Housemistresses

[Jo]

Barnes Mum, our housemistresses were NOT teachers. I am not really sure how much they had to do with the teaching staff. I think they probably were very definitely second class citizens in the heirarchy of CH Hertford. For six years I suffered with a housemistress known to many as The Hag - Frances was another who suffered with her. My last two terms I had a different woman, but had very little to do with her as I no longer slept in the boarding house and as a Monitress I worked for the Headmistress not the house, so really I just had the one. We never knew why she decided either in favour of someone or against them. Her choices seemed totally irrational. Although I was one she particularly disliked (it was mutual) I did not have it as bad as some others have reported here. There were frequent sadistic little digs such as the day I was about to sit my English Literature O level (my worst subject) she summoned me to her and told me that she had heard a house in the village where we lived had been struck by lightening the previous night causing a large fire, but she did not know whether it was ours or not.

And I still believe this was a large part of the problem. Maybe I'm being unrealistic - I said before that instability is no respecter of marital or maternal status, and it's certainly no respecter of intellect either. But I think our housemistresses probably did feel like second class citizens - their accommodation was crap, and probably their pay too. If they'd felt more fulfilled themselves, they might have treated us more kindly. I don't really remember having a problem with any of the teaching staff - of course there were good and bad teachers, as well as kind and unkind teachers. But I don't remember any psychos. And in any case, you can tolerate a couple of 40 minute lessons a week from a nutter if you can at least escape from it the rest of the time.

The problem with the boarding houses was that they were our "families" (hahahahaha) and there really was no escape if you were unhappy in your house - except in extreme circumstances such as Lynn's, where she was moved. And it was even worse if you'd had a bad day in lessons, because you weren't going home to a sympathetic family. Sure, we all sympathised and consoled each other, but with 37 girls in a house it was quite hard to feel anyone was really listening and could help if things were bad. It could be very hard at times.

[Fjgrogan]

Kate, were you aware of the depth of my problems with Miss Jenkins at the time, or have you just picked it up from this forum. You see I don't remember any sense of 'solidarity' - ie we were all so engrossed in handling our own particular difficulties that we didn't seem to make any attempt to support each other. Is this just a case of remembering the negative and blotting out the positive (a frequent symptom of depression)? I have frequently wondered since whether it was just all in my own head - or at least whether my memory was exaggerating what had really happened, because in retrospect it often doesn't seem possible that it could really have been so awful and apparently nobody else was aware of it. Does that make any sense? Why did we never stick up for each other? The strange thing is that I do not remember Miss Jenkins ever being known as the Hag, and I have never thought of her as such. However, I do still think of her as the woman who ruined my life - sad really!

[Kim2s70-77]

In talking about bad experiences with Mrs Dean, I really don't want to imply that CH life in general was terrible. For the most part, I am pretty resilient and did have a lot of fun over the years there. It was a different era, in that I think children today might have other agencies (in addition to families) monitoring things. I think I would have had a call from the school counselor if my children had suddenly come bottom of the class in everything (which is what happened in my 2nd form year)and someone would have questioned the sudden change in behaviour, demeanour and activities. I went to boarding school in the first place to get me out of some troubling family issues, so my family was less available for rescue than they might have been.
I agree that DR used to back herself into a corner at times. Does anyone remember the day the whole school was assembled in the Hall for that end of term ceremony where everyone's grades and class position was read out (what was that called??) and there was no sign of DR. When she finally strode onto the stage, she called out imperiously "I am prompt - YOU are early!!". I guess the entire teaching staff and pupils conspired to be early!! Do you also remember the instructions not to put our heads back against the seats on the train (for fear of lice) and never to sit on a gentleman's lap without 3 sheets of newspaper between you (that one always baffled me!). Can't say those have been particularly useful tips over the years - but I sure didn't forget them!!
I was TERRIFIED of D.R. For some reason, at a later date - after she left - I ended up going to stay with her at her home in East Sussex. I have no idea to this day why - or what led to the invitation. I was there with Magdalen Mothersole and at least one other person and I remember next to nothing about the stay, other than we went to a performance of 'Godspell', the musical. The Dot West of that visit was not the Dragon we saw at school!! Maybe it was guilt for the lack of action about sadistic Housemistresses!!
You know - just talking about that woman (Mrs Dean) publically has been incredibly cathartic! Especially with Lynn's validation that I wasn't imagining it. Now all I need to do is talk about the entire term in the 4th form when I was 'sent to Coventry' and had no clue why and I will have exorcised all my old ghosts!! (I came top of everything that time - had nothing else to do but study!!) Well - maybe not ALL of them - there are still those of later years - but i have a lifetime to go!!!

[Katharine]

Frances I knew you weren't one of the favoured, but I don't think we did support each other very much against Miss Jenkins. I have no idea who started calling her The Hag, nor when it started, but it was certainly pretty common.

I was told by one of the teaching staff that they had overruled Miss Jenkins about giving me a BA at Christmas, on the grounds I might need it for Guides if Wendy got one and we were both going for our Queen's Guides then. Later Miss Jenkins stuck to her guns and wouldn't let me be a Mon in the Upper VI so as soon as she left I became a Mon & a Prefect, which was almost unknown. I think it may have been Mrs Johnson the Physics teacher who told me this - I was one of her favourites and she even talked me into applying to Cambridge for Maths with Physics, which wouldn't have been me at all!

[englishangel]

Kim, you have really opened my eyes. I was a very secure confident person with a happy home life and perhaps things went past me. I remember you as a leggy blonde who (as I said) excelled at sports, and to think you turned into a "plump lump". if you had asked me I would have said you had model proportions. I have a sporty daughter now aged 20 (5'10'" and under nine stone) who had no boobs until she was 16 (obviously still of slender proportions), but always told her she was just perfect for who she was.

[chaosriddenyears]

[quote="Kim2s70-77"]Your statements about no one who wasn't there really understanding what it was like are SO true. I have mentioned in passing to people who are close over the years that I had a sadistic non-academic adult in my school life - but they would never understand the relentless isolation of that. I was 12 - prepubescent and sprouting in height on a daily basis - gangly, with big feet and hands. Also, for those of you who have kindly remembered - a love of sports. Among her tortures, Mrs Dean used to pull me into her office and give me long talks about adolescent changes and how I was 'different' from the other girls, as I was turning into a MAN. She gave me the application forms for the Royal Naval Academy and told me I had to fill them in, because that was where I belonged - not with all these young ladies. This kind of thing happened repeatedly. Obviously, not having started periods or anything that would convince me otherwise, I began to think she must be right.

Kim! I was also dragged into her office again and again! It was dreadful, she hated my eyes for some reason. If i looked at her she went beserk because of my "look" and if I looked away she went beserk because I was being rude. She had a heart condition and worked herself up into such a rage each time because of my "look" that she became very breathless and sat down and clutched her chest and said that if she had a heart attack it would be my fault. She also spoke about talking to DR about sending me to a psychiatrist - I was only 11 at the time. My behaviour also changed and I became really quite confused and my marks went down. She had a way of isolating the children she disliked from all the others by giving them endless tasks to do in another room - she often sent me to the cellar to clean all the shoes in the house. This way we hardly got chance to talk to anyone at all because we were either in lessons or doing punishments. The school schedule was planned from the time we got up till the time we went to bed so it was easy enough for a housemistress to use this to torment us if they wanted to. They seemed to have total power in their own house and to have very little to do with the teaching staff at all - after all, whoever saw one of the teachers in one of the houses? Or a housemistress in the school or science block?
I'm so sorry that you or anyone else went through this kind of thing with her - I had hoped that I was at least the only one, and I did manage to escape to 5's. There was definitely something badly wrong with her. She cropped up now and again in my dreams for years after I had left CH.

[Fjgrogan]

Mark reading!

[Kim2s70-77]

That was it - 'Mark Reading'!! Thank you!
Lynn - I had totally forgotten about her heart condition!! Was it you who made the effigy of her with me???? We stuck pins all over it - and a knitting needle through her heart. Some one wrote a note about it and Mrs Dean found the note. She told me that I had CAUSED her heart problem and I TOTALLY BELIEVED IT!! I was Roman Catholic and used to go off to Mass in the town in addition to all the chapel services - I know all about guilt!! I had completely blocked all that out until now, but for years I was UTTERLY convinced that my little old 12 year-old self had had the evil power to damage that woman. I truly believed that I must be very wicked indeed to have been able to channel all that hatred so effectively!! The only other time that I had remembered that incident was towards the end of my marriage, when I was feeling less than charitable towards my husband and was silently wishing unpleasant things on him. He had a serious windsurfing accident and shattered his leg some distance from the shore. The irrational belief that my thoughts had caused this, resurfaced. ( Maybe I just am really, really powerful!! Stay on my good side everybody!! )
Lynn, I am so sorry you had to deal with her. I expect we are better people for surviving her!!
Mary - somewhere I have a photo of the 6th form with Ms Tucker that shows me at my heaviest. The only other time I was that big was when i was expecting twins!!

[chaosriddenyears]

OMIGOD I had forgotten about that effigy! Yes indeed it was me, we share the guilt! Oh dear, it was only a pathetic sign of our powerlessness actually - the way that children try to avenge their hurts when there is no other way open to them.
At least I can giggle about it now - and I do think that I ended up a better person in many ways and am glad to say that my own children are rebellious and strong-willed and are always off protesting for animal rights, human rights and will not tolerate any kind of bullying.
I have 4 kids - two of mine are twins.

[englishangel]

I have three and my two younger ones are twin.

[Kim2s70-77]

Was there something in the water in 2s that led to mass quantities of multiples in later life????? LOL

[J.R.]

Was there something in the water in 2s that led to mass quantities of multiples in later life????? LOL

It's not what's in the WATER that you need to worry about !

[Angela Woodford]

You see I don't remember any sense of 'solidarity' - ie we were all so engrossed in handling our own particular difficulties that we didn't seem to make any attempt to support each other. Is this just a case of remembering the negative and blotting out the positive (a frequent symptom of depression)? I have frequently wondered since whether it was just all in my own head - or at least whether my memory was exaggerating what had really happened, because in retrospect it often doesn't seem possible that it could really have been so awful and apparently nobody else was aware of it. Does that make any sense? Why did we never stick up for each other? ... Miss Jenkins... However, I do still think of her as the woman who ruined my life - sad really!

I agree, Frances. Why didn't we make more effort to support each other?

However, to repeat myself,once in the V1 Form I was determined that none of the 6's juniors should feel bullied or intimidated, and I did look out for them as best I could. They were happy boisterous little girls, of whom I became very fond. I remember that daft controlling phase that Pot went through - not giving out our post after breakfast until various things she wanted done had been accomplished. That didn't last long. But Pot was a dear old thing really.

The women who "ruined my life". Well, definitely The Study when I moved from 1's to 6's. The nonstop insults and punishments they doled out for 1965-6 have stayed with me. DR and her brusque rude opinions that I was dreadful and no good. The three "B" formers with whom I moved up in House until the UV1, when they left; who frequently sent me to Coventry and generally excluded me because I was in the "A" form. And then the loneliness of being the only one in my year in House.

Kim - couldn't you have confided in the older girls? I have been utterly horrified to read the saga of you and that vile Mrs Dean. It would have been Mary V in the Study. She could have intervened when you were being treated with such cruelty? "Turning into a man?" That's wicked. I reckon Mrs Dean deserved that effigy!

Sending you a rather late in the day!

[gma]

Did no one else experience the abuse and trauma that I suffered at the hands of Mrs Dean?? If I remember correctly, she was only there for a year or so, before the infinitely kinder Mrs Lawrence arrived - but that was at an extremely impressionable point in my life. Mrs Dean singled me out, and I believe one or two others, and set out to destroy any shreds of self esteem we might previously have had.

Staggered to see this - oddly enough thought it was only LYnne and I!

For some bizarre reason, clearly best known only to my sub-conscious, I have just read this thread from front to back! So Lynn, so pleased you escaped Mrs D to 5's - I remember you going and I also remember her telling you in the hall outside her office that she was "going to hang round your neck like a millstone....."

I wrote and told my Mum about Mrs Dean and the things she said and did, who bless her did speak to DR who bless her did speak to Mrs D..... ho hum - suffice to say that without 5 brothers (and therefore already been tortured by experts) I'm not sure that I would have survived the subsequent onslaught. (Certainly taught me to grin and bear it henceforth adn take a much more subversive route to market!! A long and painful lesson it most certainly was and I've never been sure if that turned out to be a good thing or a bad thing later in life!) I will never forget being sent up t'inf after having a huge and very scary shouting match with Mrs D in the middle of the night (or it probably seemed like it to me at 12) and pronounced by Mrs D to be 'hysterical' - the nurse was lovely (I think she had a little boy? I can't remember) and made me hot chocolate and put me in a ward "with someone else so I wouldn't feel lonely" and I spent the best part of the rest of the night sobbing my heart out and telling the girl in the other bed all about this bl**dy awful woman and all the horrible things she said and did to everyone, how much I hated her, how much everyone else hated her and how I was either going to kill myself or her.

In the morning when I woke up I was in a dorm with Lucy Dean. Awful, awful, awful. I was absolutely mortified.

I have no idea what anyone was thinking in 2's because when I was young I just couldn't see how everyone else couldn't see what was going on. Mrs Dean was a big part of the reason that I ran away so much, I'm not sure that that night wasn't generated by me being brought back from somewhere into her 'care' but I couldn't believe it when I woke and saw Lucy - she couldn't even look at me and who would blame her? Hideous.

[chaosriddenyears]

That must have been awful! I know DR forbade me to speak to anyone about what had happened with Mrs. Dean and said this was out of consideration to Lucy - it must have been dreadful for the girl.

It wasn't that easy to talk to anyone else about it - for a start, we stood in awe of the older girls. Also, it's not easy to tell someone about something that is so shameful. For Kim to confide to an older girl that she had been told she was turning into a man and for me to say that I was suspected of being mad - "tainted" she called it - is not easy for any child. Children believe that people will believe the adult in the case and they are often enough quite right. People who practise this kind of psychological torment are very gifted in keeping their victims in check.