Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

The parents on this forum will be only too aware that chauffering teenagers goes with the territory.

Tonight my youngest daughter went to a night club (I try to support her in everything except going to nightclubs. Sadly Mrs Mid A supports visits to these dens of drugs and general chavdom). As a result, to put up a united front, I find myself frequently collecting her from these places despite not being particularly enarmoured with them.

She has just changed schools and tonight went with a friend I had yet to meet. I got a phone call at 10:30 telling me that a bouncer had thrown her out and sworn at her, could I collect her and her friend? She also mentioned that she said to the aforementioned bouncer that she was quite happy to leave but would only do so once the bouncer apologised for swearing at her. The bouncer then threatened her with physical violence apparently if she didn't leave immediately. At this point she decided that discretion was the better part of valour.

I duly collected them from the station as they saw off a couple of other friends and we drove back past the club.

She then shouted "that's the one dad!" and I saw a neanderthal creature in a yellow jacket.

At this point events took a sudden unanticipated turn. There was no traffic and I suddenly found myself pulled in with the window down shouting "tosser" to this bouncer and suggesting that if he wanted to threaten girls with physical violence he could start with me. He walked away and I drove off.

The points that concern me are firstly that my daughter's new friend will think that her father is a raving psychopath given that the first words she heard me speak were to call the bouncer a tosser etc. Secondly what sort of example have I set? Although "tosser" is not a particularly bad word I've arguably sunk to the level of the bouncer in responding in the way that I did.

My daughter was actually quite pleased with what I did and went to bed quite happily. However I found the whole thing quite disturbing and after consuming most of a bottle of wine, as middle daughter wasn't up to usual drinking form, thought I would canvass opinion on here.

If you think I was wrong please don't hesitate to say so.

It is HONEST opinions I'm after.

Thanks.

Well done . I suspect that your daughter's new friend will have been very impressed and encourage her father to behave in similar fashion.

OK, so you began to descend to neanderthal's level, but do you think that he would have understood or responded in a positive fashion to a polite, rational complaint?

He now knows that there are paybacks for bad behaviour, and will hopefully think twice before abusing another patron.

Do you intend to follow up with a formal complaint to management?

I hope that you didn't waste a bottle of decent red; rather, drowned your sorrows/massaged your ego with something cheap and nasty.

xx

PS: please take or leave my opinion with the level of respect that it deserves after you learn that I, in a similar circumstance, may well have attached an adjective beginning with f to the term tosser

Point 1. ALL door-staff, (bouncers), now have to be licensed by the local authority.

Point. 2. If your daughter has witnesses to the incident, you have recourse both to the nightclub and the local authority.

Point 3. If a complaint against an individual is upheld, then that individual would lose his door-staff licence and hence a great deal of pocket money !

I have several friends who are doormen, and all of them are friendly enough. They tend to have a rather unique mentality but at the end of the day they respond to the same things as everyone else. In their job they can't afford to be 'nice', as a drunk person can be laughing one minute and pulling out a knife the next.

ben ashton wrote: In their job they can't afford to be 'nice', as a drunk person can be laughing one minute and pulling out a knife the next.

I'd have thought a drunk was far less likely to pull a knife on a polite and friendly doorman than on your stereotypical beefy, officious and aggressive bouncer going in fists first. You could more justifiably apply your argument to umpteen other professions, the police being the obvious example, and it would be wrong in every case. (sorry! )

If you start off friendly you can always adapt as necessary, but if you start off cautious, withdrawn or aggressive there's only one way to go.

Having spent the whole of my life being polite and well-mannered to almost everyone regardless of what they do or say to me, I'm starting to think that this is not the best course of action, so I thoroughly approve of your reaction Mid A 15. Did you ever find out what it was that your daughter had said/done to be ejected so vociferously from the said den of iniquity? The doorman ought to be able to distinguish between customers who have over-imbibed from those who are just merry, and most people on drugs in clubs aren't violent. They just want to be your best friend. Besides, do many girls carry weapons when they go clubbing? I would have thought their handbags were already stuffed to the brim with cosmetics, hair equipment and the like.

Mmmm - as a parent, I would certainly do a lot worse than you did if anyone threatened my daughter - but given the general training and attitude of bouncers in clubs, particularly toward female guests, I do wonder what made this one lose his cool? From what I have seen, both in Liverpool and Southend, even the most imbibed/overexcited girl is calmly "helped" out of the club. I have never heard of a bouncer swearing at a girl, or physically threatening her, even when ejecting her - unless said female became offensive first...

Was the new friend somehow involved? You might want to go a little deeper with your daughter on this, if only to avoid any possible repetition.

B.

It appears she was a victim of internal politics between various bouncers.

Unbeknown to me at the time the Club in question is entry for over 18 only.

It appears the rude bouncer asked both girls for ID and neither had any. Another bouncer who recognised my daughter from previous visits told her and her friend not to worry and let them in.

The original rude bouncer later discovered them inside and reacted as he did.

Given that my daughter was in the wrong trying to enter somewhere underage, morally I cannot really complain even though the bouncer's conduct was obnoxious and threatening. Technically he was in the right.

How is it that the full story only emerges in stages over the course of the weekend?!

Thanks to those who replied. I now feel that my actions were not so bad and Caroline, yes it was cheap and nasty red and not good stuff!

One good thing though! She tells me that she won't be going there again.

I can well understand your mixed emotions - I would have felt the same. However .......

I certainly would intellectually, at least, regret what I had done even though part of me would feel quite impressed that I was not quite the wimp I thought I was. Offspring definitely respond to being protected by an irate father - I did it once to a primary school headteacher.

But .... yes ..... you were wrong. ..... and so was I. There is never any real justification for behaving boorishly. However, take consolation from this. My closest friend is a judge - a very wise one - and he once said to me that everyone, just once in their life, is allowed to seriously beat up some scoundrel. (I apolgise for the split infinitive, but it seriously wants to stay and being a kind man, I will allow it to rest.)

DavebytheSea wrote:However, take consolation from this. My closest friend is a judge - a very wise one - and he once said to me that everyone, just once in their life, is allowed to seriously beat up some scoundrel. (I apolgise for the split infinitive, but it seriously wants to stay and being a kind man, I will allow it to rest.)

corr, I haven't beaten mine up yet - better hurry up before I lose the necessary muscle power!
( are we allowed to choose relevant scoundrel from a list ...?)

I think DBTS has put it very well, but then it is what I have come to expect from him!!

(BTW, I am trying to get John to agree to a holiday in the West country and would hope to be able to meet then - if it ever happens!)