Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

In my final couple of years in Maine A we had a rather perplexing case - namely that of the "Phantom Side Sh*tter". This person would leave a rather unpleasant stain in the pan but not at the back, always on the side. We thought it must be someone with a wonky rectum 'cos this definitely wasn't normal. We put signs up and everything but the miscreant was never caught. Sometimes they would also leave a stool at the bottom of the bowl - but NO toilet paper! We never solved the mystery...

marty wrote: Sometimes they would also leave a stool at the bottom of the bowl - but NO toilet paper! We never solved the mystery...

Thank-you for sharing this experience with us.

I'm told that it's quite usual for a bonus-length jobby to remain obstinately in place while the paper which might otherwise camouflage its existence vanishes obligingly round the u-bend.

A friend who has some medical knowledge assures me that, had decent calipers been readily to hand, matching the steamer to the starfish whence it issued forth would not have presented much difficulty, especially if someone with, say, a house matron's medical experience had been available to perform the task.

Did you consult a member of staff about this at the time?

Was there just the one culprit?

You may or may not be aware that the design of Japanese sanitary equipment is an extremely lucrative business. If this chap was experimenting with a "sideways-on" approach to the ejection of waste matter, perhaps he had in mind the possible fortune to be made in training the Japanese public to do likewise. This would, of course, derive from the saving of valuable centimetres when designing and installing a modern space-saving khazi for the traditionally small Japanese home.

Or, an alternative hypothesis might be that he was a dirty git.

I'm sure you have your own theory......

And what, pray-tell, have we all done to deserve this excrement content??

J

It's an interesting story...

There must be a joke about "logging out" in here somewhere.......

jtaylor wrote:And what, pray-tell, have we all done to deserve this excrement content??

J

It is, to quote Lord Percy from Blackadder II, "a most perplexing mystery". I'm pretty sure there was just the one culpit. If he had an accomplice it was well disguised.

I supposed I've raised the point also because I always feel somewhat bemused by what people leave behind in the bog. I'm of the opinion that going for an 'Eartha Kitt' should be very much like an SAS mission - get in there, do the business and exit sharpish leaving no clue that you were ever there. It amazes me that some people simply don't care what they leave behind for the next poor unfortunate soul. We left notes and signs and made it quite clear that we thought whoever was responsible (or is that irresponsible?) was disgusting and should clean up their act. However, they continued unperturbed...