DavebytheSea wrote:Sorry to disagree, but .......
Not fear, but respect - they are different.
I remember people laughing at me for reasoning with my obstreporous 3 yr old daughter when clearly the logic of my arguments escaped her. However, the tone of voice did not. She is now 42, and our mutual respect remains. Occasionally, she still seeks my advice (as I occasionally seek hers).
Teaching by example is all important. Our own respect and consideration for others breeds respect and consideration in our children. Conversely the use of force or physical violence teaches that the use of these is legitimate wherever and whenever the logic of our argument is insufficiently persuasive.
As a teacher, I was amazed that some children found me intimidating - I never ever struck a child and rarely lost my cool. I never intended to be intimidating or instil fear, yet clearly (in respect of those who did find me intimidating) I failed in my attempts to always consider the feelings of those in my tutelage.
If I had no disciplinary problems in my classes, I would like to think it was simply that I never anticipated any - if my class discipline was the result of fear, then I taught a poor lesson, indeed.
This is a tricky one these days, Dave.
I teach at university level in Thailand. Respect is pretty much automatic here. When I walk along a corridor, students (in uniform) greet me with a 'wai'. In many (usually first year) classes students stand and say "Good morning, teacher". I have problems with late arrivals, especially for the 8.30 a.m. classes, and occasionally with mobile phones, but I don't have what any teacher at any level in the UK would call 'disciplinary problems'. No student would ever dream of directly contradicting me - hell's teeth, it takes some brave soul 5 minutes to pluck up the courage to tell me that we already covered a page I'm starting on - if I was a Thai teacher they probably wouldn't tell me at all.
There's a happy medium somewhere between the 'respect your elders (regardless of whether they deserve it or not)', which tends to be accompanied by an inability/unwillingness to speak one's mind and find things out for oneself, and the anarchy and violence that reign in an inner-city western school.
I use drama quite a lot in my classes, and I get frustrated by the length of time it takes to get my students to understand that I want them to speak their minds and think for themselves. But I don't have to worry about a knife in my guts, regardless of how bad my lesson may be.
I agree with your principle as a parent, but I assume you aren't a teacher now. I'm not sure it would apply in many schools in the UK today - why would any student of any age be intimidated by any teacher in any way? Contempt is much more likely than fear.
Not a pretty picture, but I'm only talking about 95% of today's classes.
I am not, of course, advocating a return to corporal punishment. But I can't see a solution.