Anxious parents

[sejintenej]

I'm not talking just academic achievement - I certainly wasn't up there academically, and no school could make me so.
It's the other elements that are more important in my opinion - a rounded education with diverse opportunities to build on interests and talents, without the obsession with purely academic achievement. Also, the genuine ability to mix with all backgrounds, in contrast to the high end public schools who,often, end up looking down on everyone else...
Those are the things I got from CH - in parallel with the good solid education.

I agree with that, Julian; CH these days, and even when you were there, offers far more than academic opportunity. It's almost breathtaking to read about the range of activities CH offers, and the interests it caters for - far more than you could get at the local comprehensive. And it was Barwen, I believe, who deeply regretted depriving his son of the social aspect of CH. It's certainly a unique school - no wonder there's such a fight for places!

As an OB from the 50's I'll go along with those comments. Life in those days of rationing etc. was not easy and CH was not a bed of roses so a few of us point out the negatives.

It is not like that now. A few ideas to mull over:
a) what is the alternative? In some places state schools have an abyssmal reputation and there is always the fear of drugs and alcohol. At least CH tries very hard to control those.
b) what sort of people would your child be mixing with? At CH you can be sure that the majority are turning into highly motivated people who can mix with any strata that they may find themselves in. In the outside world - who knows?
c) CH is not like home. Some of the options can be a bit tough (but still controlled to be safe) and having been through those your child will have no hesitation when faced with uncomfortable situations in later life.
d) does your son have the opportunities locally which exist at CH? I've been involved with two aspects of youth work outside schools - the public one was shocking and not what I would want my children to go through. Unfortunately those involved were a behometh and I couldn't change the thinking.
e) there is a form of discipline which will allow your son to learn how to learn, to understand right and wrong, to control a need to watch TV instead of doing homework ...................

It is not going to be easy for you but be satisfied that your son will benefit and in twenty - thirty years time you will know you made the right choice.

[CHDad]

That was one of the difficulties in making a decsion re CH. We have a local comprehensive with a good reputation, my two older daughters currently attend this school. However I just feel that my son could do so much better at CH and the whole school ethos will suit his character (his primary school teacher agreed with this as she knows CH well). However is it fair for my son to attend CH whilst his sisters go to the local comprehensive ? I don't worry too much about this as I made a particular decision for the girls at the time and they are happy at school. My girls would have absolutely hated the idea of going to a boarding school whereas my son was keen to do it.

The other difficulty which is the same for many parents is that it will be very hard on us financially. My wife and I both work and even though we are not big earners this means that we have to pay close to the full fees. This is going to be tough and involve the whole family in making drastic savings.

However "nothing ventured nothing gained" we have got to take the opportunity of my son going to CH and let him try it all out. If he absoloutely hates it (very unlikely) then I have an open mind and he can leave. If we don't try it we will never know, and that is what is getting us through these difficult weeks at present.

[anniexf]

CHDad, it's clear that the CH assessors believed your son would benefit from CH because they offered him a place; and he, you and his teacher all feel it's a great opportunity for him, well suited to his needs. I think that once the first few difficult weeks away from home are over, you will begin to see clear evidence of the benefit.

Financially it will be hard for your family, but as long as your girls, in particular, appreciate and understand why drastic savings are needed I'm sure they'll want to help. You have said that you're a close family, and this is a big advantage. Other parents here have posted all sorts of money-saving ideas - I think the thread is called "Thrifty Tips".

Finally, don't allow these anxieties to assume too much importance - every little worry gets magnified in inverse proportion to the dwindling number of days before term starts, I can assure you! You are doing the right thing for your DS. Believe it, and be proud!

[dinahcat]

sejintenej says some interesting things but I think does paint a very rosy picture-it is as school after all and full of real pupils.The CH intake is 'comprehensive' and I have to say I have had quite an educational journey myself in terms of what I expected pupils behaviour and attitudes to be like and how it has turned out.It is very tough when things go wrong and you are separated from your child -talking on the phone very briefly-how ever frequently doesn't really match up to talking things over face to face every evening.I would agree with what most people say-you would be a very tough parent if you weren't anxious and a bit fed up about parting with your child but it is true that the vast majority of pupils are happy. I am sure it depends on each child but also on your expectations.When sejintenej syas 'What sort of pupils would your child be mixing with?' there seems to be an implication CH pupils will be better than pupils in state schools. I beg to differ.

[sejintenej]

When sejintenej syas 'What sort of pupils would your child be mixing with?' there seems to be an implication CH pupils will be better than pupils in state schools. I beg to differ.

Note that I posed the question, not stated a fact and not knowing anything about CHDad or his local schools
.
There are good "areas" and some pretty awful ones outside the public school sector. CHDad has since said that his local comprehensive is good - and that was based on his daughters going there. Fine, in his case, but I have come across the other end of the spectrum which was "not nice".
I even, in a different situation, have had a deputy head of a comprehgensive school state that it is not the function of schools to teach simple mathematics but that is the function of employers. That is the sort of school that I wouldn't want CHDad to have children at.
At our local comp the pupils in uniform used to rush out the gate and straight across the main road without looking (and sometimes playing at who will be the last one across). When I complained the headmaster told me that because they are off school premises what they do has got nothing to do with the school and he would do precisely nothing about it. Needless to say pupils were killed by cars not stopping in time. That is the sort of school that I wouldn't want CHDad to have children at.

Those two schools are in what is thought of as an upper middle class area; think about schools in near slum type areas.

[CHDad]

What I said is that our local comprehensive has a good reputation, what I have found though is that they are happy to accept mediocrity. Whilst I don't think children should be pushed too hard I do think that teachers should be able to encourage and educate them to them to achieve at the highest level possible. This is not a criticism of the teachers at our local comprehensive they do well with the wide range of abilities present in their crowded classrooms. The really bright, self motivated children will always rise above this level of mediocrity and achieve at a higher level by their own efforts.

Our son could go to our local comprehensive and excel as he is reasonably bright. However I fear it is more likely that he may settle for the easy life and mediocrity which would be a great shame, he is capable of better. I believe CH will encourage him to excel, which is why we have made the decsion we have.

There you go I am going to bed in a positive frame of mind about CH. I will probably still wake up tomorrow worrying again though ..............!!! Rol lon the 8th of September when I can stop worrying about it and it will be a reality. There will be different worries then but at least we will have embarked on the journey rather than just planning it.

[Mrs C.]

Worry not, CHDad - we`re just one big happy family here ........ well , most of the time!

Your son will no doubt have his ups and downs, but he will make friends from all over the country, from different walks of life, and , hopefully, learn respect for and tolerance of other lifestyles, opinions, cultures, musical tastes etc - sadly lacking in society in general nowadays, IMHO.

Just think - you won`t have to monitor homework, you won`t have to ferry him around to activities or friends` homes..... and when he`s home you`ll be able to share "quality time"... that`s if he`s home long enough and not dashing around the country visiting his CH mates!

And if he comes to tuck shop to introduce himself, I`ll be sure to say hello to him when I see him!!

[J.R.]

Worry not, CHDad - we`re just one big happy family here ........ well , most of the time!

Your son will no doubt have his ups and downs, but he will make friends from all over the country, from different walks of life, and , hopefully, learn respect for and tolerance of other lifestyles, opinions, cultures, musical tastes etc - sadly lacking in society in general nowadays, IMHO.

Just think - you won`t have to monitor homework, you won`t have to ferry him around to activities or friends` homes..... and when he`s home you`ll be able to share "quality time"... that`s if he`s home long enough and not dashing around the country visiting his CH mates!

And if he comes to tuck shop to introduce himself, I`ll be sure to say hello to him when I see him!!

Mrs C gives a LOVELY HELLO !

[Luisa]

I feel exactly the same, CHDad. My son is starting next month and I was really excited at first but now the thought of him leaving home makes me feel sick. Luckily he is looking forward to it! What house will your son be in? Mine is going into Maine A. I would really appreciate contact with other parents as everything is new to me & there is so much to get used to.

[lonelymom]

Even if your sons aren't going to be in the same house, maybe they could get to know each other a little bit by swapping mobile numbers, or facebook or msn details? A friendly face when they start will probably go a long way to helping them both settle in more quickly.

[CHDad]

Luisa
I have sent you a private message. This is a brief reply now but suffice to say that I am much happier than I was a week ago, this forum has been a huge help.

[Eruresto]

As one of the more recent pupils (I left at the end of last year), I'll put my tuppeny in.

The line "CH is unique" gets batted around a lot by all areas: the Headmaster, the teachers, Old Blues, everyone in fact. They'll talk about its history and its traditions and the possibilities that can arise there. All of this is true, but in some ways seems to be addessed more to you as parents than to your DSs/DDs as new pupils.

What I would say to them, and through them to you, is that CH is unique in its character. Each day is not merely another slog, but an adventure to be relished. Even in the most mundane events CH can create a sense of wonder: walking along the Avenue at 7.10 (if you're bright and perky enough to be out that early!) on a November morning, with the mist just starting to fade; the Saturday marching, with the sun shining brightly down and the weekend air among the ranks, still gave me a thrill in my last years.

CH is, fundamentally, a thing of beauty. What it does, and how it does it, is beautiful. If your DS, or for other parents your DD, can each day look at the school, perhaps as they're walking to lessons, or on a Wednesday afternoon sitting on the statue, and get the same buzz that they felt when they first entered the Quad on their Open Day, he or she will make CH their own, and ultimately they will come off better for it.

So to a new pupil I would say: "This is your CH: you have won your place here, and now you are free to make it your own." And to the parents? Well, probably the best thing I can say is, "Remember that Open Day. It's true that an Open Day is CH at its best, but truth be told the attitude of the school is much the same most days. Your child is in the hands of the best there!" (And trust me, they are)

Good luck for hopefully a prosperous and happy 7 years

Josh Bell (2002-9)

[Mrs C.]

that`s lovely Josh! (sniff sniff!!!)

Even after living and working here for 12 years I still get that "buzz" when I watch Lunch Parade, when I walk round the mile and everyone`s in lessons or prep..... Josh is so right!!!

[anniexf]

that`s lovely Josh! (sniff sniff!!!)

Even after living and working here for 12 years I still get that "buzz" when I watch Lunch Parade, when I walk round the mile and everyone`s in lessons or prep..... Josh is so right!!!

Hear, hear - and I've never even seen CH Horsham! Josh, you have a wonderful talent for creative writing ( not that I'm implying anything of the fictional about your post - far from it !!!) and I'm sure you'll have heartened all the nervous parents here. Super post, so evocative - what a lovely start to a Sunday morning!

[jtaylor]

That's a great way to describe it Josh - you capture that atmosphere - you indeed a master at capture feelings in words. Everything you describe to elloquently is so true - that different atmosphere on a Saturday, or that homely feeling getting back to house after a game of rugby and feeling warm again and relaxed with your friends. Even just walking up the back avenue and hanging out on the back railings chatting, or strolling into the music school and finding people practicing, chatting and sharing a passion for music.
Every day is different - and there's just so many opportunities.

To quote Ferris:- "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - and this is particularly true at CH.