Location: Wantage, OXON
Has thanked: 60 times
Been thanked: 332 times
Contact:

A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by jtaylor » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:41 pm

In the last few days I’ve received a message from one of the victims in the Husband/Dobbie conviction, who was abused by both Husband and Dobbie. She wants to keep her identity private, so has asked that I share the following with the forum, partly to correct a couple of misunderstandings from the press reporting, but also to thank the forum members who’ve posted so many messages of support.

The whole of this post has been reviewed and agreed with her prior to posting - here’s her message to the Forum:
“I wanted to say that I read this forum and I am so grateful for the compassion and support in the posts. I don't want to publish anything myself or use my name because it's safer for me to keep my internet presence to a minimum. I am cautious because the sentencing has yet to happen (Husband will be sentenced Friday 13th, I think at 2pm).

Would you mind passing on my sincere gratitude for everyone who cares enough to follow the case and has posted with such compassion and support?

I’d also like to clear up a couple of things that won't be an issue to publish if you think it's appropriate.
1. The chaplain that I disclosed everything to was NOT Dobbie, but another chaplain at the time in 1992. She did absolutely nothing. In court she came out with some waffle about Dobbie being her superior. Dobbie knew about Husband's abuse all along, there's the "beard rash" comment that keeps being repeated in the press. Husband used to have a beard and after the first full rape it grazed my face. Dobbie came to find me the next day when we were getting ready to march into lunch. He lifted my face with is hand, said "beard rash", laughed and walked away.
2. My mother knew what was going on but it was more important to her that she could brag that her child was at CH than the abuse. She was horribly physically abusive and I knew she wouldn't care anyway. Husband knew about her abuse but he did nothing either, so there really wasn't anywhere to turn to. She has been dead for 20 years.

I really appreciate the posts that say I was courageous to come forward, but the truth is I put it off for two years and tried to get the school to deal with it (it being Dobbie still teaching and Husband having access to children through the rotary club etc). I went back to CH and disclosed absolutely everything about the abuse, including what I knew about Karim abusing other girls, to the school’s Child Protection Officer (or whatever their job title was at the time). Despite my visit and a lot of follow-up emails, chasing them for action, nothing happened. In the end I felt forced to go to the police in case D & H were still abusing children and teenagers.

The whole court case process has taken about 3 years. It had to go through 5 reviews by the CPS, and the police investigation took up time before that as others were coming forward, and I salute their bravery.

With each victim that came forward I was devastated that they had had to endure the abuse, but I did feel less alone. There are others who came forward but weren't formally part of the court case, in particular the 17 year old girl that had a "consenting" relationship with Husband; her evidence was critical too, and I thank her and I know that having the horrors of the past dragged up and gone through in such detail in the police interviews, and then the press, is hugely painful. She is truly courageous. Also, the witnesses that took the time to talk to the police and then attend court to give evidence. Without them the case would have been lost and I am so grateful to them.

The case has cost me everything. I already had anorexia but it was under control, and I had a great job in the City; but the police evidentiary interviews forced me to go through all of the abuse in such detail for hours and hours. In the end I had 5 different interviews, each lasting several hours. Between dragging up the abuse at home, and the abuse at school, my mental health went into a fast and deep downward spiral. I spent 13 months in an eating disorders unit of a mental hospital, put weight on and managed to keep it on for the trial. As I was a contractor in the City I had no sick pay or insurance, so my savings were rapidly depleted and I lost my house, my ability to work, my pets, my credit rating (which had been perfect since I was 18) was suddenly very poor, which will impact my ability to go back to work; and ultimately I lost my liberty as I was told that if I didn't submit to treatment for anorexia and the flashbacks and nightmares and feeling so dirty and degraded (which I am told is "complex PTSD" ) then I would be sectioned. So I submitted and they definitely saved my life.

The above explains why I thought it wasn't worth coming forward to lose so much. I didn't feel brave or strong about it at all - I thought it was a huge mistake, and I longed to stop the process - but once I had committed I felt obligated to take it through to the bitter end.

Every other victim who came forward strengthened my resolve to keep fighting - And we won!

I was not at all prepared for success - I was expecting “not guilty” verdicts, because nobody listened or cared before. The jury took such a long time and the wait was torture, but they were a very thoughtful jury who took their role extremely seriously, and as well as having to consider 21 counts there were some complex legal arguments and wording that they had to get their heads around.

I am unbelievably glad that this part is over; though there will be other fights in the future. To be listened to and vindicated and validated at last is overwhelming, and it hasn't really sunk in yet. I am sorry that I did not come forward earlier, but I didn't expect anyone to listen or care.

The Savile case and everything that came after that, with the press saying that the abuse was wrong and shouldn't have happened and the victims weren't the guilty ones gave me the strength to try and disclose my own abuse. The police were consistently supportive and compassionate and finally people in the jury, the press, and the CH Forum have said that the defendants are the guilty ones, and I didn't deserve the abuse and it was wrong. It's going to take a while for that to sink in too. So now I have to start putting the shattered pieces of my life back together.

Please feel free to edit this and just publish the highlights or if you thank it's best don't publish at all - but please do send my sincere gratitude for the compassion and support in the posts. It is truly moving and humbling and psychologically hugely helpful.

Thank you for getting to the end of this post, and for the website and forum.”
These users thanked the author jtaylor for the post (total 7):
Mid A 15 (Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:00 pm) • Janey Jam-Jar (Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:12 pm) • Ever Bluer (Mon Jul 09, 2018 10:35 pm) • LHA (Mon Jul 09, 2018 11:16 pm) • postwarblue (Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:40 pm) • sgoodwin (Wed Jul 18, 2018 8:52 am) • Gingerbeard17 (Tue Aug 21, 2018 9:38 am)
Rating: 41.18%
Julian Taylor-Gadd
Leigh Hunt 1985-1992
Image
Founder of The Unofficial CH Forum
http://www.grovegeeks.co.uk - IT Support and website design for home, small businesses and charities.

richardb
Forum Moderator
Posts: 862
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 2:23 pm
Real Name: Richard Bloomfield
Location: Tyne and Wear
Has thanked: 528 times
Been thanked: 442 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by richardb » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:51 pm

Deserves our respect and support.

User avatar
Mid A 15
Button Grecian
Posts: 3115
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 1:38 pm
Real Name: Claude Rains
Location: The Patio Of England (Kent)
Has thanked: 127 times
Been thanked: 94 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by Mid A 15 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:57 pm

Thank you for posting this Julian.

Given the financial nature of some of the content perhaps The Benevolent Society of Blues can assist if it is not already?

I cannot think of a more deserving person myself.

http://www.bluessupportingblues.com/
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72

User avatar
jtaylor
Forum Administrator
Posts: 1844
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:32 am
Real Name: Julian Taylor
Location: Wantage, OXON
Has thanked: 60 times
Been thanked: 332 times
Contact:

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by jtaylor » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:59 pm

I have already made initial contact with the BSB (with her permission) - hopefully there’ll be some way they can help, and i think all old Blues would be in full support of doing whatever we can to help.
These users thanked the author jtaylor for the post (total 3):
Ever Bluer (Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:36 am) • Mid A 15 (Fri Jul 13, 2018 11:56 am) • sgoodwin (Wed Jul 18, 2018 8:53 am)
Rating: 17.65%
Julian Taylor-Gadd
Leigh Hunt 1985-1992
Image
Founder of The Unofficial CH Forum
http://www.grovegeeks.co.uk - IT Support and website design for home, small businesses and charities.

User avatar
Mid A 15
Button Grecian
Posts: 3115
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 1:38 pm
Real Name: Claude Rains
Location: The Patio Of England (Kent)
Has thanked: 127 times
Been thanked: 94 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by Mid A 15 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:01 pm

jtaylor wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:59 pm
I have already made initial contact with the BSB (with her permission) - hopefully there’ll be some way they can help, and i think all old Blues would be in full support of doing whatever we can to help.
Absolutely right.
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72

DeletedAccount
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by DeletedAccount » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:08 pm

Thank you. Thank you for your incredible bravery and resilience in taking this process forward, despite the immense pain, personal cost and challenges you have faced. Thank you too for your bravery, honesty and immense generosity in writing to this Forum.

You are an enormously brave and courageous person. We all know, and everyone who has followed this appalling case knows, the immeasurable courage that taking this forward has taken. You are an extraordinary person.

What happened was so completely, totally and absolutely wrong. You did nothing to deserve this. Nothing. This should never have happened to you. The same is true for the other victims of the appalling sexual abuse and exploitation that took place at Christ's Hospital (and everywhere else it occurs.)

You are not alone. There are so many people who care so deeply about you. Far more than you will ever know or imagine. And there are many people out there, true experts, who are more than ready to listen or help you in any way they can. This support really can help.

But above all, we are all so deeply, profoundly sorry this happened. It just should never have happened.

Thank you. You are a true and genuine hero. A word that is often used lightly, but in this instance, it could not be more true.

I wish you so much strength.
These users thanked the author DeletedAccount for the post:
Mid A 15 (Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:01 pm)
Rating: 5.88%

Avon
Deputy Grecian
Posts: 334
Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:39 pm
Real Name: Ed Bell
Has thanked: 85 times
Been thanked: 109 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by Avon » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:08 pm

jtaylor wrote:
Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:59 pm
I have already made initial contact with the BSB (with her permission) - hopefully there’ll be some way they can help, and i think all old Blues would be in full support of doing whatever we can to help.
Yep.

yamaha
GE (Great Erasmus)
Posts: 199
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:27 pm
Has thanked: 11 times
Been thanked: 55 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by yamaha » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:29 pm

I agree with everything DickT_PeB has written.

User avatar
J.R.
Forum Moderator
Posts: 15756
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
Real Name: John Rutley
Location: Dorking, Surrey
Has thanked: 380 times
Been thanked: 185 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by J.R. » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:46 pm

I have PM'd Julian about this and the coming days.
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.

DazedandConfused
Deputy Grecian
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2018 7:20 pm
Real Name: J
Has thanked: 97 times
Been thanked: 157 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by DazedandConfused » Sun Jul 08, 2018 7:25 pm

My heart has broken reading your post, I have always considered you brave, but reading the details of what you’ve had to endure, what it has cost you and the tenacity that you had to show in order for action to be taken makes the word seem completely inadequate. I am also humbled by the testimony of the girl (now woman) who had a consensual affair with JAH. She was very kind to me at school and I’ve often wondered about her and her wellbeing over the years as the affair came out so publicly and she faced the anger of many.

My fury at the school has only increased. Unfortunately I am not surprised to hear that the female chaplain took no action, assuming I am right in who she is. There must now be an inquiry into the school’s lack of action, not only at the time but in more recent years.

I would love to see the Old Blues network come together to support you and the other victims, whilst of course preserving your anonymity.
These users thanked the author DazedandConfused for the post:
Mid A 15 (Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:01 pm)
Rating: 5.88%

DeletedAccount
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by DeletedAccount » Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:06 pm

A recent report in the New York Times reported how a number of leading private schools in the US responding to historic sex abuse cases have created funds to support therapy and counselling of those affected.

https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2018/0 ... funds.html

The US legal space is different in many ways, but some of the points raised in the article resonate loudly in the CH case:
  • "I think it's initially hard for administrators and school leaders, especially if the abuse happened decades ago, to register that the trauma is lifelong and the effects are lifelong,"

    "At least a handful of the ... survivors who have used the therapy fund had never sought help before" and "In a number of cases, it was the first time survivors had ever told their family members about the abuse and then sought help..."

    A lawyer involved in the case said "It's clear to me now that [the school] is not just looking at the legal downside. They're looking at, 'What's the right thing to do here?'" ... "I think it makes the school look better, certainly, and reputation is really important for independent schools, but I'd like to think they've learned and they've changed."

richardb
Forum Moderator
Posts: 862
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 2:23 pm
Real Name: Richard Bloomfield
Location: Tyne and Wear
Has thanked: 528 times
Been thanked: 442 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by richardb » Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:06 pm

Never underestimate how hard it is to give evidence in these sorts of cases. The whole of the victim's life is picked over and they are subject to dreadful scrutiny.

You have my utmost admiration.

bakunin
GE (Great Erasmus)
Posts: 132
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:22 am
Real Name: Manch
Location: The westernmost lands
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 81 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by bakunin » Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:21 pm

I salute the bravery and determination of this woman even as my heart fills with sadness and rage that this could happen.

rockfreak
Grecian
Posts: 719
Joined: Sun Apr 06, 2014 8:31 pm
Real Name: David Redshaw
Location: Gravesend, Kent
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 46 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by rockfreak » Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:34 pm

Has any of this stuff appeared in the national press?

richardb
Forum Moderator
Posts: 862
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 2:23 pm
Real Name: Richard Bloomfield
Location: Tyne and Wear
Has thanked: 528 times
Been thanked: 442 times

Re: A post on behalf of one of the Dobbie/Husband victims

Post by richardb » Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:38 pm

Snippets have been reported as news stories from the proceedings.

Post Reply