Cows & Milking: Just How Bizarre Was All That?

A Dirty Old Jack · Post by **A Dirty Old Jack** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 10:47 am

Remember all that business of making mooing noises at overweight male pupils, calling them Cows and attempting to milk them (clumsily and doubtless very painfully)? Or just attempting to milk someone, regardless of whether they were overweight or not?

The older I get, the weirder that practice seems (not to say the pervier). Furthermore, I've never encountered anyone else who went to a school where attempts were made to milk one's fellow scholars. Personally I never milked anyone (fat or thin), but I regret that attempts were certainly made to milk me - and very painful it was too.

Does milking still go on at CH? Are large pupils still called Cows and subjected to mooing noises? Were YOU a Cow? Did the mooing and milking leave you mentally scarred for life?

Etcetera.

Great Plum · Post by **Great Plum** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:48 pm

I do remember two particularly er... heavy pupils on the year above me in Maine B and they used to be milked... From what I remember it was more a Peele B tradition - to 'nipple' you... but people from that end of the avenue were wierd anyway!

BTaylor · Post by **BTaylor** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:51 pm

In my day the milking was accompanied by "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILK" said in a scooby-dooesque manner.

marty · Post by **marty** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:17 pm

During my time any fatty would be greeted with the exclamation of "maaaaaaaaa!!!" - a reference I believe to Ma Larkin from The Darling Buds of May. We still had 'milkies' which would involve attempting to 'milk' someone. Another unpleasant form of torture was the 'leechal' (or leechel)? This involved slapping (with a flat palm) someone squarely on their naked back, the objective being to leave your hand print behind. It was so-called because the pain was so excruciating that it felt like a leech. I do remember some hand prints lasting several minutes.

Andy Friend · Post by **Andy Friend** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 4:54 pm

God, I remember both of those now! The other thing that was painful was getting splinters from the dorm floor. Probably not quite as uncomfortable as the guy who put his hand through the lav end window while playing dorm run outs............

Hendrik · Post by **Hendrik** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:01 pm

has milking really been around that long?!
certainly alive and well when i entered in '96

how far back does 'spamming' go then? not as in junk e-mails, slapping people on the forehead

Spoonbill · Post by **Spoonbill** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:55 am

BTaylor wrote:In my day the milking was accompanied by "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILK" said in a scooby-dooesque manner.

An absolutely spot-on description of the vocalisation required. On reading this thread, I found myself having another shot at making the 'Moo-ooo' and 'Milky-moo!' noises (to my consternation) - and yes, Scooby-Dooesque they certainly were. I also found myself making semi-involuntary rubber-sucker noises, which I guess we also used to indulge in. How very mature of us all.

As I remember it, poor old JamesF35 (a user of this site) used to suffer the attentions of the milking fraternity, which must have been very tiresome, especially if he was trying to be taken seriously as an intelligent human being at the time. (I can't help wondering whether richardb ever had a shot at milking him; I have it in my head that they were LHA contemporaries. But I suspect that JamesF35 could easily have looked after himself in a scrap, so maybe attempting to milk him wouldn't have been the brightest of ideas.)

Yes, then: milking was thoroughly weird. Wonder who the deranged pervert that invented it was? Barnes-Wallis, maybe? (He had a very original mind, after all.)

Post by **richardb** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:36 am

Spoonbill - you are absolutely spot on. JamesF35 and I were both in LHA [72-74] and then Mid A [74-78].

To put you out of your misery, the answer is "probably". In those days milking was so widespread and such apparent fun to all us dysfunctional adolescents that most people engaged in it.

What about you ? Did you ever milk anyone ?

Spoonbill · Post by **Spoonbill** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:51 am

How VERY dare you.

Me, attempting to milk a fellow (male) human being? The very thought.

(Mind you, I was so skinny back then that I would probably only have succeeded in popping any blimp I tried to milk.)

Bingo the Poop-Eating Dog · Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:34 am

I was a cow (in CH terminology) and for all my junior years I had to put up with the whole Milky-Moo routine, plus jokes about Milky Bars, Milk Tray, Milk Gums etc. and of course getting my chests groped and squeezed like mad all the time. I just rolled with the punches y'know, but was glad to become a senior because the whole Milky-Moo thing died down then. Can't say I was mentally scarred for life by it all, but one bad memory was having some idiot try to milk me with a pair of pliers once, it was excruciatingly painful.

Mind you, if I was a blubberboy then, you should see me now. I reckon if I went back to an Old Blues' Day, all the old lags would try wrestling me to the floor and hitching me up to a milking machine.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL, I AM A HUMAN BEING.

J.R. · Post by **J.R.** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:00 pm

Spoonbill wrote:How VERY dare you.

Me, attempting to milk a fellow (male) human being? The very thought.

(Mind you, I was so skinny back then that I would probably only have succeeded in popping any blimp I tried to milk.)

You been watching the Catherine Tate show on tele, Spoonbill ??

We think she is absolutely BRILLIANT - Especially her Granny and Grandson sketches !

Hendrik · Post by **Hendrik** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:19 pm

J.R. wrote: You been watching the Catherine Tate show on tele, Spoonbill ??

We think she is absolutely BRILLIANT - Especially her Granny and Grandson sketches !

my fave has got to be the chav girl, so very well done...

"but am i bovvered tho. nah, am not. look at dis face, does it look bovvered to you?"

J.R. · Post by **J.R.** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:34 pm

Hendrik wrote:
J.R. wrote: You been watching the Catherine Tate show on tele, Spoonbill ??

We think she is absolutely BRILLIANT - Especially her Granny and Grandson sketches !
my fave has got to be the chav girl, so very well done...

"but am i bovvered tho. nah, am not. look at dis face, does it look bovvered to you?"

Classic, but I have a feeling she nicked that scenario from Matt Lucas in Little Britain.

The bald queer guy is PRICELESS !

helen · Post by **helen** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:24 pm

How nasty to read about those
Who milked fatties, but then I suppose
The bovine connection
On closer inspection
Was just what a BULLy'd propose.

Spoonbill · Post by **Spoonbill** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:50 am

Okay, I admit to watching Catherine Tate. But I also admit to being appalled by the weakness of her material; seeing all that talent being frittered away on garbage is very depressing. My own fave is the sublime Derek the Closet Gay Man (cruelly under-used, much like Reeves & Mortimer's bizarre Bra Men). Love to see Derek get his own series, but then people'd probably say it took the wee out of middle-aged gays and was therefore non-PC.

Was milking bullying? Erm...Possibly. Being milked with pliers can't have been much of a laugh.

Splinters off the dorm floor? Absolute murder. Those yellow socks just seemed to scoop 'em up, didn't they? Remember 'Chariot Racing'? Someone once got a huge splinter in the butt-ocks as a result and had to go dahn the infirmary. Happy days.