Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

What are the most stupid things you've heard people say? I thought we could compile a list. Here goes with mine:

My ex-girlfriend:

"I'm really tired - I haven't been to sleep since I woke up."

"When I'm rich I'm going to have ten cars - one for every day of the week.


A tesco shop assistant to my dad when he asked her during the first week of November where the pumpkins were:

"Halloween's over."


To my friend who was working in HMV, stacking DVDs onto the shelves whilst wearing a t-shirt which said "Staff" on the back:

"Excuse me, do you work here?"


To the same friend whilst standing in the "F" section of the DVDs:

"Excuse me but I can't find Philadelphia."


A woman who phoned me on my mobile (wrong number) after I answered with "Hello":

"Hello - mum?"


An American I overheard watching a trailer for the Perfect Storm in the cinema:

"Is this for Titanic 2?"


An American to my mother on discovering she was from Europe:

"Do you shop in the common market?"


An American to a Windsor castle tour guide:

"Why did you build the castle in the flight path of the airport?"

On a visit to Stonehenge many years ago when I worked for English Heritage, the security guard told me of the American tourists who commented that the ancient Britons had stupidly built the edifice so close to the road which spoilt the view and cut through part of the circle, but also couldn't understand how they had manoeuvred the largest stones through the underpass for entry onto the site.

This ties in nicely with with this thread.
viewtopic.phpt=2187&highlight=stupid+things

I once went shopping with a friend for a watch and as she swims a lot she wanted a waterproof one. The assistant showed her a nice one saying "this one is waterproof to 50 metres". she said, "But that is only two lengths of the pool".

As the assistant and I looked at each other suppressing the guffaws she realised what she had said.

When I said that most of my records were of medieval and Renaissance music, my interlocutor replied: "But I didn't think they could make records then."

And on a door to a certain area of our house, my wife put up a notice saying "Cat-free Zone". A friend of my daughter's asked: "Can your cats read?"

Absolutely the stupidest thing I've ever heard (or, for pedants, read) was on the BBC message boards a few years ago. There was a reality tv series, can't remember the name, where the participants were detectives trying to solve a murder. Clues were revealed gradually each week, and contestants were eliminated by peer nomination and public votes. Except that they weren't eliminated, they were "killed" (by the killer who didn't want them solving the case).

Anyway, someone on the BBC boards asked "do you think they really get killed? Because if they do, I think it's a bit mean".

Just saw this on the BBC Sport website:

"Gareth Barry, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole and Steven Gerrard will form a five-man midfield"

Surely that's a four-man midfield?

marty wrote:Just saw this on the BBC Sport website:

"Gareth Barry, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole and Steven Gerrard will form a five-man midfield"

Surely that's a four-man midfield?

Was it a 'Becks' quote, perchance ?

No, a BBC journalist. Can't get the staff!

I was due in London for a meeting - but the road to the station was blocked so I missed the train. We'd booked a room at the BMA in Russell Square, so I phoned ahead and left a message with the relevant departmental secretary, to be given to the other people at the meeting.
A couple of hours later I arrived, harassed and embarrassed - and when I entered the room everyone else fell about laughing. They sent me back to the door, where a notice had been taped. It said :-

Message from Kerren Simmonds. Mr. Train will be late.......

Kerren, it took me a moment to work that one out, but it was worth it.

Priceless.

Many years ago, when I was working in a record shop, a customer walked up to the counter holding a cassette (remember those?) and asked:

"Will this one work in a Cortina?"

Just seen this on BBC's cricket site:

"Test cricket returned to Galle for the first time since the Boxing Day tsunami in 2004 and play was delayed by two hours due to a waterlogged outfield."

Do these guys not proof read anything?!!!!

marty wrote:Just seen this on BBC's cricket site:

"Test cricket returned to Galle for the first time since the Boxing Day tsunami in 2004 and play was delayed by two hours due to a waterlogged outfield."

Do these guys not proof read anything?!!!!

I may be about to make my own contribution to stupid sayings, but... I can't see the problem with that! I mean, I can see the awful irony in the situation, but if that's what happened, what else are they supposed to say?

Ajarn Philip wrote:

marty wrote:Just seen this on BBC's cricket site:

"Test cricket returned to Galle for the first time since the Boxing Day tsunami in 2004 and play was delayed by two hours due to a waterlogged outfield."

Do these guys not proof read anything?!!!!

I may be about to make my own contribution to stupid sayings, but... I can't see the problem with that! I mean, I can see the awful irony in the situation, but if that's what happened, what else are they supposed to say?

To me the sentence scans in such a way as to suggest the pitch has been waterlogged for three whole years!!

Again, something written rather than said, on the IBM Notice Board, "For Sale - Chester Draws"