Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

I have just spent a lot of money on a couple of smart outfits that I need for various events in the next few weeks. I feel as guilty as h*ll doing it, thinking I could have made them just as well if I had the time and that it was an awful lot of money. John was with me and egging me on to buy another top to make the outfits more versatile so the money is not a problem. We have budgeted for them.

Is it a CH upbringing that means I find it difficult to spend money on myself? Are others like me?

I think it is partly not wanting to spend on yourself, but also being afraid of buying more than you think you need. That,I think is a hangover from the post-war austerity, championed by that miserable so-and-so Sir Stafford Cripps. Joe and I are gradually trining ourselves to think "s*d it, we want it, we can afford it and we are jolly well going to have it. Force youself girl!

Katharine wrote:Is it a CH upbringing that means I find it difficult to spend money on myself? Are others like me?

I am the same. I very rarely buy myself anything BUT I have actually just bought myself a few tops and some underwear in M & S when they reduced all their stuff to £3 or less! I tend to only buy myself clothes (in particular) when they are in the sales.
I also bought my eldest a party dress for £3 reduced from almost £30! And for my youngest, a Pirates of the Carribbean dressing up outfit for a fiver down from £20 something!

Katharine wrote:I have just spent a lot of money on a couple of smart outfits that I need for various events in the next few weeks. I feel as guilty as h*ll doing it, thinking I could have made them just as well if I had the time and that it was an awful lot of money. John was with me and egging me on to buy another top to make the outfits more versatile so the money is not a problem. We have budgeted for them.

Is it a CH upbringing that means I find it difficult to spend money on myself? Are others like me?

Not just the schooling in my opinion.

Most of us that go or went to CH come from families at the lower end of the income scale for their particular era.

Thrift (when did I last hear, speak or write that word?) is therefore "in the blood".

Mid A 15 wrote:

Katharine wrote:I have just spent a lot of money on a couple of smart outfits that I need for various events in the next few weeks. I feel as guilty as h*ll doing it, thinking I could have made them just as well if I had the time and that it was an awful lot of money. John was with me and egging me on to buy another top to make the outfits more versatile so the money is not a problem. We have budgeted for them.

Is it a CH upbringing that means I find it difficult to spend money on myself? Are others like me?

Not just the schooling in my opinion.

Most of us that go or went to CH come from families at the lower end of the income scale for their particular era.

Thrift (when did I last hear, speak or write that word?) is therefore "in the blood".

Well, sort of....

My late father always said (back in the 50's)

"Always buy the best you can afford!"

I'm still at the lower end of the income scale! But I'd rather spend on the best quality garments I can afford/save for because they'll look better, last longer and give me more pleasure. The clothes I have must last for a long time.

Katharine, the concept of a husband who eggs you on to buy something lovely is almost beyond my comprehension - what a gorgeous man he must be! Enjoy these new clothes!

Love

Munch

Mid A 15 wrote:

Katharine wrote: I feel as guilty as h*ll doing it, thinking I could have made them just as well if I had the time and that it was an awful lot of money.

Is it a CH upbringing that means I find it difficult to spend money on myself? Are others like me?

Not just the schooling in my opinion.

Most of us that go or went to CH come from families at the lower end of the income scale for their particular era.

Thrift (when did I last hear, speak or write that word?) is therefore "in the blood".

As MidA15 writes, in the old days we came from poor families. When I think back, literally barefoot and in ragged in hand-me-downs on the back streets of Belfast. The compulsory termly pocketmeney was a week's wages or more for my mother, the compulsory sports clothing was the first and only new clothes I had had - and that at the age of nine. Of course one is marked for life.
I remember in Prep A we were required to buy sweets with our pocket money. I had never seen sweets in my life so I chose some brightly coloured things which were horrible (I think they must have been liquorice). I sat down and cried at the waste of money.

Most of today's youth doesn't know what it is to be poor. Of course you will feel guilty.

Glad you understand me, while we weren't as poor as some we were definitely poor. I was certainly dressed in hand me downs - apparently once when wearing an outfit previously worn by the Churchwarden's daughter I looked at myself in the mirror and said 'Good Morning Mary Richards'.

Another thing with these particular clothes is that the first few times I will be wearing them it will be as Inner Wheel District Chairman. That Charge I received in the Hertford Chapel when I was 18 told me to uphold the good name etc - now I am aware that I must not let my own IW Club down nor my District. One of the functions is a lunch at the Adelphi where I will be sitting next to the Lord Mayor of Liverpool, I know she has sent for my CV, so I have got hers from the net so I can talk to her.

We're almost straying into "Four Yorkshiremen" territory here!

Seriously, though, 'acceptable' levels of poverty are not the same now as they used to be, as our society has generally become richer.

I remember that my maternal grandmother never had a bathroom in her (rented) house. She had to fill a tin bath with hot water - unacceptable these days!

For at least the first 10 years of my life we lacked 'luxuries' such as a phone, fridge, washing machine etc., but then so did lots of other people.

We never felt 'poor' as such, although life was undoubtedly a bit of a struggle for my mother.

In this day and age, thrift should be encouraged especially as it's beneficial from an environmental/recycling point of view. I very rarely buy our younger daughter new clothes, and always browse the sale and reduced rails and the charity shops in town. The family circulate children's clothes and I am now passing them on to 2 OB friends who have babies. What is wrong with doing this? I don't understand the stigma that some feel is attached to this way of thinking. The children don't know whether it's new or not, and if you as an adult don't tell anyone, who's to know. I would resent spending £50 on, for example, a pair of trainers for a child who will grow out of them in a few months, when they need money for school trips and activities that you could argue are far more beneficial and have a longer shelf life of pleasure and benefit. Families never have enough money for everything, that's just the way it is. My family wasn't poor but we weren't well off, and mum and dad wanted us to have a good education so that was a priority. My mother made all our clothes and we grew all our fruit and veg, and made do and mended. Granny paid for extras, like ballet lessons. And I think back at what a happy time we all had together, not resenting them for not giving in to childish whims. But I, too, feel guilty and sick in my stomach when I spend on non-essentials, especially for myself. But I do think that when you are older and have worked and saved all your life, you have to enjoy the fruits of your labours.

cj wrote:In this day and age, thrift should be encouraged especially as it's beneficial from an environmental/recycling point of view. I very rarely buy our younger daughter new clothes, and always browse the sale and reduced rails and the charity shops in town. The family circulate children's clothes and I am now passing them on to 2 OB friends who have babies. What is wrong with doing this? I don't understand the stigma that some feel is attached to this way of thinking. The children don't know whether it's new or not, and if you as an adult don't tell anyone, who's to know. I would resent spending £50 on, for example, a pair of trainers for a child who will grow out of them in a few months, when they need money for school trips and activities that you could argue are far more beneficial and have a longer shelf life of pleasure and benefit. Families never have enough money for everything, that's just the way it is. My family wasn't poor but we weren't well off, and mum and dad wanted us to have a good education so that was a priority. My mother made all our clothes and we grew all our fruit and veg, and made do and mended. Granny paid for extras, like ballet lessons. And I think back at what a happy time we all had together, not resenting them for not giving in to childish whims. But I, too, feel guilty and sick in my stomach when I spend on non-essentials, especially for myself. But I do think that when you are older and have worked and saved all your life, you have to enjoy the fruits of your labours.

WhilstbI agree with your sentiments many don't. Our local auction house has received an official visit and has been forced to stop auctioning prams, buggies etc on the grounds that it is illegal to sell them. For goodness sake - an oldfashioned pram is used for perhaps 2 years, it does not have heavy use so at the end of the period it is often as good as new - where's the danger?. What about the bottle warmer or the baby alarm? Try to get one and the charity shops are prohibited from selling them on safety grounds.

50 quid trainers - I've never ever spent that on trainers; I might spend 15 quid in Clarks at Street (or equivalent at other sites which dispose of out of date goods) and they will last me two years. How long does a 50 pound pair last?

You had better be careful - if your ID gets out then you will have social services down on you to take the children into care because you are not raising them properly.
Growing your own veg? You put nasty chemicals like fertilizers in the soil putting your childrens' health at risk when they eat a carrot which has not gone through the Min of Af & Fish health safety checks; if perchance you use manure and get them to eat the result ........ Of course you can always eat Soylent Green

The world's gone mad; it is your civic duty to spend, spend and spend money you probably haven't got in the manner the (seig heil) state decides. If not the school teachers will report you.

In the charity shop where I work, we are no longer allowed to sell electrical goods, so one of my volunteer colleagues sells them at car boot sales-she raised thousands last year. Charity shop sales are booming-we took over £500 today. Admittedly we are a local charity and tend to get the best stuff given to us.

There is an interesting column in the Evening Standard today by a bloke commenting on his 'green' credentials.

He either buys the best he can afford, which costs a lot but lasts for years, or buys in second-hand shops.

My son managed to do both. He bought (at the age of 17) a heavy cotton purple shirt which goes over a vest and under a sweater in the winter, and works as a light jacket in the summer, (£3) and an nearly new Aquascutum blazer (£5).

We also gave him for his 16th a Royal Marines surplus greatcoat which has been a coat, a sleeping bag and goodeness know what else, and at the end of the winter gets cleaned and is as good as new.

I can't remember the last time I paid 'full price' for anything.

What's for dinner? Whatever was on special at the supermarket - as long as it was healthy and nutritious.

What am I wearing? Clothes from sales, the op (charity) shop, or ebay.

My daughter, fortunately, just loves buying clothes from op shops, but had an absolute ball in Texas. Discovered Saks reject shop at The Galleria - evening dress reduced from $600 to $140, silk shirt from $300 to $25 ......... Unfortunately she doesn't get many opportunities (actually she gets no opportunities) to wear an evening dress, but she feels great when she puts it on to show off.

A couple of years ago she commented that some of the people she had met assumed that she is from a rich family because she wore top boots when riding (rather than the brown, ankle high, pony club boots that most people wear). Little did they know that the boots were seriously second hand and cost a lot less than a new pair of joddy boots. Of course, if they were smart, they would have realised their mistake when they observed her mother and the car that we drove around in.

As long as my car starts when I turn the ignition key, is safe to drive, and usually gets me to my destination without the services of the RAA I am happy to drive it. A shiny new car might impress the neighbours, but I'd rather spend my money on hay for the horses, who give me far more pleasure than knowing that I impress my neighbours: they are also considerably cheaper than a visit to a psychiatrist or counsellor. Well, maybe not, if I include vet bills

Just before Christmas I did wonder whether I was taking things too far: I was invited for lunch at my Supervisor's: she and I have known each other for years - she studied for her PhD in a lab that I was working in - and I am aware of her spending habits and the regular problems it creates in her marriage. Anyway, heaps of food, and the main course was poussins cooked in some lemon sauce or other. As I was picking my way through the bones I was thinking about how I would have bought free range chicken breasts for considerably less, and that everyone would have got more meat and had less hassle eating it ...................

At the family Boxing Day gathering I greatly enjoyed meeting again E my niece's marvellous sister-in-law. E is a formidable woman, a tremendously successful accountant, by my standards very rich, and I (with dyscalculia) am quite in awe of all her professional achievements.

But E particularly enjoys buying her clothes in charity shops! I know it's commendable! But somehow, the demon thoughts cross my mind that this is all wrong for the food chain! Those of us who are genuinely hard up need women like E to buy beautiful clothes that they can afford, in order to tire of them quickly and donate them to charity shops! Then we can buy something really lovely...

I know this is totally against the general feeling of this topic, but I love to buy something expensive and new when I can. Remembering school uniform, buying underwear that is all my own, gorgeous high heels, garments that really fit and flatter - yes, I'm greatly influenced by my education.

Katharine, look as glamorous as you can!

Love

Munch

We have a Spanish friend who likes good things - especially for her house so she goes to the charity and equivalent shops.
In that area there is a well established routine for household furnishings. The old ones go into the second hand shops at a reasonable price but often they are not sold. The shop asks the owner what to do with them after say a month and usually he/she will say "give them to the Charity Shop". There is one next door where such things end up.

Maria Luz saw this set of curtains, checked the measurements, waited and was at the charity shop door when it opened. She got for a song all the curtains from a certain famous golfer's mansion, enough for two large apartments! They look brand new.

Aty the same time the golfer bought a new set of curtains