What next?

[sejintenej]

loringa wrote in the thread "How long before they crying stops"

You have (probably) made the right decision to send her to Christ's Hospital and are (again, probably) giving her the best opportunity to have a top quality education. From what you say she has adjusted well and is making the best of the opportunities offered

.

This reminds me of a conundrum which pops into my head from time to time.

I suggest that the aim for our offspring is that they will enjoy the rest of their lives. I deliberately use the word "enjoy" instead of "succeed" because there are those who work 20 hours a day, earn huge sums and are washed out, on uppers and downers at the age of 35 and have a miserable existence for the rest of their lives.
Does a "top quality education" give the subject a better chance of an enjoyable lifetime more than, for example, working on a street market stall?

In my day CH churned out A and S levels by the bucketload and threw in a good sprinkling of Oxbridge scholarships but many admit that they were not educated in the ways of the world. Others admit that they could not fit into outside society when they left (and I know of a couple of people of considerable years admit that even now they felt alienated from people). That, IMHO, does not lead to an enjoyable lifetime when you cannot make contact with people?

In what way does modern CH help pupils choose what they want to do and help them achieve it? I see university as a route to being a wage slave, controlled by and at the beck and call of others for the next 45 years. They can be constantly concerned that their boss will simply dump them at a few hours notice (my son-in-law, a civil servant, has been told that his job is safe until February but he expects to be out of work then) A few do break out from that and do their own thing but precious few.

What should the school be doing to suggest, even guide pupils into alternative futures? In what way could/should the Forum assist? What are the views of the parents who write here?

[Jo]

Interesting question, David. It's very idealistic, but I think every subject should be valued equally, and pupils should be streamed in every subject. I realise this may not be practically possible though. Certainly when I was at CH, the unspoken assumption was that the "best" pupils were those who were academically strong - for the rest, the attitude (again unspoken, but implied) was "oh well, it's nice you're good at something. But you're still in the B stream overall." Given that my strengths were the academic subjects, I was in the A stream and I didn't think it was necessary to try that hard at games, art, cookery, etc, because they weren't seen as such important subjects. So I was fairly poorly educated in the matter of trying hard.

It took me a long time to get my career underway because I genuinely didn't realise that things could be learned, you weren't either good at them or not. I thought I could never be a manager, but I have learned to be one. Learning to drive in my mid-twenties was the hardest thing I had ever done until then, because it didn't come naturally to me and I had to really work at it.

It's not that I'm blaming the school - one makes of one's life what one can - but I think if I'd had a bit more humility about the subjects I wasn't good at, because they were also seen as important subjects, it would have been good for me. More importantly, it would have been good for those who were good at them, because their knowledge and skills would have been more valued.

I agree with you that success is not a guarantee of enjoying life, but I think fulfilment is, and I have enjoyed learning to do things I never thought I could. I just wish I could have realised earlier

[sejintenej]

Interesting question, David.

I agree with you that success is not a guarantee of enjoying life, but I think fulfilment is, and I have enjoyed learning to do things I never thought I could. I just wish I could have realised earlier

Exactly what I had in my mind.
A couple of thirty-year olds stayed with us this summer. Both are uni graduates, ex-teachers and 2 years ago set up a charity to teach in schools those basic subjects which schools couldn't be bothered with - life skills; it didn't work out because the schools wouldn't help with the funding. They are heavily into gospel music and are just now, at age 30 trying to expand in that sphere; they could have done it from school if a teacher had guided them.
A friend, late 50's is another uni degree holder but spends his time teaching tennis (very very successfully!), recording (one UK nº 1 and a couple of top 20's that I know of), recording in and selling songs to singers in Nashville. Again - these were late ventures which don't require a uni degree.

I'm sure those three would echo your words.

[Ajarn Philip]

I confess I don't quite understand the point. If it is that a CH education can in some cases prepare you to cope with the things in life for which you might otherwise be unprepared, I'd be inclined to agree.

As for what we can do here on the forum, let's not get carried away. The answer is quite simple. Not much. I'm still merrily making my own mistakes. Isn't that what life is about?

[Angela Woodford]

As far as Postman Pat is concerned, it's never too late to make life-changing decisions.

What will Jess do? Postman Pat has been promoted to an office with hi-tech sorting systems... he's going to commute from Greendale to Pencaster. He will have every complicated advantage - I believe access to a helicopter and a stunt bike. The thought of his mandatory Health and Safety Training horrifies me.

His salary, however, will remain at around £17,000 p a according to the Communication Workers Union.

It was an inspiring moment. If it's not too late for PP, perhaps I could learn more new, new things?

I confess I don't quite understand the point. If it is that a CH education can in some cases prepare you to cope with the things in life for which you might otherwise be unprepared,

I'm afraid that the Hertford education failed to prepare me to cope with the things in life for which I was completely unprepared. I agree Jo, I have often enjoyed learning. However, sometimes learning has been difficult and painful.

Interesting posts from everyone.

[Ajarn Philip]

Interesting posts from everyone.

Yes indeed.

I think that not only were there some extremely significant differences between Hertford and Horsham, but that Horsham moved on quite quickly in some ways in the late 60s-mid 70s (Please understand that I'm not saying Hertford didn't - I simply don't know). Both in terms of facilities and approach. Yes, there were obviously many things in life that CH didn't prepare me for, but it did give me a pretty good grounding in how to adapt and cope with the unexpected.

[Ajarn Philip]

And as for life-changing decisions - sheesh, how long a thread do you want???

[blondie95]

I knew that by going to CH for my deps & grecians would give me the chance to learn how to live with people and develop as an indivdiual...and be ready for uni.
There were people at my state school and also at CH who were very intelligent but then and to this day struggle with the day to day skills required to live andwork with others

[gma]

I'm afraid that the Hertford education failed to prepare me to cope with the things in life for which I was completely unprepared.

Hertford education may not have prepared me for the 'outside world' but it did teach me that there's a book for pretty much everything so if you can find it, read it, understand even part of it and then give it a go then the worst thing that can happen is that you can't do it or you can't do it very well; the best thing that can happen is that you may find things that you are brilliant at or simply enjoy no matter what 'standard' you are able to produce. It did teach me that learning is never ending.

However, boarding at Hertford taught me endless things that I was unaware of knowing until later in life; it taught me to cope when someone you're with, either in your worklife or socially, is unneccessarily cruel or unpleasant for no fathomable reason, it taught me that being popular is more scary than not being 'in the mix' (my God, what happens when you are ousted, where do you go there?) and having taught me to be indifferent to poupularity ratings then led me to be far more honest with myself about my own motivations and intentions; it taught me to stand up for myself; it taught me to stand up for injustice; it taught me that life is often unfair but you just have to get over it and get on with it; it taught me to stand by my decisions or actions; it taught me to resist judging people as circumstances can alter the way they project themselves or simply the way that you receive those projections; it taught me to organise myself (paid off in spades in my business life) but mostly it taught me that all things are transient and that I should always make the most of what's in front of me right now, in this time and in this place.

I'll get off the soap box now...!!!

[gma]

MInd you, in the interests of balanced reporting and general honesty, it also taught me:

That Cheese Mac is not edible foodstuff.

That dumping a big slice of tomato on top of anything along with a few sprigs of nasty parsley
does not make anything into edible foodstuff.

That, at the risk of setting off the PC brigade, even if it was last available meal on earth,
nothing should induce a person to eat rice pudding.

[midget]

You wouldn't have lasted long on wartime rations, Gerrie! That said I could not eat kedgeree for years after I left CH.

[gma]

ou wouldn't have lasted long on wartime rations, Gerrie! That said I could not eat kedgeree for years after I left CH.

Too true, I'd have been the one using spuds to make alcohol!! LOL
(Must 'fess tho' to loving kedge and still make it for weekend guests 90% of whom
have never eaten it before and then pester me for the recipe!!)

[Ajarn Philip]

I have never eaten kedgeree in my life. It's cropped up regularly in Hertford threads, but to my knowledge it was never on the menu at Horsham. While we're at it, I think I may have eaten kippers once. Possibly.

[gma]

While we're at it, I think I may have eaten kippers once. Possibly.

You'd know if you had, they'd have revisited you regularly over several days...............! ! !

[midget]

And lingered on the Hertford cutlery!