BTaylor wrote:Have to say I disagree Jude. A hefty thump tended to be much more effective. They certainly thought twice before bullying again.
That may be what you thought at the time - but have you ever stopped to think about the repurcussions of your actions? Only that the bullies stayed away from you, and those protected by you.
My father was a bully. He was also a teacher. He had what was called the "golder Slipper" at what started out as "Worthing Boys", but moved onto Worthing 6th Form (yes Worthing as in the station as in West Sussex, as in Being Earnest)
His golden slipper was a large smelly trainer which he used on just about everyone I have ever met. And when he came home, because I was from his previous marriage, and he and his new wife didn't want me but felt social pressure to adopt me (I was in foster care until I was 6 - in Newcastle upon Tyne - i was a georgie, he & she were Cornish, & we lived in Angmering..) he got very wound up, frustration alot of the time, and he had been a bully as a child (but also been bullied by his elder sister) and oh boy could he hit, and go on hitting, he went beyond the err - stop, and the more he hit me the longer he seemed to go on, determined I wouldn't sit down for a week.. and he would use anything that came to hand - piece of wood with nails in, pipe, wooden spoon, shoes, branch off a tree.. you name it.
When I became a parent I knew i had to discipline my children so that hey knew right from wrong, and yes from No, so I would give them 3 chances - and on the 3rd I would smack. Once when Chris was being a total pain I lost it, and started smacking and smacking, then it hit me - i was turning into my father... I have never felt so awful, ashamed, terrified, and i ran and locked myself in the bathroom crying.
I hope that I have stopped the bullying cycle in this family - but I very nearly didn't - I could have so easily turned into my father - and this knowledge has shown me just how easy it is to "snap". I have been there. I know that feeling.
I brought up my two on my own (their father went before Sarah now 18 was 1) I taught instead to walk away, use language skills, and to try to find out why someone is a bully. They still get hit on now and again - even at 21 and 18, but I have never seen either of them lift a hand in anger.
It's a damn hard lesson, you have to enforce it time and time again, and as a parent I never used their rooms as punishment bases - the kitchen or the stairs or a hall. Their bedrooms were/are their sanctuary, and if I felt I was losing the battle, I would walk away until I was calm again.
When I pulled Chris out of CH - 14th Feb 1997, I was feeling 2 emotions - maternal instinct to Kill the people who had made him feel suicidal, 2 angry as to why he was being bullied. He couldn't go to school until September, so he stayed at home here in Gloucestershire .During the Easter holiday I was working in Basingstoke - Chris decided to show Sarah (9) how good deoderant was as a flammable aeorsol.... she was in her bedroom, when he sprayed her bedroom door then set fire to it..... He knew he had doone major wrong when the smoke alarms went off and the door was damaged, so he phoned me at work. I have to say it was the longest 90 miles I have ever driven, but it enabled me to get most of the anger out of my system by the time I had got home.
I made him polish the door, pay for the polish, and write an essay on why what he had done was dangerous.... I could have killed him I was so angry that he had nearly killed his sister and himself.
That was instinct - maternal.
Beatings however, are bullying
Jude Comber (nee Kelynack) 5's 5.38 1975-1980 Herts.
To Learn - read, to Know - write, to MASTER - Teach