Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

lonelymom wrote: I don't like anything smaller than a cat (including guinea pigs, rabbits, fish etc - sorry to those who think they're cute). Actually it's not just that I don't like them, I'm frightened of them (including rabbits - I know, totally irrational!)

It's not so long ago that I was summoned to inspect a slumbering dormouse, which a colleague had accidentally disturbed. Muscardinus avellanarius - oh, it was a dear little creature, its minute paws clasped over its fat tummy and its bushy russet tail wrapped round its neck. Lonelymom, you wouldn't have been scared! It seemed fast asleep, as the team of six professional gardeners and I rushed about guiltily gathering material to reconstruct a dream new-build nest. But was it slumbering so deeply?

What did Lewis Carroll's Dormouse say?

"The Dormouse slowly opened its eyes, "I wasn't asleep" it said in a hoarse feeble voice, "I heard every word you fellows were saying".

I hope it was happy, when it eventually woke up, to find itself in a carefully constructed thoughtfully situated Ideal Bedroom.

I still consider it a horrendous experience - when I had a crawling baby and lived in the end of three small 1906 terrace houses "in need of modernisation" as the tactful surveyor put it - I heard a weird noise under a chair in the front sitting room and peered under. There was an enormous rat - raised hackles! meanly glowing eyes! bared teeth! - hissing at me. It must have come up through the floorboards? I screamed, grabbed the baby and ran. My current husband appeared, with nothing on.

"Under the chair!" I whimpered from a distance. "But don't go too close like that!" See? Even at a moment of extreme peril, I was mindful of his future reproductive capabilities. That rat's teeth were huge.

We crossed on the stairs - the baby and I seeking a place of safety, and my current husband (now in a pair of suitably protective and supportive pants) wielding my precious and expensive wedding-present Sabatier chopping knife and closely followed by the cat. Heroes, the pair of them! The rat was slain as it tried to climb the curtains, hissing and spitting venom to the last!

The corpse was buried at the bottom of the garden, and we told nobody. The Health Visitor went uninformed. The Sabatier knife was interred with its savage victim.

My lovely wedding present! But I'd never have been able to use it again!

May we retunrn to what appears to be a concerted attack on the Male Gender ?

I believe that it is ALSO a biological fact that Females, on approaching "Marriageable Age" develop a third Ear and matching third Eye, both placed, attractively, at the back of the head.

These attributes may be, conveniently, switched to "Rest Mode" at will. Particularly on occasions when --------------------- Oh I won't go on, I can visualise the MOB approaching (Motherly Old Blues ?) :mutley:

NEILL THE NOTORIOUS wrote: I can visualise the MOB approaching (Motherly Old Blues ?)

Struth, Neill, you certainly like to live dangerously...

NEILL THE NOTORIOUS wrote: I believe that it is ALSO a biological fact that Females, on approaching "Marriageable Age" develop a third Ear and matching third Eye, both placed, attractively, at the back of the head.

Yes, Neill, tis true that we NEED to have these extra organs when we fall into marriage. However, it is also true that at the same time the men in our lives seem to lose the use of the aforementioned organs, as in 'no, I didn't hear the doorbell...' and 'no, I didn't see that the toilet roll needed changing...' etc, and of course there is the obvious inability to think, as in 'I didn't think to put my bowl in the dishwasher, that's why I left it on the worktop RIGHT ABOVE the empty dishwasher' and 'I didn't know I was meant to put my dirty washing IN the washbin, just somewhere on the floor NEAR it!'

Is male boneidleness something that develops when he is detangled from his mother's apronstrings?

W-A-R-N-I-N-G !!!!

This thread is in serious danger of being moved to the Hertford forum.

But I don't belong in that thread! Maybe we could have a women-only thread, where we can compare notes on our other halves, maybe even do trades from time to time if we have one we particularly don't want (!) And the men could have their own thread, where they could talk about how wonderful their women are, and how they couldn't live without us (literally!)

Apropos "Mother's Apron Strings" that is where we learn to be useless when Women are around to do the Work.

It is my belief that no New Wife is ever good enough for Mother's son !

And similarly -- no Man is ever good enough for your daughter !

No JR I, also, was never at Hertford ------- But I can Dream !


INCOMING ? :biggun:

NEILL THE NOTORIOUS wrote: It is my belief that no New Wife is ever good enough for Mother's son !

And similarly -- no Man is ever good enough for your daughter !

You are so right, Neill. I

NEILL THE NOTORIOUS wrote:Apropos "Mother's Apron Strings" that is where we learn to be useless when Women are around to do the Work.

It is my belief that no New Wife is ever good enough for Mother's son !

And similarly -- no Man is ever good enough for your daughter !

No JR I, also, was never at Hertford ------- But I can Dream !




INCOMING ? :biggun:

The thing is, NEILL, I just never agree with any of your gender stereotyping experiences.

I think my current husband's many domestic capabilities are splendid. See previous post with account of how he fearlessly slew a savage rat. He's very organised about the house. I'm sure I would have more difficulties with understanding the recycling regulations without him. He makes an excellent cup of tea, and insists on doing his own washing and ironing. Of course, he's a supreme map-reader (Army training...). His mother was always very chilly with him.But now I'm right back with A Scary Creature.

I just love my new son-in-law. He's perfect for Susannah, who being like a lovely delicate exotic lily, is best accompanied and supported by a strong stake. The BB's boyfriend of several years? I like him too - an interesting guy with smashing blue eyes. And Henry's girlfriends have been gorgeous.

There, NEILL, you've succeeded in provoking a reluctant reaction.

Well, I think the fact that I don't iron my hubby's underwear and buy frozen pastry means I will never been good enough for him in my mother-in-laws eyes.

me sighs!

Thought so - there's a thread devoted to mothers-in-law begun by Mary V in March 2007.

Although any reference to my second one (now deceased) in a thread called SPIDERS!!!! is not inappropriate.

What a great suggestion - trading husbands! Going cheap, sixpennorth of Kenneth!!

We found out where the dispossessed frogs went to - into the old (roofless) shed. Today we emptied the shed so they have been dispossessed again, all except for one who got terminally injured - aaagh!Too bad if they move back in during the night -the shed comes down tomorrow.

lonelymom wrote:

But I don't belong in that thread!

Never fear Lonelymum, neither do most of the guys who regularly hijack the threads there.

Dear JR: why bother moving the thread? The theme, or lack of, will continue as though no Moderator energy had been expended.

Just a couple of pre-first coffee of the day musings

xx