From the sublime to the ridiculous
Moderator: Moderators
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
PLEASE NOTE THAT MOST OF WHAT IS POSTED ON THIS THREAD BY ME IS TAKEN FROM OTHER SOURCES. i DO NOT CLAIM ANY AUTHORSHIP NOR COPYRIGHT. ON OCCASION I DO TRANSLATE TEXT
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the Greatest political country/cowboy sages the U.S. has ever known. Some of his sayings:
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with
sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the Greatest political country/cowboy sages the U.S. has ever known. Some of his sayings:
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with
sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Politics
I feel this reply to Rockfreak's sensible post in the Politics thread is better here than there.
re advertising
An Australian group used to make fun of the advertisers and post exchanges on the internet - totally hilarious. This is just one example involving Father Brian Potter of The Church of Bread and Wine and REVEREND ODUOBI TOKUNBO. I advise against reading Tokunbo's somewhat "different" letter of thanks from his donations committee consisting of Father Charles Chaplin, Father Chris Mas, Father Chick Inpox, Father Bog Standard and two whose names might offend delicate eyes here. (Take my advice, I don't use it, anyway)
https://www.419eater.com/html/oduobi_tokunbo.htm
Those ones were very very common. However one morning an American walked into the bank with an offer alledgedly involving the P LO (Palestine Liberation Organisation) !!!! That was more serious and was sorted a very long time ago.
re advertising
Even 50% should be pretty good but it all depends on the cost of advertising. At work a lot of very cheap adverts used to cross my desk - probably the odd million or two distributed for maybe a fiver (I don't really know) and I know that one specific advert resulted in a payment of US$ 6,500,000 (that the "buyer" admitted to).
An Australian group used to make fun of the advertisers and post exchanges on the internet - totally hilarious. This is just one example involving Father Brian Potter of The Church of Bread and Wine and REVEREND ODUOBI TOKUNBO. I advise against reading Tokunbo's somewhat "different" letter of thanks from his donations committee consisting of Father Charles Chaplin, Father Chris Mas, Father Chick Inpox, Father Bog Standard and two whose names might offend delicate eyes here. (Take my advice, I don't use it, anyway)
https://www.419eater.com/html/oduobi_tokunbo.htm
Those ones were very very common. However one morning an American walked into the bank with an offer alledgedly involving the P LO (Palestine Liberation Organisation) !!!! That was more serious and was sorted a very long time ago.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
In the John Mason thread Spoonbill wrote:
Injuries were not uncommon but we just had to get through them.
I don't know relative heights but we were all required to climb ropes to the top of the gym, again with a hard floor and no safety harnesses. then there was compulsory racing up and down the bench seats at the end of the gym - and there were cases of mising the footing. Danger? so what they seemed to think.And Ian Cook/Edgar Newman (?) taking it in turns to play Cain on alternate nights and climbing up a rope almost to the ceiling of the auditorium, spotlit, then swivelling around in the air like trapeze artistes. I've a sneaking feeling there may have been no Risk Assessment and there was definitely no protective clothing or safety net. Weren't the 1970s great? I'm proud to have survived them.
Injuries were not uncommon but we just had to get through them.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
And don't forget 'British Bulldog' which I don't recall at CH, but certainly was part of gym training as a Cadet and onwards in the police in my day. Highly dangerous. Numerous injuries.sejintenej wrote: ↑Sun Oct 20, 2019 7:11 pm In the John Mason thread Spoonbill wrote:I don't know relative heights but we were all required to climb ropes to the top of the gym, again with a hard floor and no safety harnesses. then there was compulsory racing up and down the bench seats at the end of the gym - and there were cases of mising the footing. Danger? so what they seemed to think.And Ian Cook/Edgar Newman (?) taking it in turns to play Cain on alternate nights and climbing up a rope almost to the ceiling of the auditorium, spotlit, then swivelling around in the air like trapeze artistes. I've a sneaking feeling there may have been no Risk Assessment and there was definitely no protective clothing or safety net. Weren't the 1970s great? I'm proud to have survived them.
Injuries were not uncommon but we just had to get through them.
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Steven Hawking Award for Complicated Mathematics
I came across this in an article published by the indubitable Joe J. I should mention that the mentioned Lazeez does exist - he is an exceptional webmaster. As for the mathematical computations referred to, Lazeez's is already far harder than indicated!
Being cynical I googled the World Literature Corporation which led to a course run (it's actually true) by Harvard University.
How I wish CH had introduced us to the list of books they refer to ; then I would have been truly and not semi-educated. Mr Headmaster of CH please note!
Enjoy
Article in the Journal of Mathematics
20/10/2019
Posted at 01:31:12
The Council of Advanced Mathematicians has released the name of the winner of the Steven Hawking Award for Complicated Mathematics. This year, the award goes to The Webmasters at the World Literature Corporation (WLPC) for their convoluted and complicated scoring rubric for stories posted on their websites.
"Competition for the prestigious award was particularly fierce this year," said Council President Archibald Bentham. "It was a close race between the Physics Department of Hamburg University and their Unified Theory of Everything and World Literature Corporation, but two of the judges were able to decipher one line of the Hamburg entry while not a single person could understand anything about the WLPC scoring system.
The presenter at this year's award ceremony, Sir Basil Smythe-Wellington, the Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge University, remarked that 'the complex algorithm continued to baffle some of the greatest minds in mathematics and physics.'
Lazeez, the person who accepted the award for WLPC, noted that, "I am excited to announce that in our tireless effort to further obfuscate the voting procedure we are evaluating a formula that compares the composite scores with the number of left-handed Albanian vegetarians then arbitrarily divides the results by some random number."
Being cynical I googled the World Literature Corporation which led to a course run (it's actually true) by Harvard University.
How I wish CH had introduced us to the list of books they refer to ; then I would have been truly and not semi-educated. Mr Headmaster of CH please note!
Enjoy
Article in the Journal of Mathematics
20/10/2019
Posted at 01:31:12
The Council of Advanced Mathematicians has released the name of the winner of the Steven Hawking Award for Complicated Mathematics. This year, the award goes to The Webmasters at the World Literature Corporation (WLPC) for their convoluted and complicated scoring rubric for stories posted on their websites.
"Competition for the prestigious award was particularly fierce this year," said Council President Archibald Bentham. "It was a close race between the Physics Department of Hamburg University and their Unified Theory of Everything and World Literature Corporation, but two of the judges were able to decipher one line of the Hamburg entry while not a single person could understand anything about the WLPC scoring system.
The presenter at this year's award ceremony, Sir Basil Smythe-Wellington, the Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge University, remarked that 'the complex algorithm continued to baffle some of the greatest minds in mathematics and physics.'
Lazeez, the person who accepted the award for WLPC, noted that, "I am excited to announce that in our tireless effort to further obfuscate the voting procedure we are evaluating a formula that compares the composite scores with the number of left-handed Albanian vegetarians then arbitrarily divides the results by some random number."
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
The importance of walking
When reading think about your Forum signature Unfortunately I don't know the identity of the source
- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing Home at £7000 per month
- My grandpa started walking Five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and We don’t know where the hell he is.
- I like long walks, Especially when they are taken By people who annoy me.
- The only reason I would take up walking Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I have to walk early in the morning, Before my brain figures out what I’m doing...
- I joined a health club last year, Spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
- Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- The advantage of exercising every day Is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, he looks good doesn’t he.’
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, Start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise The last few years, ... Just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much About how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave, I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends But just e-mail it to them.!!!
- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing Home at £7000 per month
- My grandpa started walking Five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and We don’t know where the hell he is.
- I like long walks, Especially when they are taken By people who annoy me.
- The only reason I would take up walking Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I have to walk early in the morning, Before my brain figures out what I’m doing...
- I joined a health club last year, Spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
- Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- The advantage of exercising every day Is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, he looks good doesn’t he.’
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, Start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise The last few years, ... Just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much About how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave, I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends But just e-mail it to them.!!!
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Re: The importance of walking
Priceless David !sejintenej wrote: ↑Thu Oct 31, 2019 8:15 pm When reading think about your Forum signature Unfortunately I don't know the identity of the source
- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing Home at £7000 per month
- My grandpa started walking Five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and We don’t know where the hell he is.
- I like long walks, Especially when they are taken By people who annoy me.
- The only reason I would take up walking Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I have to walk early in the morning, Before my brain figures out what I’m doing...
- I joined a health club last year, Spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
- Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- The advantage of exercising every day Is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, he looks good doesn’t he.’
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, Start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise The last few years, ... Just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much About how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave, I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends But just e-mail it to them.!!!
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
I loved this article in today's Express (found by my wife). It would cost £500,000 to sound Big Ben to celebrate our exit from the EU. Having in mind that a full chime might take one minute that seems a bit stiff to not have workmen in the Tower at 11pm for the minute or so involved.
Though not specifically named in this statement, wording elsewhere in the article suggests that the "former Prime Minister" is Tony Blair.A donor posing as the former Labour prime minister pledged £5 adding: “I’m a secret Brexiteer. I can’t see it quiet anymore. I feel so free that I’ve finally come out of the Brexit closet. “Can only afford a fiver because I don’t get enough money from my speeches, ‘cos after all, they’re utter rubbish.”
Another, posing as the SNP’s Mr Blackford, donated £10 and added: “The Scottish people deserve another once in a lifetime shot at independence.”
A third, posing as Mr Bercow - the only Speaker not to be made a Peer in a hundred years of British politics - donated £5 also, adding: “ORDER! ORDER! The Brexiteers have it, the Brexiteers have it! Bong Big Ben!”
‘Hilary Benn’, another ardent Remainer on the Labour side, also threw in a fiver and said: “I’m a secret Brexiteer, I only said I was a Remainer because I was annoyed with my dad Tony Benn giving me a girls name.”
Another, posing as outgoing Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn also donated a fiver, and said: “Back Brexit! Back Britain! The Greatest country on Earth!”
Related articles
EU to mourn Brexit day by marching Union Jack out of Parliament
It comes amid several petitions doing the rounds online to reverse Mr Bercow’s ban on Big Ben chiming on Brexit Day.
Earlier this year, the shamed former Speaker of the House of Commons rejected a motion for Big Ben to bong at the end of the month.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Global Warming and all that jazz
Any slight change in the weather is being heralded as a symptom of global warming and th?e result of pollution of this type or another. Peeps seem to forget that climate change has been going on since the days before Tyrannosaurus Rex (?sp).
If it gets warm, if it is dry for a week it is the near end of civilisation as we know it.
Here is a challenge;
There are four capital cities in the UK.; Which one saw no rain whatsoever for 200 consecutive days
If it gets warm, if it is dry for a week it is the near end of civilisation as we know it.
Here is a challenge;
There are four capital cities in the UK.; Which one saw no rain whatsoever for 200 consecutive days
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
Edinburgh? Sentinej, are you a climate denier? Obviously the climate has changed many times throughout history but it seems fairly conclusive that human activity is influencing that change right now (IMO).
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
Allegedly Belfast 1777 over 200 continuous days with no rain.. My memories from there in the last century are rain, smog, rain and more rain It's a wonder the Titanic didn't rust to nothing before she was launched
Apparently recent figures for Belfast are 213 days with 1 mm or more of rain per annum and a total average of 33.3 inches, 846cm)
From the same source Edinburgh has an average of 191 days with some rain and a total average of 28 inches (709mm)
As for human activity - very probably but there are also periodic changes - the ice fairs on the Thames in the 1600s followed by warmer times. another cold period ended in the early 1950's. Kent used to be connected to the continent, the remains of human habitation have been found on the Dogger Bank in the North Sea so the sea has been rising for thousands of years. There was a massive event at the start of the last Mayan Long Period - ice sheets currently melting are showing trees with their leaves still intact indicating an extremely sudden icing 2000+ years ago. Chinese history shows the sun not rising for a period and when it came back it rose in the east instead of the west. There have been multiple ice ages in the past so there had to have been multiple warming up periods.
I was one of a group charged with mapping and taking runoff readings from a glacier which appeared on 1903 maps. We never found the glacier and concluded that it had melted. However a new summer glacier has appeared close by since 1961. (We also had an icecap to record - that was melting very fast then but recent aerial photos show it ending where it was in 1961).
With all those background events I don't know how they can say ALL changes are the result of mankind, but definitely some. To put the cat amongst the pigeons, can we blame the doctors and pharmacists? If they were not so successful in keeping people alive then the world's population could be a tiny fraction of today's numbers; with that reduction the impact of mankind would (probably) have been withing the amount nature could cope with
An important question is whether Britain is the worst; what about China and its smogs, the USA with its vehicles, India, the Philipines and Indonesia with their populations (I discount current Australia - yes it's current fires are doubling its pollution but those are out of control despite their efforts)
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Twelve Commandments for Seniors
PLEASE NOTE THAT MOST OF WHAT IS POSTED ON THIS THREAD BY ME IS TAKEN FROM OTHER SOURCES. i DO NOT CLAIM ANY AUTHORSHIP NOR COPYRIGHT. ON OCCASION I DO TRANSLATE TEXT
I do not know the identity of the author of this but it might help even Old Blues in the years to come
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can’t fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, You’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up.
#12 - You still haven’t learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house. My favorite ...
I do not know the identity of the author of this but it might help even Old Blues in the years to come
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can’t fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, You’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up.
#12 - You still haven’t learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house. My favorite ...
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Statistics, statistics and d**n lies
Many years ago Bristol University or hospital did a study based on CH medical records since 1903 or so. The conclusion that I heard was that old blues are expected (on average) to live longer than the UK average. I have to assume that the study was for males only and hopefully the investigators also took into account the then existing steady rise in ages at death.
Has anyone heard of any attempt to check the accuracy of the conclusions?
If no check has been carried out then what was the use of the study in he first place?
Has anyone heard of any attempt to check the accuracy of the conclusions?
If no check has been carried out then what was the use of the study in he first place?
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
It was done just for you
-
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 4095
- Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
- Real Name: David Brown ColA '52-'61
- Location: Essex
Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous
From a COPD newsgroup
Lady from Reading had been to the supermarket and coughed: in her words:
Lady from Reading had been to the supermarket and coughed: in her words:
Yes, one guy asked me if I had been tested yet? I replied yes but apart from worms and fleas the vet found nothing wrong with me.
He asked, I answered
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!