An Ode to Poor Janet Bell by Philipela Underwoodford

[Ajarn Philip]

The socks were new, they did not smell,
But somehow we knew that all wasn’t well.
They were not yellow, but you’d have fibbed
If you had claimed they were not ribbed.
They itched and itched like demons from Hell
And exacerbated the eczema of poor Janet Bell…

We may not know, we cannot tell
How itched the knees of Janet Bell
Oh! Hellish irritating pox
Exacerbated by brown socks!
Though aequeous cream from Sister soothed it
Th' socks were agony - scratching proved it!
Elastic garters at the knee
Tortured the girls sat in Form Three!
Poor Janet! Knees that knew their rights
Were eventually restored by tights.

But tights, although most fine for knees,
Prevent your thighs from feeling breeze.
Is nothing perfect? Tights don’t itch!
Nothing, Janet, life’s a bitch…
For thighs, when oft deprived of air,
Resemble heads bereft of hair –
Pale and lumpy cellulose
Transforms thighs into something most
Disturbing.

So, Janet, if you want good thighs,
I’m sure it will be no surprise
That you will have to bin the tights;
And then, if lucky, you just might
Avoid unpleasant, cruel mocking
By going out and buying STOCKINGS!

[lonelymom]

Any comment from Janet Bell? Is she a forum member?

[Ajarn Philip]

Good point - who/where is Janet Bell? Is she aware of this homage to her lower limbs and skin complaints?

I do hope not!

Please feel free to add a verse - that's why it's there...

[NEILL THE NOTORIOUS]

An Excellent Ode ----- but Scansion ?

There was a young man from Japan,
Who's poems, never would scan.
When his friends said "The thing"
Doesn't go with a swing
He said "I know but I always try to get as many words into the last line, as I possibly can "

Sorry !

[lonelymom]

Please feel free to add a verse - that's why it's there...

I wish I could Philip

Unfortunately I'm rubbish at stringing a sentence together at times, let alone composing a verse for your ode!

[J.R.]

Do I feel a 'double-entendre' Limerick thread in the offing ?

[Ajarn Philip]

An Excellent Ode ----- but Scansion ?

There was an old jogger from Devon
Who thought that he'd got into Heaven
When he found a daft rhyme
With scan out of time,
But he obviously forgot it was just a whole lot of doggerel knocked off in 5 minutes!!

[MKM]

An Excellent Ode ----- but Scansion ?

There was a young man from Japan,
Who's poems, never would scan.
When his friends said "The thing"
Doesn't go with a swing
He said "I know but I always try to get as many words into the last line, as I possibly can "

Sorry !

Another version:

There was a young man from Japan
Whose Limericks never did scan.
When his friends told him so
He replied "Yes, I know,
And they don't rhyme either".

[lonelymom]

As much as I like the sound of this Japanese man, I'm desperate to know more about what happened to poor old Janet Bell! Did she ever see a doctor? Did he give her any eczema cream? Philipela Underwoodford - any news?

[icomefromalanddownunder]

As much as I like the sound of this Japanese man, I'm desperate to know more about what happened to poor old Janet Bell! Did she ever see a doctor? Did he give her any eczema cream? Philipela Underwoodford - any news?

Ooohhhhhhhh, argggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

the backs of knees are burning with memories of the flaky, raised plaques that used to develop in the gap between the top of my socks and the bottom of my skirts.

(even though I am not, and never have been, Janet Bell)

xx

[NEILL THE NOTORIOUS]

I have already apologised for being
Perhaps, with the Moderator's permission, we should move the Limericks to "Jokes " ?

[lonelymom]

I have already apologised for being
Perhaps, with the Moderator's permission, we should move the Limericks to "Jokes " ?

Neill you can go as much as you like I like limericks too, but I am desperate for Philip or Angela to write another of their funny verses about Janet Unless you'd like to write a verse or two?

[lonelymom]

the backs of knees are burning with memories of the flaky, raised plaques that used to develop in the gap between the top of my socks and the bottom of my skirts.

Poor you

There appears to have been an eczema outbreak at Hertford!

[J.R.]

I alway thought eczema was genetic/inherited or caused by diet ?

I do suffer from it at certain times of the year, and it's got NOTHING to do with my skirts or stockings !

[lonelymom]

and it's got NOTHING to do with my skirts or stockings !

Photos required, JR!