A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his
Cows frozen solid.
As far as the eye can see the cows, are motionless like statues.
It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything
like this would happen.
The realisation of the situation then dawned on him.
With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How
would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage?
He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his
impending poverty.
Just then, an elderly woman walked by, "What's the matter?" asked
the old lady.
The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his
predicament to the woman.
Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the
cows noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon
back to normal and chewing the cud.
One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field
was full of healthy animals.
The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed.
She declined his offer and walked off across the field.
A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the
farmer.
"You know who that was don't you?" asked the passer-by
"No" said the farmer "who?"
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"That was Thora Hird
Jokes, please.....
Moderator: Moderators
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
-
Ajarn Philip
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:30 pm
- Real Name: AP
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
-
Ajarn Philip
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:30 pm
- Real Name: AP
No apologies for two postings in a row, and none for the fact that this is American. I've tried to eliminate the obvious nonsense, but if a bit has slipped through, well, you'll just have to live with it!
Random Useless Facts
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
-------------------------------------------
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
-------------------------------------------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
-------------------------------------------
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
-------------------------------------------
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
(Ed. yes, but there's a lot of icy waste up there in Canada...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
------------------------------------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died later as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
------------------------------------------------------------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them: 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Whet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
(Ed. Now, I thought this might be a bit dubious, but I did think the spelling was right - the following comes from the internet, and is therefore as unreliable as it suggests itself to be, but for what it's worth:
'Wet your whistle' predates 'whet your appetite' by some centuries, and was first recorded in the 1386 Towneley Mysteries:
"Had She oones Wett Hyr Whystyll She couth Syng full clere Hyr pater noster."
Whistle here means throat or voice and the phrase just means 'take a drink'.
You may see it put about that 'wet your whistle' derives from the practice of using a whistle in the taverns of Olde Englande to summon the landlord with more drinks. This is complete tosh. The Internet makes it easy to circulate information; unfortunately it isn't discriminating and stories like that tend to gain a foothold quite quickly. That form of digitally enhanced folk etymology is called netymology. As French wine growers used to say when complaining of inferior wines that were labelled as the prestigious Appelation Controllé - "the paper never refuses the ink". If you would like to dispel some popular fallacies you could try life in the 1500s or the Nonsense Nine. )
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
(Ed. You've seen this before, but it's always worth another look)
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
Random Useless Facts
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
-------------------------------------------
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
-------------------------------------------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
-------------------------------------------
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
-------------------------------------------
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
(Ed. yes, but there's a lot of icy waste up there in Canada...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
------------------------------------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died later as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
------------------------------------------------------------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them: 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Whet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
(Ed. Now, I thought this might be a bit dubious, but I did think the spelling was right - the following comes from the internet, and is therefore as unreliable as it suggests itself to be, but for what it's worth:
'Wet your whistle' predates 'whet your appetite' by some centuries, and was first recorded in the 1386 Towneley Mysteries:
"Had She oones Wett Hyr Whystyll She couth Syng full clere Hyr pater noster."
Whistle here means throat or voice and the phrase just means 'take a drink'.
You may see it put about that 'wet your whistle' derives from the practice of using a whistle in the taverns of Olde Englande to summon the landlord with more drinks. This is complete tosh. The Internet makes it easy to circulate information; unfortunately it isn't discriminating and stories like that tend to gain a foothold quite quickly. That form of digitally enhanced folk etymology is called netymology. As French wine growers used to say when complaining of inferior wines that were labelled as the prestigious Appelation Controllé - "the paper never refuses the ink". If you would like to dispel some popular fallacies you could try life in the 1500s or the Nonsense Nine. )
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
(Ed. You've seen this before, but it's always worth another look)
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
-
Ajarn Philip
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:30 pm
- Real Name: AP
Okay, three in a row...Mid A 15 wrote:Sales of condoms plummeted in France today when the England rugby team proved that to f*** 15 frogs you only need one Johnny......
Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms AND kept the same tagline...
>Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste better
>Tesco Condoms - Every little helps
>Nike Condoms - Just do it
>Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life
>Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk
>KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good
>Minstrels Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
>Safeway condoms - Lightening the load
>Abbey National condoms - Because life is complicated enough
>Halifax Condoms - Always Giving You Extra
>Coca Cola condoms - The real thing
>Ever Ready condoms - Keep going and going
>Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop
>Burger king condoms - Home of the whopper
>Goodyear condoms - For a longer ride go wide
>Muller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain
>Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you
>Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
>Renault condoms - Size really does matter!
>Flash condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work
>Domestos condoms - Gets right under the rim!
>Heineken condoms - Reaches parts that others just cannot reach
>Carlsberg condoms - Probably the best in the world
>Mars condoms - Pleasure you can't measure
>AA Condoms - For the 4th emergency service
>Pepperami condoms - It's a bit of an animal
>Polo condoms - The one with the hole! (VERY poor seller!)
>L'Oreal condoms - Because you're worth it!
>Mr Muscle condoms - Love the jobs you hate!
-
J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
A coach driver was taking a group of seniors on a day tour of the coast. Ten minutes after the trip started a little old dear tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a handful of nuts.
"Ta very much", says the driver.
Ten minutes later the old lady is back with another handful.
The pattern repeats a few more times until the driver says,
"That's enough thanks love, I can't eat any more. You and your friends can eat the rest."
"We can't eat them", says the old lady. "We've all got dentures or no teeth."
"If you can't eat them, then why do you buy them?", exclaimed the driver.
"Because we all love the chocolate coating."
"Ta very much", says the driver.
Ten minutes later the old lady is back with another handful.
The pattern repeats a few more times until the driver says,
"That's enough thanks love, I can't eat any more. You and your friends can eat the rest."
"We can't eat them", says the old lady. "We've all got dentures or no teeth."
"If you can't eat them, then why do you buy them?", exclaimed the driver.
"Because we all love the chocolate coating."
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Bed sheets
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the so iled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the poop out of a ghost."
HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the so iled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the poop out of a ghost."
HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
SUPERMARKET SURROUND SOUND & AROMA
The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to
keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of
thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness
the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the
smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to
keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of
thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness
the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the
smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"
-
J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Bono, the lead singer of the band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from the front of the crowd, pierces the quiet.....
'Well, foockin stop doin it then !'
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from the front of the crowd, pierces the quiet.....
'Well, foockin stop doin it then !'
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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John Knight
- Deputy Grecian
- Posts: 314
- Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:19 am
- Location: Surrey
New exercise Routine
You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. However It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
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Okay, that's enough for the first day. Great job.
Now you can have a Beer to help you recover.
You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. However It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
SCROLL DOWN ...
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Okay, that's enough for the first day. Great job.
Now you can have a Beer to help you recover.
Prep B 49 / Barnes B 39 - 1946-1952
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J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Girls Night Out !
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights out have got to stop !
I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties !!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you !"
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights out have got to stop !
I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties !!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you !"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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Ajarn Philip
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:30 pm
- Real Name: AP
-
jhopgood
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1884
- Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 6:26 pm
- Real Name: John Hopgood
- Location: Benimeli, Alicante
Not a joke but this reminds me of a Hash I was on just outside Madrid. The hare had decided that to make it more interesting he would turn it in to a type of treasure hunt so that as we ran, there would be various checks, where we would be required to answer questions. We were given clip boards and ball point pens to write the answers, and because were were running and likely to sweat, he put a clear plastic cover over the paper.Ajarn Philip wrote:Ireland's worst ever plane disaster occurred today, when a 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish rescue workers have so far recovered 328 bodies.
Digging continues.
One of the questions was similar to the joke above, but the question was, where did they bury the survivors?
When we got back, one of the first back was a retired RSM from the PT Corp.
When asked why he had answered none of the questions, he replied that he couldn't get the pen to write on the plastic!
He was then shown how to raise the plastic so that he could write on the paper.
Barnes B 25 (59 - 66)
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
I may have posted this before but here goes:
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3 The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. You're not as nice as you used to be and you used to be a real witch
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3 The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. You're not as nice as you used to be and you used to be a real witch
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"
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Ajarn Philip
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:30 pm
- Real Name: AP