From the sublime to the ridiculous

Anything that doesn't fit anywhere else, and is NON CH related - chat about the weather, or anything else that takes your fancy.

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sejintenej
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sometimes we have trouble with computers.

Post by sejintenej »

Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie, the 11-year-old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong?’ He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’ I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’

Georgie grinned... ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? ‘No,’ I replied.

‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’

So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Georgie, the little **** head.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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The end of covid

Post by sejintenej »

During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies.
Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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Truth about politics

Post by sejintenej »

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The father says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his nappy. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep s**t."

https://www.ba-bamail.com/
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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Your Pizza, Sir?

Post by sejintenej »

GOOGLE Pizza (phone order conversation)

Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir – it’s Google Pizza.

I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?

My usual – you know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage – pepperoni – mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

OK – that’s what I want.

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula – sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?

What? I detest vegetables!

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

How the hell do you know?

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.

I bought more from another drugstore.

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

I paid in cash.

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

I have other sources of cash.

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

WHAT THE HELL?!!!!

I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google – Facebook – Twitter – WhatsApp and all the others!! I’m going to an island without internet – cable TV – where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me!!

I understand sir – but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago!!
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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A FEW WORDS ON THE VIRUS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE LOAD😍

Post by sejintenej »

Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favourite.


The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.


Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal.


Today’s Weather? Room temperature.


Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weed’s legal and schools closed ... damn kids are livin’ the dream.


This is stupid, I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out as a rum & coke.


If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock”, don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home.


After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. Now I understand dogs.


Day 8 of social isolation and it’s looking like Vegas in my house: We’re losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. Nobody knows what time it is.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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and for the clever clogs

Post by sejintenej »

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers...

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several or More growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’








Answers To Quiz:

1 The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2 North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls ... The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute

3 Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4 The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5 How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6 Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7 Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8 The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9 Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART ; Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one genius challenged person
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 12:19 pm
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We’re still battling 🦠 COVID-19 🦠, and the next thing is here already 🦠🙄 🦠

Post by sejintenej »

The NILE Virus, type C

Virologists have identified a new Nile virus - type C. It appears to target those who were born between 1940 & 1970

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same message twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank message
3. Causes you to send a message to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit SEND before you’ve finished.
7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND.
8. Causes you to SEND when you should DELETE.

It is called the C-NILE virus!

And if you can’t admit to doing the above, you’ve obviously caught the mutated strain —

The D-NILE virus. 🦠🦠
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
Jabod2
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Re: sometimes we have trouble with computers.

Post by Jabod2 »

sejintenej wrote: Mon Jan 11, 2021 9:32 am ‘An, ID ten T error? .
Also know as PICNIC (problem in chair, not in computer) and code 16 (problem is 16 inches from screen)
sejintenej
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I do (not) love American English

Post by sejintenej »

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

--Mariah Carey “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

--A congressional candidate in Texas... “Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it...”

--Al Gore, Vice President “I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”-- Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” --Lee Iacocca

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2020 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.” --Keppel Enderbery

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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Prophetic

Post by sejintenej »

This is from a novel written a decade or more ago and follows a pandemic. It is addressed to the people of Britain by Geoff Wolak.



Think of your families, think of your children ... and make an effort to cheer them. Take your families out when the weather allows, go and see those relatives you haven't seen for a while — even the ones you don't like! Take a weekend break, take a holiday, and spend some money. Put some money back into the economy.

'I would like to appeal to everyone to hold a small party this weekend, and to invite friends over, or to go out. The pubs are now open, the restaurants, so are the cinemas. If you want to do what's best for this country ... get out and enjoy yourself. Draw a line under this experience, learn from it, never forget it, but draw a line and move on.

'There'll be other challenges ahead, but life will go on. You can face those challenges head on, or you can sit and worry. Either way, if the diseases want to come and find you they will, the risks are just the same. And never forget, that some countries faired far worse than we did. Some countries in the Far East suffered greatly, and Singapore lost ten percent of its population.

'Here, fifty thousand people died, many of them elderly and infirmed, those least able to fight back. But of the quarter million people who fell seriously ill ... all were injected, and most made it. That's a quarter million reasons to celebrate, whilst not forgetting those that died.

'People of Britain, if you want to do what's best for yourselves and this country, then get on with your lives, and don't be ashamed to enjoy yourselves, don't be ashamed to smile when others have died. This battle is not about how many died, it's about how many we saved.'
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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How old are you?

Post by sejintenej »

Darn, I’m older than dirt!! Someone asked the other day ... What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up? We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up I informed him.

C’mon seriously All the food was slow.’ Where did you eat?’ ‘It was a place called ‘home,’ I explained! ‘Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, & if I didn’t like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levi’s, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 11, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home ... But milk was & so was bread. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 5 AM every morning. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies! There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don’t blame me if they bust their gut laughing. Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother’s house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to ‘sprinkle’ clothes with because we didn’t have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons, you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember, NOT the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephones
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (There were only 3 channels!! If you had a TV!!
7. Pea-shooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10. 78 rpm records
11. Hi-fi records 33 1/3 rpm
12. Metal ice trays with lever
13. Blue flashbulb
14. Cork popguns
15. Studebakers
16. Wash tub wringers


If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don’t tell your age, &
If you remembered 11-16 = You’re older than dirt!!! THAT’S ME!!!

I might be older than dirt, but those memories are some of the best parts of my life. Don’t forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your, really OLD friends
I also come in that last category.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
sejintenej
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I kid you not!!!

Post by sejintenej »

My wife had a very nasty accident but has recovered. However she was due to see a consultant.

Basildon NHS hospital has very kindly arranged an appointment with
Mr Insourcing Ent Consultant.

I wonder what his wife's name is.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution!!!
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J.R.
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by J.R. »

Older than dirt ?

I'm with you, David !!!
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
Foureyes
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by Foureyes »

sentinejej,
You write: "There were no movie ratings...."
Are you sure that is correct? I seem to recall that all films were seen by the British Board of Censors, who then classified them into 'U' (=universal; i.e., could be seen by any age)); 'A' (adults; i.e., over 16 (maybe 18); and I think one more for horror films but can't remember what it was called. Also, the certificate from the board was always displayed on the screen prior to the film starting.
David
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LongGone
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Re: From the sublime to the ridiculous

Post by LongGone »

Foureyes wrote: Mon Jul 05, 2021 11:33 am sentinejej,
You write: "There were no movie ratings...."
Are you sure that is correct? I seem to recall that all films were seen by the British Board of Censors, who then classified them into 'U' (=universal; i.e., could be seen by any age)); 'A' (adults; i.e., over 16 (maybe 18); and I think one more for horror films but can't remember what it was called. Also, the certificate from the board was always displayed on the screen prior to the film starting.
David
There was X rated: I think 18 and over only. I remember a friend and I getting into one of the more notorious Brigitte Bardot films at 16.
If a stone falls on an egg: alas for the egg
If an egg falls on a stone: alas for the egg
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