Absurd laws...?

[Ajarn Philip]

The poll itself is ridiculous, but the fact that these laws still (apparently) exist is one of the reasons I am delighted to be English. (Note that the murder of a Scotsman in York comes in at a lowly number 10, well below the consumption of mince pies on Christmas Day...)

LONDON (AFP) - Queen Elizabeth II's speech in the parliament Tuesday may have been routine but at least nobody got bored to death. That would have been against the law.

Dying in parliament is an offence and is also by far the most absurd law in Britain, according to a survey of nearly 4,000 people by a television channel showing a legal drama series.

And though the lords were clad in their red and white ermine cloaks and ambassadors from around the world wore colourful national costumes, at least nobody turned up in a suit of armour. Illegal.

Other rules deemed utterly stupid included one that permits a pregnant woman to urinate in a policeman's hat and murdering bow-and-arrow-carrying Scotsmen within the city walls of York, northern England.

A law stating that in Liverpool, only a clerk in a tropical fish store is allowed to be publicly topless, was also ridiculous, said a poll of 3,931 people for UKTV Gold television out Tuesday.

Nearly half of those surveyed admitted to breaking the ban on eating mince pies on Christmas Day, which dates back to the 17th century and was originally designed to outlaw gluttony during the rule of the Puritan Oliver Crowmell.

The laws and other regulations were culled from published research into ancient legislation that has never been repealed although subsequent statutes have rendered them obsolete.

Respondents were given a shortlist and asked to vote.

Most ridiculous British law:

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27 percent)

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down (seven percent)

3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (six percent)

4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day (five percent)

5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter (four percent)

6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (four percent)

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen (3.5 percent)

8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (three percent)

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour (three percent)

10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (two percent)

[Mid A 15]

Can we get Gordon Brown to play Robin Hood in panto this year at the York Hippodrome or whatever it might be called?

[sejintenej]

The poll itself is ridiculous, but the fact that these laws still (apparently) exist is one of the reasons I am delighted to be English. (Note that the murder of a Scotsman in York comes in at a lowly number 10, well below the consumption of mince pies on Christmas Day...)

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour (three percent)

10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (two percent)

It is not only in the law that one finds absurdities but in local byelaws and even court judgements.

In the house of Commons there are lines on the floor just in front of the seats. These are drawn two sword lengths apart and it is forbidden for anyone to cross the line into the centre.

No person may have any place to the side of the sovereign's place (seat) whether the King's Majesty be there personally present or not. Prince Philip has yet to be punished following the Queen's opening of Parliament each year!

Members of both Houses must attend when called - to be absent without reasonable excuse lands them with a fine or other punishment

If a woman's husband is beyond the seas for 3 years or is reputed to be dead or he shall absent himself from her in any place whatsoever and she shall not know where he is then intercourse with another male is not adultery. (Drake's circumnavigation took 2 yrs 9 months)

In 1931 a man sought to have his marriage annulled because over 14 years his wife was unable to consumate the marriage. Although the court beleived his statement the plaint was refused, the judge saying that the man had "more success than he imagines"

Frustrated corgis? "the severest Penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House"

It is illegal to hail a London cab when it is in motion
A cabbie is committing an offence if a passenger dies in his cab because he is not allowed to carry a corpse or a rabid dog.

A cabbie should ask each passenger if he/she is suffering from any notifiable disease and he has the right to carry out a medical examination.
JR - you are NOT a London cabbie!

Under an act in 2001 the police can fine on the spot anyone found drunk in licensed premises - that is how they can make good any shortfall in the books.
Licensees cannot supply either liquor or refreshment to a police constable on duty but constables and superintendants and justices of the peace can enter licensed premises after closing time. Presumably other police ranks go hungry!

Under the Metropolitan Police Act:
children cannot fly kites or play any game to the annoyance of inhabitants. They cannot slide upon ice or snow or let off fireworks, build bonfires, ring doorbells without lawful excuse or extinguish the light of any lamp.

You cannot sue a customs officer without giving one month's prior warning. You must however start any such action within one month of the event. These are separate clauses in the same act and effectively you cannot sue a customs officer.

Clause 64 of some obscure local waterworks bill includes the phrase saying that "the Town Clerk's marriage is hereby dissolved". It was not noticed and the Bill was passed. They haven't worked out if the clause referred only to the then Town Clerk or every succeeding Town Clerk.

Under the Outer Space Act magistrates are given the p[ower toi us e reasonable force to turn back an alien invasion (assuming the aliens don't have a licence to invade)

In Middlesex cyclist must dismount if a horsedrawn vehicle approaches. Otherwise they must politely ask the carriage driver for permission to overtake.

Don't get me started ..................

[Katharine]

I knew you would come in on this, David! You left out the Welsh in Chester one of these oddities fairly close to me.

[sejintenej]

I knew you would come in on this, David! You left out the Welsh in Chester one of these oddities fairly close to me.

It was in the original draft (and the bit about Hereford) but I thought I had already posted those ones. If you insist .......

Of course lawmakers themselves can come up with some interesting thoughts:
Jimmy Carter (yes, the American President) in an acceptance speech for the presidential canditure spoke of the great American presidents. He singled one man out for special mention: Hubert Horatio Hornblower!

David Brown
Col A 1952 - 1961
"Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote" - US President Grover Cleveland
´´'´´´

[J.R.]

I absolutely love these.

I'm going to trawl the net and see if I can find any more !

[J.R.]

I DON'T BELIEVE IT ! Jan has JUST received these a friend in the U.S. !

(I hope they don't offend !)

Weird U.S. Sex Laws

If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.

Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to an Illinois state law.

A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.

In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds.

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (including the wedding night)

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.

In Ames, Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.

In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude.

A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weighs more than three pounds, two ounces.

Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

[marty]

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

Must have a low birth rate in Nevada....

[blondie95]

I DON'T BELIEVE IT !

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Just where and how would they get the permit?

Second sales of the karma sutra must be low

[sejintenej]

I DON'T BELIEVE IT !

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Just where and how would they get the permit?

Second sales of the karma sutra must be low

After the coup, the Generals in Greece also made it illegal to use anything other than the missionary position.
I didn't hear of any foreign tourists being imprisoned because they didn't know the law (but no doubt the Generals would have witheld any news about that).

The fireworks going off outside remind me that any child going about asking for a "penny for the guy" MUST have written authorisation from the Chief Constable of the County. There is no reference (that I know of) to Trick or Treat at Halloween.

JR - how many kids did you arrest for not having authorisation and if none, why did you ignore the law?

[J.R.]

I DON'T BELIEVE IT !

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Just where and how would they get the permit?

Second sales of the karma sutra must be low

After the coup, the Generals in Greece also made it illegal to use anything other than the missionary position.
I didn't hear of any foreign tourists being imprisoned because they didn't know the law (but no doubt the Generals would have witheld any news about that).

The fireworks going off outside remind me that any child going about asking for a "penny for the guy" MUST have written authorisation from the Chief Constable of the County. There is no reference (that I know of) to Trick or Treat at Halloween.

JR - how many kids did you arrest for not having authorisation and if none, why did you ignore the law?

Can't say I was aware of that one !

[sejintenej]

JR - how many kids did you arrest for not having authorisation and if none, why did you ignore the law[/b][/color]?

Can't say I was aware of that one !

Ok, so under the Malicious Damage Act of 1861 it is illegal to unlawfully and maliciously destroy or damage any book, manuscript, picture ...... (presumably including the most pornographic ones) ..... kept for the purpose of Art, science or literature or as repository .... at any time open for the admission of the public .... (ie. anything printed!!!) and the punishment is 6 months imprisonment with nor without hard labour and for a male under 16 years with or without whipping.

This is current - Joe Orton got 6 months goal in 1962 under this act.

Rather relevant: a copy of every book published or sold in the UK must be delivered to the British Library and the British Library near Wetherby has just been having a fine time destroying many of the books delivered there. Just across the road from the British Library is a prison - mighty convenient.

When I see such sentences I do have to wonder about the hard labour bit - I thought that normally took 9 months to organise.


We should bear in mind that not quite everything old is totally absurd (not even me or .....) . If you want to get married then a notice (called banns) is posted for three weeks (from memory) in the churches of the parties (or more recently the Registry Office. The relative law was originally passed over 1100 years ago. In the 1100's the then king issued a licence for the formation of a company in Aberdeen; it still exists with its original purpose - the Aberdeen Docks and Harbour Board. (In Japan there is an inn which was opened in the 800's AD and is still operating inn its original location.)

[J.R.]

JR - how many kids did you arrest for not having authorisation and if none, why did you ignore the law?

Can't say I was aware of that one !

Ok, so under the Malicious Damage Act of 1861 it is illegal to unlawfully and maliciously destroy or damage any book, manuscript, picture ...... (presumably including the most pornographic ones) ..... kept for the purpose of Art, science or literature or as repository .... at any time open for the admission of the public .... (ie. anything printed!!!) and the punishment is 6 months imprisonment with nor without hard labour and for a male under 16 years with or without whipping.

This is current - Joe Orton got 6 months goal in 1962 under this act.

Rather relevant: a copy of every book published or sold in the UK must be delivered to the British Library and the British Library near Wetherby has just been having a fine time destroying many of the books delivered there. Just across the road from the British Library is a prison - mighty convenient.

When I see such sentences I do have to wonder about the hard labour bit - I thought that normally took 9 months to organise.


We should bear in mind that not quite everything old is totally absurd (not even me or .....) . If you want to get married then a notice (called banns) is posted for three weeks (from memory) in the churches of the parties (or more recently the Registry Office. The relative law was originally passed over 1100 years ago. In the 1100's the then king issued a licence for the formation of a company in Aberdeen; it still exists with its original purpose - the Aberdeen Docks and Harbour Board. (In Japan there is an inn which was opened in the 800's AD and is still operating inn its original location.)

In which league was he a keeper, David ?

[sejintenej]

This is current - Joe Orton got 6 months goal in 1962 under this act.

In which league was he a keeper, David ?

Writers? Writters? Critters? Don't send me down that road


AFAIR that is an old alternative spelling for Clink etc.

[englishangel]

Gaol = jail