Jokes, please.....

[kerrensimmonds]

which reminds me of an occasion donkeys years ago when I was due to go to London to attend a meeting held (at my arrangement) courtesy of the British Medical Association in Russell Square, Central London. We were just renting the meeting facilities. On my way to my local railway station, in rural Sussex, I got stuck behind a herd of cows and thus missed my train and ongoing connections to London, and the intended meeting. I phoned the BMA to leave messages, and when my colleagues arrived at the meeting room before me they found this notice on the door : 'Message from Kerren Simmonds. Mr Train will be late'.

[englishangel]

This reminded me of a true story (no, honestly ) told to us by a friend of ours who used to be a telephone operator way back in the 60s when local exchanges were all known by names rather than numbers. An Irish chap rang and asked to be put through to a number in what sounded like Tattygullairy. It wasn't anywhere our friend had ever heard of and there followed some moments of confusion while he tried to ascertain exactly where this place was and how it was spelt.

It turned out to be...........


Tate Gallery

Very clever

[J.R.]

This reminded me of a true story (no, honestly ) told to us by a friend of ours who used to be a telephone operator way back in the 60s when local exchanges were all known by names rather than numbers. An Irish chap rang and asked to be put through to a number in what sounded like Tattygullairy. It wasn't anywhere our friend had ever heard of and there followed some moments of confusion while he tried to ascertain exactly where this place was and how it was spelt.

It turned out to be...........


Tate Gallery

Very clever

?????????????????????

I must be having a 'blonde' day !

[jhopgood]

The Irish wrestler

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.

[anniexf]

[quote="Jo"] ...sounded like Tattygullairy. quote]

Possibly Tate Gallery? Otherwise I'm stumped.

[englishangel]

If you click the 'quote' button it comes up black and white and normal size, whereas Jo has posted it 'tiny' and the colour the same as the background.

Yes, clever Annie, you are correct.

[J.R.]

If you click the 'quote' button it comes up black and white and normal size, whereas Jo has posted it 'tiny' and the colour the same as the background.

Yes, clever Annie, you are correct.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave !

[anniexf]

If you click the 'quote' button it comes up black and white and normal size, whereas Jo has posted it 'tiny' and the colour the same as the background.

Yes, clever Annie, you are correct.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave !

I'm hopelessly confused now - what is it that Jo has posted "tiny" etc., and what is the tangled web and who wove it? Help!

[sejintenej]

If you click the 'quote' button it comes up black and white and normal size, whereas Jo has posted it 'tiny' and the colour the same as the background.

Yes, clever Annie, you are correct.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave !

I'm hopelessly confused now - what is it that Jo has posted "tiny" etc., and what is the tangled web and who wove it? Help!

If you click the 'quote' button it comes up black and white and normal size, whereas Jo has posted it 'tiny' and the colour the same as the background.

Yes, clever Annie, you are correct.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave !

I'm hopelessly confused now - what is it that Jo has posted "tiny" etc., and what is the tangled web and who wove it? Help!

and to think that I used almost that self-same trick to hide/disguise passwords on internal SuperCalc and Excel programmes for many years!!! Nice one Annie

AFAIR I used ALT-254 which is a perfectly valid ASCII character but shows on-screen as a blank.

[anniexf]

Well, dear me, I seem to have done something clever by sheer chance! To think that I spent half the morning mentally testing various pronunciations when the answer was available all the time ... how thick can you get

[englishangel]

I wouldn't have known if I hadn't clicked 'quote', but then didn't think I would give it away.

[Jo]

Gosh, I hadn't really intended to turn it into such a guessing game. I'm impressed you got it without seeing the answer, Annie! I didn't mean to make the answer quite so invisible - I thought it was a different enough colour for people to be able to see that the answer was there, without being able to read it straight away.

If you just highlight it with the mouse - provided you have fairly good eyesight - you can just about make out what it says.

[anniexf]

If you just highlight it with the mouse - provided you have fairly good eyesight - you can just about make out what it says.

I've just done that, and it's there! Now I know what Mary meant by "tiny"! I've got one good eye ( the other has a macular hole, which turns any text into a blizzard of concentric blobs) and it worked.

Thanks for teaching this old dog (bitch? - now and then ..) a brand new trick!

[kerrensimmonds]

Well, I couldn't follow this 'trlck'. Oh dear. Aged as well as incompetent?

[jhopgood]

I am extremely worried as I got it very quickly, just by reading it out loud. Must have something to do with living abroad for so long and hearing all types of pronunciation.
A colleague in the London office once told me he was going on holiday in Jave, near Denia, very close to our village house. It turned out to be Xabia, pronounced Schavia.
In the Valencia area all Valencian "X"´s, pronounced "SCH" nor thereabouts, are replaced with a J, and "B"´s with "V"´s, known as big little v or big V.
I have lots of examples such as "Guatichiman" from an El Salvador newspaper, which translates as "Watchman", etc etc.