Courses for women....

[jtaylor]

I'm sure someone will find an equivalent for men, but this made me laugh...i hear enough comments of "typical man" in the office, which nobody seems to baulk at, where the equivalent comment would be deemed completely sexist and inappropriate - so here's redressing the balance!

Autumn Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, 16 November 2009

PLEASE NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping?
Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks..

Class 5
Curling Irons - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!
Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 9
How to Parallel Park in less than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 10
Learning to Live -
How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 11
How to Shop by Yourself
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[englishangel]

TRAINING COURSES NOW AVAILABLE FOR MEN:
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? You CAN Tell the Difference!

6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I

7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!

9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!

13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill

15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware

17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means

19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category

21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh

23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet

24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed

25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!

26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty

27. Directions: It IS Okay to Ask for Them

28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It

[englishangel]

Incidentally

Absolutely everyone of the "Course for women" apply to my husband.

[englishangel]

I'm sure someone will find an equivalent for men, but this made me laugh...i hear enough comments of "typical man" in the office, which nobody seems to baulk at, where the equivalent comment would be deemed completely sexist and inappropriate - so here's redressing the balance!

Autumn Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, 16 November 2009

PLEASE NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat me 19 degrees and put on a sweater, husband 22 degrees and fall asleep on the sofa.
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Solution - Buy a 'soft-close' seat' and the boys like playing with it so they put it down. Husband has been seen 'saluting the flag' as it descends!
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping? what is Marks and spencer?
Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase "Just carry my wallet/mobile/glasses they spoil the line of my suit" - case closed (pun intended)
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks..

Class 5
Curling Irons - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? not an issue in our house
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme Does this include Strictly Come Dancing?
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Not by my husband. I always shower with shampoo and shower gel
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
I Was Wrong and He Was Right! hmmm
Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 9
How to Parallel Park in less than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim hmmm again
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 10
Learning to Live -
How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. hmmmmm again
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 11
How to Shop by Yourself £50.00 Average spend when I go alone. £85.00 Average spend when husband comes with me
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[anniexf]

Stop it you two! I laughed so much I started coughing again & I've got to make my partner's birthday cake in a minute!

[Angela Woodford]

I've never understood this loo seat thing. If it's up when you want it down, put it down. Or if down, up.

However, my annoyances with the Ruler of All The Universe couldn't possibly apply to most nice normal men.

[Jo]

I'm sure someone will find an equivalent for men, but this made me laugh...i hear enough comments of "typical man" in the office, which nobody seems to baulk at, where the equivalent comment would be deemed completely sexist and inappropriate - so here's redressing the balance!

Autumn Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, 16 November 2009

PLEASE NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat me 19 degrees and put on a sweater, husband 22 degrees and fall asleep on the sofa.
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Solution - Buy a 'soft-close' seat' and the boys like playing with it so they put it down. Husband has been seen 'saluting the flag' as it descends!
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping? what is Marks and spencer?
Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase "Just carry my wallet/mobile/glasses they spoil the line of my suit" - case closed (pun intended)his jacket is far heavier than my handbag, with all his various bits of paraphernalia distributed round the pockets. Plus belt pouches. Then he unloads his pockets when he comes home and we have a panic in the mornings because he can't find his phone/keys/season ticket....
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks..

Class 5
Curling Irons - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? not an issue in our house
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme Does this include Strictly Come Dancing?Or alternatively "how to wait until the end of the round in Mastermind to discuss why you don't agree with the answer, or how you knew the answer, in detail"
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Not by my husband. I always shower with shampoo and shower gel
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
I Was Wrong and He Was Right! hmmm
Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 9
How to Parallel Park in less than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim hmmm again
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 10
Learning to Live -
How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. hmmmmm againHow to drive without running over cyclists??
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 11
How to Shop by Yourself £50.00 Average spend when I go alone. £85.00 Average spend when husband comes with meAnd I bet I know what makes up that extra £35. Clink clink.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[englishangel]

Yes Jo, clink, clink, though I have been known to throw in the odd bottle/can. This week it was also 3 packets of chocolate biscuits (they were 3 for 2) and a kilo of peanuts in the shell.

[NEILL THE NOTORIOUS]

All very amusing ---- but I would love to see a TV advertisement which showed a WOMAN unable to do simple things about the Home ----- of course THAT would be sexist.
It always is the MAN who is incapable of selecting the correct detergent/toiletcleaner/germicide --- etc.

I CAN --- and I get fed up with the assumption that I CAN'T

I see that this Thread, has provoked the, expected, responses

[Angela Woodford]

I can't reverse back into a space. I can't map read and navigate. I don't care about admitting my failings.

He's much better at these activities.

[englishangel]

I can't reverse back into a space. I can't map read and navigate. I don't care about admitting my failings.

He's much better at these activities.

I taught HIM to drive when I was pregnant with our first.

The last (and only) time he had a paintbrush in his hand was the day before I went back to work after having our first. (who was 24 on October 4th).

He doesn't even know where the vacuum cleaner is or the day the bins go out (despite the calendar thoughtfully provided by the local council being stuck on the fridge.

Yesterday he put the dishwasher on - no he didn't, he set it to come on in 3 hours. We have had it 2 and a half years.

He did make a truly wonderful pot roast yesterday.

[Jo]

Ah well, to redress the balance a bit (and calm Neill down!) I must say that mine is pretty good with the washing machine and dishwasher. My main gripe - which isn't really his fault - is that because I work from home I end up operating both somewhat more than he does.

He is also the one who buys all the air fresheners and toilet blocks for the house. Maybe he has more need of them than I do. Or maybe he's trying to tell me something?

He's a much better navigator, though I am a - I won't say better; calmer, maybe - driver than he is. It always works best if I drive and he navigates (which means he gets to drink as well - he's not stupid ). And cyclists get to live longer.

He can cook, though he does need a bit of pushing (or very large hints). Like on Wednesdays (his day off), especially if I've been out at meetings, I have to tell him it's about time he did the dinner. But he surprised me on Sunday - I was out in the afternoon and came home to find he'd raided the freezer and done a "leftovers" dinner - which was actually much nicer than it sounds, and didn't give us food poisoning despite the fact he'd cooked some chicken breasts from frozen.

Lastly, he's the one in the house with the candle fetish. I can take or leave candles, but he buys them regularly and likes to have them burning around the house. Luckily the only time he nearly set the house on fire, it was actually outside on a garden table so we had a narrow escape. He also makes candles and has ruined at least two of my baking trays. Though if I'm honest, I don't actually bake so I suppose it doesn't really matter .

I'm not sure if he knows how to operate the hoover but then I only use it myself if our cleaner is on holiday

[sejintenej]

I can't reverse back into a space. I can't map read and navigate. I don't care about admitting my failings.

He's much better at these activities.

Although she c a n do those things** SWMBO refuses because that is man's work.
Supper should be at about 6.30pm so it will be at 6.15 that she tells me that I have to do the cooking. Last week I made foccacia on one day and a white loaf on another and, as usual, got an earful because I had the temerity to use a couple of bowls (which I had washed before she even got out of bed!). She also complains when I cook - as well as soups, roasts, triple cooked roast potatoes, etc. I do things she can't be bothered to like mousses, quiches, panne cotta - and she complains because .......................

What is it with you women??? I'm going to get a case of dog food for her to give to me for Christmas



** OK so as a furriner her left is on the other side of her (where she does not wear her rings) to my left so navigation is at least interesting!

[Angela Woodford]

No, no David; I really do appreciate his domestic skills. Even as I write he is scrubbing the grill pan where I allowed something to overflow. He likes to do his own washing and ironing. He prefers to sweep the carpet with a dustpan and brush rather than to hoover. ("It's more thorough".) Thanks to his Sandhurst training, he has an automatic compass in his head to navigate, and on the night of a power cut, he built a little oven out of bricks and candles to make tea.

We attended a National Trust barbecue, where the younger set were trying (this is sweet) to light the barbecue with ripped-up pages of Heat magazine. Within no time he had chopped wood and coaxed the flames into life!

His model railway constructions are exquisitely accurate. There are even minute offerings of bird poo on the roof of his station.

We shop for food, and he puts back my choices in favour of something more sensible and economical. He has a strict routine for the cleansing of the cat's bowls. I could continue describing his skills for pages.

I hope I'm in NEILL's good books in praising his many capabilities! Men are wonderful, really!

(I happen to know that englishangel Mary's husband makes a terrific curry!)

[anniexf]

What is it with you women???

I say, old boy, steady on!! That's a bit sweeping, isn't it? Include me out!!! I'm always grateful for early-morning mugs of tea, meals devised, carefully prepared & cooked for me ...