The whole of this post has been reviewed and agreed with her prior to posting - here’s her message to the Forum:
“I wanted to say that I read this forum and I am so grateful for the compassion and support in the posts. I don't want to publish anything myself or use my name because it's safer for me to keep my internet presence to a minimum. I am cautious because the sentencing has yet to happen (Husband will be sentenced Friday 13th, I think at 2pm).
Would you mind passing on my sincere gratitude for everyone who cares enough to follow the case and has posted with such compassion and support?
I’d also like to clear up a couple of things that won't be an issue to publish if you think it's appropriate.
1. The chaplain that I disclosed everything to was NOT Dobbie, but another chaplain at the time in 1992. She did absolutely nothing. In court she came out with some waffle about Dobbie being her superior. Dobbie knew about Husband's abuse all along, there's the "beard rash" comment that keeps being repeated in the press. Husband used to have a beard and after the first full rape it grazed my face. Dobbie came to find me the next day when we were getting ready to march into lunch. He lifted my face with is hand, said "beard rash", laughed and walked away.
2. My mother knew what was going on but it was more important to her that she could brag that her child was at CH than the abuse. She was horribly physically abusive and I knew she wouldn't care anyway. Husband knew about her abuse but he did nothing either, so there really wasn't anywhere to turn to. She has been dead for 20 years.
I really appreciate the posts that say I was courageous to come forward, but the truth is I put it off for two years and tried to get the school to deal with it (it being Dobbie still teaching and Husband having access to children through the rotary club etc). I went back to CH and disclosed absolutely everything about the abuse, including what I knew about Karim abusing other girls, to the school’s Child Protection Officer (or whatever their job title was at the time). Despite my visit and a lot of follow-up emails, chasing them for action, nothing happened. In the end I felt forced to go to the police in case D & H were still abusing children and teenagers.
The whole court case process has taken about 3 years. It had to go through 5 reviews by the CPS, and the police investigation took up time before that as others were coming forward, and I salute their bravery.
With each victim that came forward I was devastated that they had had to endure the abuse, but I did feel less alone. There are others who came forward but weren't formally part of the court case, in particular the 17 year old girl that had a "consenting" relationship with Husband; her evidence was critical too, and I thank her and I know that having the horrors of the past dragged up and gone through in such detail in the police interviews, and then the press, is hugely painful. She is truly courageous. Also, the witnesses that took the time to talk to the police and then attend court to give evidence. Without them the case would have been lost and I am so grateful to them.
The case has cost me everything. I already had anorexia but it was under control, and I had a great job in the City; but the police evidentiary interviews forced me to go through all of the abuse in such detail for hours and hours. In the end I had 5 different interviews, each lasting several hours. Between dragging up the abuse at home, and the abuse at school, my mental health went into a fast and deep downward spiral. I spent 13 months in an eating disorders unit of a mental hospital, put weight on and managed to keep it on for the trial. As I was a contractor in the City I had no sick pay or insurance, so my savings were rapidly depleted and I lost my house, my ability to work, my pets, my credit rating (which had been perfect since I was 18) was suddenly very poor, which will impact my ability to go back to work; and ultimately I lost my liberty as I was told that if I didn't submit to treatment for anorexia and the flashbacks and nightmares and feeling so dirty and degraded (which I am told is "complex PTSD" ) then I would be sectioned. So I submitted and they definitely saved my life.
The above explains why I thought it wasn't worth coming forward to lose so much. I didn't feel brave or strong about it at all - I thought it was a huge mistake, and I longed to stop the process - but once I had committed I felt obligated to take it through to the bitter end.
Every other victim who came forward strengthened my resolve to keep fighting - And we won!
I was not at all prepared for success - I was expecting “not guilty” verdicts, because nobody listened or cared before. The jury took such a long time and the wait was torture, but they were a very thoughtful jury who took their role extremely seriously, and as well as having to consider 21 counts there were some complex legal arguments and wording that they had to get their heads around.
I am unbelievably glad that this part is over; though there will be other fights in the future. To be listened to and vindicated and validated at last is overwhelming, and it hasn't really sunk in yet. I am sorry that I did not come forward earlier, but I didn't expect anyone to listen or care.
The Savile case and everything that came after that, with the press saying that the abuse was wrong and shouldn't have happened and the victims weren't the guilty ones gave me the strength to try and disclose my own abuse. The police were consistently supportive and compassionate and finally people in the jury, the press, and the CH Forum have said that the defendants are the guilty ones, and I didn't deserve the abuse and it was wrong. It's going to take a while for that to sink in too. So now I have to start putting the shattered pieces of my life back together.
Please feel free to edit this and just publish the highlights or if you thank it's best don't publish at all - but please do send my sincere gratitude for the compassion and support in the posts. It is truly moving and humbling and psychologically hugely helpful.
Thank you for getting to the end of this post, and for the website and forum.”