Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

Ajarn Philip wrote:Possibly, but you couldn't possibly make me a nervous wreck. And I wouldn't fart at all if I were playing backgommon with you...

Do you promise?

Presumably your friend can't stand geckos, Phil, I loved seeing them again when we were in Sabah.

I was surprised by my immediate reaction to seeing a scorpion in my bathroom first thing in the morning (when we lived in Kuching). I was sitting on the loo stark naked, and suddenly saw this thing looking at me. At first all I could do was pull up my feet and sit looking at it - as if it were a visceral reaction. I then remembered that John was 700 miles away and that I could not really sit there all day! To this day I don't know how I got out of the bathroom and slammed the door on it. When I was dressed, I found a broom, (and some courage!) and went to tackle it - but could not find it! As it was an old colonial house, it wasn't exactly airtight and I just hoped it had found its way out.

By sheer chance, that afternoon, Borneo Pest Control (yes, that was their name!) arrived to spray the garden for mozzies etc. Before signing the form to say they had been there, I asked the foreman what you were supposed to do for scorpions. He looked through his paperwork and came out with the classic line "You are not registered for scorpions". So not only did I have a scorpion on the loose, but it was an unregistered one!

Don't people say that women operate like spiders -networking and spreading out far and wide and men operate in a more linear way? When my children were small and in the way of inventing fantasy worlds ,they had a group of characters who were dominated by a childminding figure called Arachne who was designated to look after a group of fantasy children. It was interesting that they chose a spider as none of them like spiders in reality.Arachne was a sort if Forest Gump character who dispensed a naive kind of justice and wisdom but she was also very keen on disguising the fact that she was a spider.
Do I have years of therapy ahead of me?

dinahcat wrote: Do I have years of therapy ahead of me?

I thought this forum was our therapy

I may have put this one in before.

When I was working as a receptionist at a GP surgery early one morning, the practice nurse ambled past to her room, than 30 seconds later there was a blood-curdling shriek and she shot past at the speed of sound (a sight to behold as she is not a small woman) and out of the door. I caught up with her in the car-park. It turned out there was a spider (an enormous one) lurking in the curtains around the couch. I went to investigate and it was indeed a large spider which I carried out of the back door and deposited in the garden.

About two weeks later she calmly came up to me and said there was a spider in her room again. I again removed it and asked her the difference between this one and the previous one. She said "Two sessions of hypnotherapy"

Further to my Post on a Sudanese Spider ------
We were playing Cards (Don't ask !) in another chap's room, when he stripped off and went for a shower.
He returned, towel over shoulder, went to a drawer, took out his .38 and disappeared again into the bathroom.

BANG !!! --- he returned dragging a headless Cobra, which had come up the drainpipe -- casually called out to his Servant-- "Get rid of that" and returned to his shower !

I should point out that he played Rugby for Cumberland !

I ruined a Night Exercise by lying down under a tree -- on top of a Scorpion, -- which naturally objected, and stung me in the stomach ----( Sudan -- only wearing a shirt---)
I sprang to my feet, shone a torch, and flattened it with my boot.
The Exercise descended into "Son et Lumiere" and I went to Hospital, Rather frightened (Only 20 !) "Will I die ?"
"Rubbish" said the Doc, giving me a shot of Morphine (It felt as if I had a Red-hot needle left in me !)" Only the old people and children die of a sting !"
I was back on Duty in two days !

NEILL THE NOTORIOUS wrote:#
I ruined a Night Exercise by lying down under a tree -- on top of a Scorpion, -- which naturally objected, and stung me in the stomach ----( Sudan -- only wearing a shirt---)#:

My daughter was stung by a scorpion, after leaving her jeans on the floor overnight. I had no idea that we have scorpions in Adelaide, but the hospital assured me that we do, although only very small ones. They told me to give her a pack of frozen peas: that it was going to hurt like hell. Can't have been that bad, as she still leaves her clothes on the floor.

However, she has a photograph of a scorpion that came into the house when she was living in The Northern Territory. Next to the scorpion is a beer can, and it's debateable as to which is larger.

There are scorpions here aplenty, but mostly littl'uns whose sting is pretty much the equivalent of a bee (so I'm told...). The nastiest things I've come across, and one I definitely do not want to see again, is a very large centipede, about 8-9 inches long. That was definitely a case of 'kill first and find out how dangerous after' I'm afraid. Makes me shudder just to think of it, and even now there's a tiny part of my subconcious that keeps half a wary eye open all the time. I remember doing a bit of research at the time (they can be deadly, by the way, to the very young and the very old) and discovered that they have what is called an 'anal leg' - I wonder if that's how Rolf Harris did Jake the Peg?

Flipflops aren't a big problem, as they are easy to check visually (although I got a nasty little ant bite once), but I always check my shoes carefully since I felt something soft and squishy with my toes when I put them on one day last year. Fortunately it was just a toad, but I didn't know that until I'd got my shoe off in record time.

Which reminds of the story about the giant toad in the toilet in Pakistan 20 years ago. I had a nasty case of the runs at the time... Shall we leave that story for another day?

Ajarn Philip wrote: Which reminds of the story about the giant toad in the toilet in Pakistan 20 years ago. I had a nasty case of the runs at the time... Shall we leave that story for another day?

Poor toad (Not that I like toads, or frogs for that matter!)

Squashed a few scorpions in my time and in the "hot" country, always check inside my boots and shoes before putting them on, following the advice of a couple of nurses I stayed with in Highland Guatemala in the early '70's.
One had not checked her shoes one morning and had been bitten on the foot. The village clinic they worked in was deemed unable to cope and so she was rushed to Matzatenango Hospital where she got treatment. I seem to recollect that she said her leg was gradually getting numb before they got to the hospital, and she was more or less unconscious for a day before she started to recover.
Being a nurse, she said nothing about pain, but her story was enough to ensure that I checked boots and shoes where appropriate.
On the matter of insects, the worst I had was on a walk in Guatemala when we got attacked by a swarm of flying insects. They may well have been wasps/bees/hornets or whatever, but we didn't stop to ask. The problem was that not only did they bite, but they got stuck in your hair, and it was pretty difficult to get them out, even when they had been battered to death.

Ajarn Philip wrote: I always check my shoes carefully since I felt something soft and squishy with my toes when I put them on one day last year. Fortunately it was just a toad, but I didn't know that until I'd got my shoe off in record time.

One New Year's Day in the greenhouse it was so cold (literally below freezing point) I picked up my heavy gloves and put them on - big mistake. Half an hour later when I took them off there was a wasp attached to my index finger! Off to A & E but for three days my entire arm and shoulder were very swollen and sore.

Stupidly, two years ago, wearing tee shirt, shorts and trainers I put a rotovator through a large wasp nest by accident. At least 20 got me but fortunately I have to take anti-histamine every day so it was not a hospital matter. Frightening though!

I've never seen a live wild scorpion (we have some native ones in Essex) but I was in a bar in Gibraltar when the sight of a straw-coloured cockroach emptied the bar - they thought it was dangerous.

LonelyMom --- I hope this is not too far but----
I adore Frogs and Toads (BUFO BUFO -- lovely name !) and breed them in mty pond.
Why ? -- a Toad can eat half its own weight in Slugs , per night ! a better deterrent than "Slugdeath" which can kill nice things !
Some of the " Horrible Things " can be quite useful --- even NTN -- ask my Wife !

Hi Neill, I love going with you I agree that frogs and toads are very useful, and we too have a pond in the garden so we've got lots of both, but whilst I appreciate them eating the slugs that are currently eating their way through our runner bean plants, they frighten me I'm beginning to think I should get help for all my phobias

Maybe I should start an Aunty Phil forum?

Dear lonelymom,

The best way to overcome your fears is to face them head on. If you are afraid of frogs, the next time you see one, pick it up and kiss it - you never know what might happen. If you are afraid of drug addicts with knives mugging you in the street, the next time it happens, don't scream, hand over your bag and run, but talk to him calmly. Ask him why he's being so nasty. Then get your can of Mace and spray the so-and-so to boggery!



P.S. To any children reading, the above is an attempt at light-hearted humour and should on no account be tried at home. What you do on the street is entirely up to you, though. Aunty Phil is not a qualified therapist and any advice given should be taken only at the advisee's own risk.

sejintenej wrote:
I've never seen a live wild scorpion (we have some native ones in Essex) but I was in a bar in Gibraltar when the sight of a straw-coloured cockroach emptied the bar - they thought it was dangerous.

There are a few colonies of scorpions in the south-east of England, believed to have migrated over here as the climate warmed.

I know that somewhere there is a disused railway station where the scorpions have taken over the cracks in the crumbling walls. Not of the vicious variety, I'm pleased to say.