Childbirth, enter at your peril.

hoob · Post by **hoob** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:13 pm

My baby daughter makes so much noise that next doors rottweiler phoned up to complain

My baby daughter makes so much noise that big green frogs come out of the drain

My baby daughter makes so much noise that the rats and mice wear headphones

My baby daughter makes so much noise that I can't ask my wife a question, so much noise that

sometime I think of putting the cat on her, in her cot with the teddies.

But the cat is terrified of her.

I have devised a plan - a soundproof room. A telephone to talk to wife and a small lift to receive food.

Thing is it will cost a fortune.

The other thing is, the frogs have gone.

(with apologies to Jackie Kay)

hoob · Post by **hoob** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:15 pm

Oh, by the way...

GOUT

(just because you girlies shouldn't have it all your own way)

Laura M · Post by **Laura M** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 11:36 pm

Would like to point out at this point unless you ask you will very rarely find the average woman will moan about her experience of childbirth, lads on the other hand...............

englishangel · Post by **englishangel** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:29 am

hoob wrote:Oh, by the way...

GOUT

(just because you girlies shouldn't have it all your own way)

who says only men get gout?

about the only thing we don't get is prostate cancer.

Euterpe13 · Post by **Euterpe13** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:48 am

englishangel wrote:
hoob wrote:Oh, by the way...

GOUT

(just because you girlies shouldn't have it all your own way)
who says only men get gout?

about the only thing we don't get is prostate cancer.

aah, but we do get endometriosis, dysmennorhea, AND ...PMS !! ( where is my axe ?)

Katharine · Post by **Katharine** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:21 am

Euterpe13 wrote:aah, but we do get endometriosis, dysmennorhea, AND ...PMS !! ( where is my axe ?)

Here is 'guy with axe'

and if it really grim!!:reaper:

hoob · Post by **hoob** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:16 pm

englishangel wrote:
hoob wrote:Oh, by the way...

GOUT

(just because you girlies shouldn't have it all your own way)
who says only men get gout?

about the only thing we don't get is prostate cancer.

'Twas the only thing I could think of that might come close to describing the pain from a male point of view

englishangel · Post by **englishangel** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:26 pm

hoob wrote:
englishangel wrote:
hoob wrote:Oh, by the way...

GOUT

(just because you girlies shouldn't have it all your own way)
who says only men get gout?

about the only thing we don't get is prostate cancer.
'Twas the only thing I could think of that might come close to describing the pain from a male point of view

YOu jest!!!!!!

The only thing I have experienced that came close was when my back seized up on Christmas Day some years ago. I literally could not move. It did ease up some over the next few weeks, but at times if someone had provided me with a gun I would have blown my brains out form the pain.

Jude · Post by **Jude** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:02 pm

Katharine wrote:
Euterpe13 wrote:aah, but we do get endometriosis, dysmennorhea, AND ...PMS !! ( where is my axe ?)

Here is 'guy with axe'

and if it really grim!!:reaper:

Hoob - unless you want to be hexed I would get out of here for good..... I have endometrriosis, ovarian cysts, fibroids and a set of knockers that would fill a Â½gallon pot per boob, the PMT(S) that I get, along with the period pain is only matched by what I could do to your balls with a garlic press.......

Due to having the endometrosis I can't have a vaginal hysteractomy, and now they say I am prei-menapausal - which adds in MAJOR MOOD swings, SWEATS and odd feelings... and because of the peri-bit they won't consider me for a hysterectomy......

........... and they can't tell me how long I will be peri-menapausal.....

..............or give me anything for the moods, the flushes, or anything

...I'm 42, currently feeling like an ax murderer as I also get my daughter's PMT - so if you fancy a challenging workout with a hormonal female - please come and visit

Otherwise

you just don't have a clue and please JUST ADMIT IT

Laura M · Post by **Laura M** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:09 pm

Think that gets the point across!

Jude · Post by **Jude** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:22 pm

Oh and I forgot -

you get MASSIVE BUNCHES OF GRAPES(known as haemorrhoids)i n your bottom which bleed and hurt during preganacy and caryy on with tyou till you die....

Jude · Post by **Jude** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:26 pm

and you loose your desire for sex for years............

Jude · Post by **Jude** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:27 pm

And you never stop worrying about them even after they have flown the nest and have kids of their own!

You become an emotional wreck everytime your newly passed driving test child gets into your car let alone their own

You think you will stop having sleepless nights now they are grown up, but in fact even after 18 if they still live with you you stay awake until you hear them stagger up the stairs and have to pretend you are asleep

While they are at Uni you feel the need to send red cross food parcels as you KNOW that they won't be eating properly... and they have no money for food as they used it all on alcohol, petrol, and pool

in fact childbirth is just the beginning of a whole load of pain which if every mother passed down to their daughters, the human race would die out in a matter of weeks!

Vonny · Post by **Vonny** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:38 pm

bl**dy hell - don't hold back will you?

Euterpe13 · Post by **Euterpe13** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 7:23 am

But , but Jude - we can also be acquitted for said axe murder on the grounds of PMT/PMS.... which should also be a warning for any lurking males! ( and I understand completely the rant - I have most of the same , including the ruddy grapes, but substitute fibromyalgia/ME for pre-menopause - and still we function..... which weaker sex was that again?)