Jokes, please.....
Moderator: Moderators
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
An elderly couple were attending a Sunday morning church service.
About half way through the sermon, she leans over and says,
" I just had a long silent f@rt. What do you think I should do ?"
He replies.........
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"Put a new battery in your hearing aid !!!!!"
About half way through the sermon, she leans over and says,
" I just had a long silent f@rt. What do you think I should do ?"
He replies.........
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"Put a new battery in your hearing aid !!!!!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
- Great Plum
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 5282
- Joined: Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:59 am
- Real Name: Matt Holdsworth
- Location: Reigate
* New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window
unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger
was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What
did you expect it to contain? Trout?
* New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for
these kids: lucky ********.
* New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If
you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
* New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men
care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
* New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry,
light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge
asshole.
* New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it
doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.
* New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on
crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex
a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember
the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the
idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
* New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had
sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or
just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I
just want to wash my hands.
* New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know
in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.
And I didn't really care in the first place...
unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger
was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What
did you expect it to contain? Trout?
* New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for
these kids: lucky ********.
* New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If
you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
* New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men
care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
* New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry,
light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge
asshole.
* New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it
doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.
* New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on
crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex
a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember
the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the
idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
* New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had
sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or
just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I
just want to wash my hands.
* New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know
in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.
And I didn't really care in the first place...
Maine B - 1992-95 Maine A 1995-99
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Scottish Lonely Hearts - who says romance is dead ?
These are genuine ads from the lonely-hearts columns.
Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08
Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box06/03
Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.
Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41
Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87
Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32
Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45
Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bar-steward (edited)living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27
Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07
Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please ! Box 30/41
Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm
Cullen man, mid twenties, seeks nubile young lady for cooking, cleaning and fornication contract. Must be prepared to be a bidy-in and have a strong knowledge of local dialect. Oh, and big baps ana.
These are genuine ads from the lonely-hearts columns.
Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08
Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box06/03
Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.
Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41
Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87
Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32
Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45
Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bar-steward (edited)living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27
Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07
Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please ! Box 30/41
Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm
Cullen man, mid twenties, seeks nubile young lady for cooking, cleaning and fornication contract. Must be prepared to be a bidy-in and have a strong knowledge of local dialect. Oh, and big baps ana.
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
- englishangel
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- jhopgood
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1886
- Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 6:26 pm
- Real Name: John Hopgood
- Location: Benimeli, Alicante
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
- englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always 'b-negative.'
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A shotgun wedding is always a case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory..., but it folded.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow but Fruit flies like a peach.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man's home is his castle.... in a manor of speaking
Dijon vu is the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A pessimist's blood type is always 'b-negative.'
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A shotgun wedding is always a case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory..., but it folded.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow but Fruit flies like a peach.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man's home is his castle.... in a manor of speaking
Dijon vu is the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
A man goes to the doctors. The doc checks him over, and says "Sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There's nothing I can do for you - just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."
So he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he's never been there before.
He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners - prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house - and wins a grand. The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000.
The bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says "Son - I've never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house and the national grid - I've never met anyone so lucky."
"Lucky ??" he screamed,
"Lucky ? I'll have you know I've got yellow 24."
"Chr1st !" says the bingo caller, " You've won the raffle as well !!!"
So he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he's never been there before.
He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners - prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house - and wins a grand. The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000.
The bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says "Son - I've never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house and the national grid - I've never met anyone so lucky."
"Lucky ??" he screamed,
"Lucky ? I'll have you know I've got yellow 24."
"Chr1st !" says the bingo caller, " You've won the raffle as well !!!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
- cj
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1738
- Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:35 pm
- Real Name: Catherine Standing
- Location: Devon
There was a young man from Belgrave
Who found a dead wh*re in a cave.
He said, "How disgusting!
It only needs dusting.
Just think of the money I'll save!"
(Any votes for 'There was a young man from Nantucket ..' or is it a step too far?)
Who found a dead wh*re in a cave.
He said, "How disgusting!
It only needs dusting.
Just think of the money I'll save!"
(Any votes for 'There was a young man from Nantucket ..' or is it a step too far?)
Catherine Standing (Cooper) 
Canteen Cath 1.12 (1983-85) & Col A 20 (1985-90)
Any idiot can deal with a crisis. It takes a genius to cope with everyday life.

Canteen Cath 1.12 (1983-85) & Col A 20 (1985-90)
Any idiot can deal with a crisis. It takes a genius to cope with everyday life.
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
.... not sure about the accuracy of the facts. However....
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following statistics ?
29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
Which organization is this ?
(Scroll down)
Its the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line !
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following statistics ?
29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
Which organization is this ?
(Scroll down)
Its the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line !
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a Pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but i'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do ?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You sh@g her again !!"
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but i'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do ?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You sh@g her again !!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter,"it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams."Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry,"says St. Peter, "she's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "But I've already got the holes for that."
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter,"it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams."Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry,"says St. Peter, "she's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "But I've already got the holes for that."
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
- J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed !" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist." the doctor ordered.
She did. He twiddled her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk !"
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"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm really glad I came !!!"
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed !" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist." the doctor ordered.
She did. He twiddled her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk !"
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"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm really glad I came !!!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.