Housemistresses

[englishangel]

I do love "there will always be some girls who will be more boy-mad than others.... This may be because of some glandular deficiency, and such girls are not easy to help. One of the V1 form...was given the pill to quieten her down while she was taking her A level examinations". Well done that girl! Perhaps thoughts of contraception had never occured to DR?

I do wonder why she wrote that, I remember her being very against the girls going to Horsham (there was once a suggestion box as to how the school could make/save money and this inevitably came up) so surely she must have realised that the majority of teenage girls are boy-mad. Perhaps some of us were just better at covering it up.

Perhaps the girls who were victimised were those whose parents would not stand up for them, for whatever reason, maybe they were doing the same thing to them at home and the primary school had put them forward for CH to get them away from their home circumstances. I know if I had known about it I would have told my parents and kicked up a stink.

Once aged 8 at primary school I went for the headmaster when he publicly physically punished a 5/6 year-old child for jumping over the garden and knocking over some daffodils. He was a twin and he was punishing the wrong one, but I would have done it for the the right one too. I was all the more indignant because the poor little lad was from a very large poor family, all of whom had learning difficulties from mild to quite severe and there was no way his older sibs or even his parents could stand up for him. I believe my parents went in and complained.

[Katharine]

Perhaps the girls who were victimised were those whose parents would not stand up for them, for whatever reason, maybe they were doing the same thing to them at home and the primary school had put them forward for CH to get them away from their home circumstances. I know if I had known about it I would have told my parents and kicked up a stink.

I am beginning to think that I went through my schooldays in a cloud of unknowing. I have been appalled by some of the things that I have read on these boards. I was not aware of most of them happening. Like Mary, I was fairly well behaved most of the time.

For some reason the Hag took against me - perhaps I had spoken up, I can't remember. Perhaps it started when my Aunt Helen (old 6s) sent a whole crate of grapes from S Africa to me in my first term. In the shopping book that hung outside the hag's office I requested an airmail letter (so I could write a thank you). It was about three weeks before anyone bought one, so I started my letter ... So sorry I could not write earlier, nobody bought me an airletter ... Naturally I had to show the letter before it could be posted, and the Hag absolutely blew up Did I think the whole House revolved around a little junior girl? etc etc I thought she would tear the whole thing up and I would have to wait another three weeks before getting a replacement. The Hag had even beeen given more grapes than any of the individual girls!!

It was the unfairness of the Hag throughout my schooldays that upset me more than anything else. Perhaps I was self-centred and didn't see beyond me, I don't know.

[Angela Woodford]

Katharine, it's stayed in my mind that the Hag informed you that a house - wasn't sure which - in your parents village had been struck by lightening. This was just before you were due to sit an exam. Isn't it just amazing that anyone could be so cruel? And how stupid about the airmail letter. Dreadful woman. What motive could she have had to be vile to you, of all people?

Nobody ever mentions 3s Housemistress Miss Thomson "Lil". She seems to have faded from the collective memory.

Munch

[sejintenej]

Perhaps the girls who were victimised were those whose parents would not stand up for them, for whatever reason, maybe they were doing the same thing to them at home and the primary school had put them forward for CH to get them away from their home circumstances. I know if I had known about it I would have told my parents and kicked up a stink.

Once aged 8 at primary school I went for the headmaster when he publicly physically punished a 5/6 year-old child for jumping over the garden and knocking over some daffodils. He was a twin and he was punishing the wrong one, but I would have done it for the the right one too. I was all the more indignant because the poor little lad was from a very large poor family, all of whom had learning difficulties from mild to quite severe and there was no way his older sibs or even his parents could stand up for him. I believe my parents went in and complained.

For heavens sake, when will you ever learn that many teachers (I have yet to find the exception) are cold blooded sadists.

Some years back my 8 or 9 year old daughter had an injury doing trampolining. In strict accordance with NHS regulations A & E refused point blank to examine her because it was a sports induced injury. The school were informed that under no circumstances was she to do any exercise that involved or might involve a movement of the spine. Therefore the gym master ordered her to practice cartwheels at home.

Have you evcer seen an injured animal drag itself into a space where it is protected on all sides? My daughter gragged herself up the stairs and under her bed. At A & E they decided it was a sports induced injury and despite the fact that she could not move anything below the hips, refused to even examine her. "Takle her away and give her aspirin".

The school: apparently the school secretary decided to ignore the written instructions and didn't inform the sports master. Like it or take her and her siblings away and we will ensure that no other school will accept a trouble maker.

Thank goodness for Dr Scott; my daughter is now reasonably fit and well despite the NHS. OTOH I had exactly the same original injury a year before my daughter and had to pay for treatment; the goivernment's actions resulted in my specialist being bombed out of business.

Think what you like about teachers and schools but keep your kids out of them.....

[Katharine]

For heavens sake, when will you ever learn that many teachers (I have yet to find the exception) are cold blooded sadists.

I think that it is possible for teachers not to be cold blooded sadists. The letters that I have received from my former pupils for many years after I finished teaching them would, I hope, show that I am NOT a sadist.

[kerrensimmonds]

And I know many others who aren't sadists (I work in a Teacher Training University). So that was a bit of a sweeping generalisation....
And having known (and been a bit in awe of..) Katharine at school I would say that 'sadist' is probably the last word to describe her....
The 'problem' at Hertford was the recruitment of NON-TEACHING Housemistresses. They came through 'The Lady' - and were generally women who had fallen on hard times through one way or another and for whom a residential 'House Mistress' job was just the answer. In the main, however, they had no qualifications - particularly in terms of the social care of children.
I think that at Horsham the recruitment of House staff was probably a bit more 'sympathetic' since they were permitted (if they wanted) to bring their partners/children etc. and when they did so, everyone became part of a 'House family'.

[Liz Jay]

I do vaguely remember Lil, and of course our own revered Sixes Special, the nicotine-befuddled Miss Scott-Haughton.

Most of the staff are a bit of a merciful blur.

It struck me at the time that the happiest House by far was always Sevens, with maybe Fours as the runner-up.

There were definitely more miserable places to be than Sixes!

I wonder too what parents could have done to make their daughters' lives more comfortable? Mine seemed pretty unhelpful to me, having a somewhat lackadaisical attitude about the more obscure rules which often left me in the lurch, such as sending me back to school one January with a little grey jumper under my blouse for extra warmth (the offending garment was quickly confiscated following a short lecture on school rules re clothing!!).
I remember my first term not having any tuck or jam, since my father deemed such luxuries were unnecessary.
And didn't I have the wrong Bible or something?? All right for them to say "it'll do" when they were 600 miles away enjoying a splendid new lifestyle in Germany. I found it hard to stay loyal to them under the circumstances!!

My father was in many ways a clone of DR, he believed in spare the rod and spoil the child and as a former POW had learned not to "feel" such things as cold, hunger, loneliness etc. I think he thought I was very weak for wanting to leave CH, for what he could not see was any particular reason, but luckily my mother took my side. She could see how thin, pale and anxious-looking I was becoming.

I can remember lying in bed, heart thumping, as on the other side of the wall they argued for hours about my future. My dear mum did eventually win, but in some ways it was a hollow victory, as my father never let me forget that I had "thrown away" my chances after he, personally, had scrimped and saved to pay for me to go to the best school in the country etc etc and that my poor sisters had "gone without" so that I could have this chance etc etc rant rant rave slight foaming at the mouth....

Sorry have to stop now and drink my glass of therapeutic wine.

Love

[kerrensimmonds]

Hope the wine is a good vintage, Liz, and that you are able to relax into it.
So many of us have similar stories to tell. But who to blame?.... parents. school regime, or simply the era in which we suffered to be children.
Whichever way, I am sorry that your time at CH was blighted somewhat, one way or another. It's cold consolation, I know, to say that with the benefit of hindsight, you were and are not alone. But it's what you have managed to make of things since which marks you out as an individual....
Hang in there!

[englishangel]

We have a lot of teachers in our family and I don't think any of them are sadists.

My husband's twin is probably one of the best teachers in the country, he is not even head of deprtment as he is deemed too good a teacher to take out of the classroom, he also mentors PGCE students in Birmingham.

I don't know if anyone remembers seeing a programme about a young woman with multiple personalities who (among other things) went back to her old school to lay some ghosts. The only person she felt able to meet was her science teacher to whom she gave an enormous hug, that was my bro-in-law.

[icomefromalanddownunder]

For heavens sake, when will you ever learn that many teachers (I have yet to find the exception) are cold blooded sadists.

I think that it is possible for teachers not to be cold blooded sadists. The letters that I have received from my former pupils for many years after I finished teaching them would, I hope, show that I am NOT a sadist.

Sorry David, but your post seriously pi$$ed me off.


There are many excellent and humane teachers. Unfortunately, some I know cannot cope with the education system in South Australia and retrain in order to retain their sanity.

If enough of us stand up and refuse to accept sadistic, unethical, whatever behaviour from professionals then it will eventually stop. As long as people feel that there is nothing to be done, or that all teachers are bullies and all medics are incompetent we will get what we possibly deserve.

Caroline

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Hope the wine is a good vintage, Liz, and that you are able to relax into it.
So many of us have similar stories to tell. But who to blame?.... parents. school regime, or simply the era in which we suffered to be children.
Whichever way, I am sorry that your time at CH was blighted somewhat, one way or another. It's cold consolation, I know, to say that with the benefit of hindsight, you were and are not alone. But it's what you have managed to make of things since which marks you out as an individual....
Hang in there!

Hi Kerren

For my part, it's not so much about apportioning blame, as attempting to understand how and why such things happened.

Best wishes

Caroline

[Katharine]

For my part, it's not so much about apportioning blame, as attempting to understand how and why such things happened.

I agree with Caroline. We all have to move forward and try to ensure that those who come after us have a happier more fulfilled time than we did.

[Liz Jay]

How often do we hear news stories about teachers, priests, and other authority figures having abused the youngsters in their care?
The abuse often does not come to light until many years later, when the perpetrators are aged, feeble, possibly even dead.
Bringing their dark deeds into the Light is not necessarily about "revenge", but more about bringing inner reconciliation to the victims, so that they are able to let go and move on.
Once the victim has reached this stage, then they can feel acceptance, even compassion for their abuser (who frequently was themself a victim of abuse.....) and so the cycle is broken.
The works of John Bradshaw and Pia Mellody have been very helpful to me, and I can recommend both writers, especially the latter.
I consider I got off very lightly compared with many, but very few of us have spent our entire childhood surrounded totally by sane adults and well-adjusted peers, and most of us will have sustained some damage along the way.
But allowing it to blight the whole of our adult lives is a tragic waste, why stay stuck in "victim mode" for ever???

Love

[kerrensimmonds]

Thanks for that Liz. I agree with every word - including thinking that I too had a pretty uneventful childhood and I am glad I was not in 1's.
Next time I speak to the person who was shut in the Maid's Room, I will mention the two writers you have cited. I think she has 'moved on' somewhat, as she was laughing as she related the event to us - but I guessed it was a nervous laugh, to cover up her true feelings.

[J.R.]

On reading through the thread again, it appears to me that teacher cruelty seems to have been far more prevalent at Hertford than at Horsham. We certainly had strict masters in the 60's, but I honestly cannot recall ANY teacher that I would term a sadist or a bully.

John Hop. was there at the same time as me. What are your memories, John ?