Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

I am starting this so we don't sully the Hertford Memories.

My husband is a proud producer of wind from everywhere.

when we were students we drove to Manchester for the weekend, we being me, husband and two other male friends. we imbibed copious amounts of ale and had at least 2 amazing curries. Possibly more, it was all a bit of a blur. On the way back the men took grewat delight in 'letting off steam' and whomever smelled it first had to wind down their window. Consequently I spent most of the journey either in a foul 'fartrogen dibackside' haze or a fiendish crosswind.

I had nearly as much beer as they did and certainly matched them in the curry stakes, so why wasn't I making like 650 Norton?

Do men not realise how bad beer makes their farts smell? There is nothing worse than the smell of beer farts! I try to explain to my husband that, if the beer is making that much toxic gas in his body, just think what other damage it's doing! It is GROSS!!!!!

There are a number of things that smell far worse than even the worst fart but we won't go into them here. The bottom line if you'll excuse the pun is that farting really is funny. I discovered this at CH when I let one out during one of Duncan Noel-Paton's appalling drama lessons; whilst the class started to giggle we were subjected to the standard lecture on how it was not funny, perfectly normal etc etc as we started to roll around the stage in hysterics. The more he tried to reason, the more hilarious it became. From that moment on I realised that adults were wrong and now I am one I still think it can be hilarious and a well timed guff is one of the best ways of breaking the tension at times of stress or tension. That said, except for fellow matelots, I try and avoid farting in front of the opposite sex as, funny though it is, it has also been known to offend.

To avoid the smell you set light to them......
Boy, that takes my memory back to Barnes B dormitory, after 'lights out'....

There is NOTHING worse than someone farting while people are eating! Why is it that it tends (not always!) to be men that think farting in public is funny/cool/acceptable, and women don't?

One of my most embarrassing moments ever was in our local Wickes store a few years ago. We were at the till, I was paying and my husband was standing about a foot from me. He kept nagging me to hurry up, walked out of the store and waited outside, but the cashier was chatting to me, and I didn't want to appear rude, so I was chatting back. And suddenly THE MOST disgusting, acrid smell hit the back of my throat as I took a breath between sentences. I honestly don't know how I didn't throw up there and then! All of us - me, the cashier, the other people in the queue, all looked at each other, all of us trying to convey without words that it wasn't us, but each of us blushing anyway. So I made a quick exit (with hindsight that probably made me look guilty!) because I couldn't stand the smell! And as I caught up my husband, he said 'Quick, hurry up, I dropped one back there!' MEN!!!

John Knight wrote:To avoid the smell you set light to them......
Boy, that takes my memory back to Barnes B dormitory, after 'lights out'....

You had matches in house?

Lighting a match works very well in the bathroom too.

I remember that as a Katie Boyle top tip. Yes, she of the "Norway, Nil points" in the Eurovision song contests of the 70s. My how times change!!

I don't know either why men are so intrigued by farting, even to the point of practising it. My two brothers were at Housey and one told me that a boy there was thought very highly of because he could fart tunefully - apparently he could even do the first part of "God save the Queen" and was practically a virtuoso.

lonelymom wrote:

John Knight wrote:To avoid the smell you set light to them......
Boy, that takes my memory back to Barnes B dormitory, after 'lights out'....

You had matches in house?

Yes!! - But it was probably a cigarette lighter...

John Knight wrote:

lonelymom wrote:

John Knight wrote:To avoid the smell you set light to them......
Boy, that takes my memory back to Barnes B dormitory, after 'lights out'....

You had matches in house?

Yes!! - But it was probably a cigarette lighter...

I think you'd get in biiiiig trouble for that now!

This is indeed an interesting venture on a Topic hitherto perceived as being taboo...

However I have a couple of questions: When do ladies pass wind? Why is there little noise?

This has intrigued me for a while as all my partners have been so discreet that I wondered if they farted at all!!!

I still go into a giggle-fit at that one scene from 'Blazing Saddles' !!

By coincidence, I've just read this passage in Sea of Poppies by Amitar Ghosh. The people concerned are leaving after a very posh dinner in India in the 1830s:

"Paulette sensed that he had something to add, but now there was a sudden interruprion, caused by a thunderous detonation. In the awkward silence that followed, nobody glanced in the direction of Mr Doughty, who was examining the knob of his cane with an air of pretended nonchalance. It fell to Mrs Doughty to make an attempt to retrieve the situation. 'Ah!' she cried, clapping her hands cheerily together. 'The wind is rising and we must make sail. Anchors aweigh! We must be off!'

chaosriddenyears wrote:I don't know either why men are so intrigued by farting, even to the point of practising it. My two brothers were at Housey and one told me that a boy there was thought very highly of because he could fart tunefully - apparently he could even do the first part of "God save the Queen" and was practically a virtuoso.

I believe there are people known as Petomaines who make an art form out of this.

Many years ago, I took a trip to the Lake District with a male friend. Being Southerners, we figured we would venture further North since we were close, and took a detour into Scotland. Not far from Dumfries, the vilest odor crept into the car. Being somewhat naive at times, I questioned the source of the odor and was informed that Dumfries was noted for its poor drainage. Obviously, I was loathe to wind down the window if the source was poor drainage outside and so I suffered miserably for some time. The truth was cheerfully delivered at a later time, when I was telling a friend about my one and only trip to Scotland and the backwards standards of their sewage systems!!

Here you are, for those who need them:

http://www.myshreddies.com/flatulence_f ... 4wod7lIKCA

Mens cost more than Ladies, probably due to the heavy duty filtering employed....